Don't you remember?
by matash21
Summary: Based around 'seeing red'; instead of Tara dying she is put in critical condition, but; when she wakes up she has no recollection of her college years, including Willow. Can Willow help her remember? Or is this the end?
1. Goodbye?

_So here it is, my first official Twillow fanfiction. _  
><em>This story is based around Adele's song 'Don't you remember' which will come into subject more in the third chapter.<em>  
><em>Basically: Instead of Tara dying (because everyone hated that) I decided to instead, keep her alive (in one sense of the term) Enjoy. <em>

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><p>"Hey. Clothes." Willow announced buttoning up her shirt.<p>

"Better not get used to 'em." Tara replied with a cunning smirk.

"Yes, ma'am!" Willow smiled, grabbing hold upon the belt loops on the front of Tara's jean, pulling her into a soft yet passionate kiss, welcomed by a heartfelt embrace.

"Xander." Tara peered out of the window over Willow's shoulder.

"Okay, not quite the response I was fishing for." Willow replied walking over to her chest of drawers.

"No, he's here." Tara stated matter of factly as she pointed out the window where she could see Xander approaching Buffy in the garden.

"Think they're making up?" Willow peered up at Tara and shone a bright smile.

"Hope so, that's the best part!" Tara explained with another cunning smile before wading over to Willow and pulling her in close again, this time apologising with her eyes before their lips crashed together. They laced their fingers through each others hair, breathing in sync Tara pushed her innocent tongue into Willow's mouth and Willow greeted her with her own, groaning ever so softly. Willow withdrew from the kiss in dire need of breath and met her eyes with Tara's. She had missed this.

"I'm sorry for all my magic before, you know, the reason we broke up in the first place. I'm sorry. I missed you so much." Willow stepped back from Tara, not knowing how well she would accept this apology.

"It's fine now. You're past the worst and have come so far. My sweetness, my baby." Tara enclosed the step Willow had taken. "I missed you too, baby, us being together. I missed the feeling I had at night when I knew when you were next to me, without you all there, t-there was emptiness." Tara bowed her head slightly though in embarrassment because she revealed her heart.

Willow placed her hand under Tara's chin and raised it so that she was at eye level; she smiled before leaning in and before they knew it they were exchanging saliva again.

Willow pulled away reluctantly and kissed Tara on the forehead, Tara looked at Willow for a reason for the withdrawal, she craved Willow's lips and tongue like opium.

"I'd better get started on trying to see whether Warren hit any place else last night, try to find him." Willow stated heading for the door.

"Willow?" Tara enquired.

"Yeah?" She replied turning around to look at Tara.

"I-I love you..."

In the background gunshots rang numerous times, blood spattered upon Willow's shirt, distracted from what Tara had said and instead Willow looked down at her shirt confused.

"Your shirt..." Tara trailed off before collapsing on the carpeted bedroom floor, blood beginning to pool around her.

The reality hit Willow as she saw the blood pool around Tara grow and a bullet wound in her chest which the blood kept flowing from. Willow finally snapped out from her daze and began to apply pressure to the gunshot wound on Tara's chest; she stared at the motionless body of her lover on the floor and began to cry uncontrollably.

"Baby, come on, I need you, baby." Willow cried stroking Tara's cheek with her bloodied hand so now Tara's cheek had blood upon it.

Tara reluctantly opened her eyes and was met by a teary eyed Willow staring down at her.

"Oh thank God!" Willow exclaimed bending over and kissing Tara's forehead.

From the stairs a loud commotion thumped as though a herd of elephants were running up the stairs.

"Willow!" Xander cried out in lack of breath as he approached the bedroom. "Buffy's been..." He entered the bedroom in a rush but halted just as quickly when he saw Willow coddle Tara on the floor, all that blood made him freeze in fear.

Willow looked up at Xander, the earlier blood spots had merged into a large cluster as she continued to apply pressure, though; try as she might, Tara was bleeding out. "Phone an ambulance!" She finally screamed in panic. "Then go to Buffy and apply pressure to the wound."

Xander just stood frozen as he watched Willow desperately trying to keep the bleed under control.

"What are you still doing here? Go! Now!" Willow yelled at Xander who disappeared quickly down the stairs.

Tara tried speaking but instead began coughing up blood. Willow pulled Tara so that she had her head and her chest was above the rest of her body and rested them upon her knees still stoking whilst still stroking her face with blood covered hands.

"Baby?" Willow wiped away the blood from around Tara's mouth. Tara pulled a pained smile, revealing her blood stained teeth.

Willow cried harder, stroking Tara's blood matted hair with a free hand before applying pressure with both hands as the wound continued to leek blood like there was no tomorrow – at the way it was going, there may not be a tomorrow for Tara.

"Tara, baby, I need you. I can't do this without you!" Willow leant down to kiss Tara's forehead again, this time staying there a little longer as she uncontrollably began to break down at cry, again.

"Willow?" Tara sounded barely a whisper.

"Tara, Baby?" Willow stared at Tara through glass pebble eyes as she watched Tara trying to fight the pain.

"I-I love you, b-baby." Tara smiled. Willow allowed her emotions to swallow her whole as another wave of deep tears sprang from her eyes. Willow grabbed hold of Tara's hand with one of her own and raised it to her lips, letting it linger there for a moment, kissing it tenderly; before letting Tara's hand guide across her face. Finally Willow held it close to her heart, every beat was for Tara for she needed to live.

Tara's lips began to move but nothing seemed to extinguish from them, Willow leant in closer and brought her ear next to Tara's lips.

"Sorry." Tara managed barely a whisper.

"Baby? What for, what are you sorry for?" Willow's cry deepened as Tara's hand fell limp in her own. The damp spots on her t-shirt kept growing as fresh tears kept spilling over her cheeks, the sensation of salt tingled her lips barely as her body became numb and weak.

"Baby? Tara? Come on, baby. Please, you can't do this, not now, not after everything we have been through. Baby?" Willow shook Tara lightly but there was no hope, as far as Willow could see, she was gone.

Willow sat numbed for a good ten minutes, she ignored the world around her and didn't notice Xander enter the room until he was waving a hand in front of her wanting her attention.

"Willow?" He beckoned.

"Huh?" Willow muttered vacantly. "Why aren't you with Buffy?" She glared at him.

"Buffy is with paramedics, Will. How you holding up?" Xander placed a hand on her shoulder.

"She's gone Xander. Tara, s-she's g-gone." Willow began crying again, the world a hazed blur of neglect as she stared down at Tara.

Xander got onto his knees and pulled Willow in close so that her head was on his chest, listening to the faint yet constant beat of his still very much alive heart. She just cried and he just listened, rubbing her back to know her was still with her.

The stairs creaked as the paramedics approached with their gurney. A youngish paramedic approached the lifeless Tara lying on the ground and placed two fingers onto her neck.

"Ben! In here now! We got a faint pulse; we need to get her to the hospital ASAP!" The paramedic yelled to his companion paramedic. "She's lost a lot of blood." He continued.

"Hear that, Will. She's still alive." Xander said trying to comfort Willow.

"S-she is?" Willow removed herself from Xander's chest to look at the paramedics cutting off Tara's shirt so that they could get to the wound. Willow shuddered as the paramedic applied what seemed to giant cotton pads on the bullet wound but they only seemed to hold for twenty second or so before they oozed red.

"We need to get her to the hospital, now." The paramedic presumed to be Ben uttered. The other younger paramedic nodded and pulled the gurney close to Tara. They slid a board under Tara and hoisted her onto the gurney. Willow just sat there frozen.

"Can I come with her?" Willow finally uttered to the paramedics.

"Are you her sister?" The younger paramedic asked.

"Her girlfriend." Willow simply stated.

"Sure, come on." The paramedic replied ushering Willow downstairs.

There were two ambulances parked out front as Willow, Xander and the paramedics with Tara exited through the front door. From behind them Willow could hear another gurney, presumed to be carrying Buffy, enter through the back door into the kitchen. As the first set of paramedics set Tara up in the ambulance Willow held back so that she could see how Buffy was doing. As the paramedics approached with Buffy, Willow could see that Buffy was still conscious though there was an oozing bullet wound in her chest just above her left breast.

"T-Tara, how is s-she?" Buffy asked sluggish, the pain penetrating her quiver.

"She has lost a lot of blood but – they say that she has a faint pulse." Willow grabbed hold of Buffy's hand. "How are you doing?"

"I-I'm just peachy." Buffy looked and rolled her eyes slightly.

"Ma'am! We need to leave now!" Ben hollered from the ambulance Tara was in.

Willow gave Buffy's hand one lasting squeeze before she headed toward the ambulance.

The ambulance journey to the hospital lasted about ten minutes but for Willow it seemed to last a lifetime. From the moment she entered the ambulance Willow never let Tara's hand go, not one single inch of the way would Willow part her hand from Tara's afraid that Tara would slip away from her.

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><p>Both ambulances arrived together and as Willow got out of one, Xander got out of the other.<p>

"How is she?" Xander asked Willow with pure concern on his face.

"No change." Willow began to weep slightly.

"Awh. Will. It is going to be okay." Xander comforted Willow by pulling her in for a friendly embrace, Willow just broke down and cried again.

"H-how do you know?" Willow blubbered.

"It's Tara will, she's strong, and you know that more then anyone. You just have to be strong for her." Xander rubbed her back trying to hush the crying.

From the second ambulance the paramedics brought Buffy out, she was still conscious and stared around as paramedics brought Tara out of the other, she was still unconscious and covered in blood. Willow stepped back from Xander's embracing arms and walked by the side of Tara as they entered the hospital. As soon as they were through the door, doctors came rushing around Tara, shining lights into her eyes and checking her vitals, it tore willow apart, knowing that she could not do anything to help the love of her life. She couldn't help Tara even as she walked hand in hand with death.

As they approached the OR the doctors ordered that Willow stay in the waiting area as they needed to operate in order to remove the bullet. Not a minute passed before Buffy was rolled into the OR, Xander trailed behind them. Willow and Xander sat in the waiting room for half an hour in silence before Xander finally stood up and broke it.

"You want anything, Will? A coffee or even perhaps a small snack?"

"I-I can't – my stomach hurts too much." Willow replied staring blankly at the wall.

"I understand, Will." Xander replied sitting on the chair next to Willow and put a comforting arm across her shoulder.

Willow and Xander reluctantly closed their eyes for what only seemed like moments, only to be awoken by an old-ish doctor with greying hair.

"Excuse me? Buffy Summers is now out of surgery now." He cleared his voice and spoke in monotone.

Xander shot himself upright and in the process awoke Willow. Willow wiped some drool from her lip and stared intently at the doctor, hoping for some news about Tara.

"The surgery went swimmingly; she is in recovery as we speak. Although it took a little longer then we expected, there is every possibility that she will pull through." He spoke again.

"Thank you, doctor." Xander exhaled deeply.

"What about Tara? How is she doing?" Willow asked now standing up.

"Tara is still in surgery. We are doing all we can to suppress the bleed, however; there is a high chance that she may not pull through this." The doctor replied bluntly and stalked away.

Willow fell back into the chair and more tears began to cascade down her face, she was surprised that her tears had not yet dried up. She leant forward and leant her elbows onto her knees followed by her head flopping into the hands, a heavy cavalry of tears still spilling over. Xander pulled Willow in close again so that her head was leaning on his chest.

"I'm sorry, Will." He said stroking away the tears which fell down her cheeks. "Just remember, this is Tara we are on about here, she is strong willed, and she will pull through this." He tried to reassure her though there was a hidden tint of uncertainty in his voice.

"I hope you're right, Xander. I can't live without her, she is my life." Willow replied burying her head deeper into Xander's chest.

The minutes elapsed when another doctor encroached them, Willow still clung tightly around Xander's chest.

"Buffy Summers is beginning to wake up." He simply stated. "Would you like to see her?" He asked.

"Sure. Will you tell us any news which comes through about Tara Maclay?" Xander asked.

"Certainly." The doctor retorted.

The doctor led them down a long corridor white corridor and at the end to the right was a room where Buffy was laid in bed. As they entered in the room, Xander and Willow wandered either side of the bed and both grabbed hold of one of Buffy's hands which lay at her side. Buff opened her eyes sluggishly and smiled at half a smile.

"Hey." She whispered with a rasp.

"Hey." Both Willow and Xander whispered together.

"How did it go?" She asked in a whisper.

"You'll live." Xander exclaimed.

"How's Tara?" She enquired.

"S-she is still in surgery." Willow announced. "They say that they are trying to stop the bleed, it-it's really bad. They-they even say she may not pull through after surgery." Willow blubbered slightly.

Buffy squeezed Willow's hand with remorse whilst Willow stared down at Buffy blankly.

"She is strong, Will."Buffy finally announced in a rasp breaking the silence.

"So everyone keeps telling me." Willow retorted.

Xander and Willow sat in chairs situated at either of Buffy's bedsides as they waited on the news which would eventually come about Tara, but all they could do was to try and remain strong on Willow's behalf.

Silence hit the hospital room and lingered there for about ten minutes, neither Buffy or Xander knew how to comfort Willow because they did not know the outcome for Tara yet, the condition she was in sounded severe and they did not wish to build up her hopes if, god forbid, Tara was not going to pull round. Both sat helpless wanting so bad to lend Willow a comforting hand but neither was willing to crush her glass like hopes, afraid they would shatter.

Another hour passed and Willow kept checking the time. She had realised that when she and Xander had fallen asleep they had actually fallen asleep for two hours, which mean that Tara had been in surgery for at least three hours by now. Willow was so fragile inside yet she tried to remain strong on the outside, however at any moment she was ready to shatter like a delicate sheet of glass, her life would end up splintered.

Finally after so long waiting a doctor entered Buffy's room with news on Tara, as soon as he entered, both Willow and Xander stood up whilst Buffy lay in the bed staring in anticipation.

"Tara is in a stable yet still serious condition, as a result; she will need constant observations'. During the surgery we encountered a little trouble when it came to stopping the bleed, however; we did manage to stop the bleed and extract the bullet from her chest. Need I repeat the fact that she is still in a much serious condition and is not yet out of the woods, for the time being it is getting her through the next few days which are crucial and our main priority." The doctor announced matter of factly.

"Thank you, doctor." Xander retorted. "When can we see her?" Xander articulated again; although; this time he spoke for Willow due to the fact she was frozen, her eyes welling up with tears.

"She may take a few hours to come around, but; if and when she does, there is a high chance she will be very disorientated, that is normal." He replied.

"Thank you again, Doctor." Buffy now spoke for Willow.

With a half secluded smile he exited the room, leaving Willow, Xander and Buffy alone with their wondering thoughts.

Xander finally broke the silence as usual. "That's good news though, right?"

Willow just sat down in the chair again staring vacantly at the floor.

"Of course it is." Buffy replied staring at Willow. "Isn't is, Will"

Willow simply shrugged and the tears began flowing down her cheeks once more. "He said 'if she wakes up' that means that they are not sure themselves whether she will be okay. That is how bad it must be." She let her face fall into her hand once again and began to cry silent tears, however; before either Buffy or Xander could try and comfort her she stood up and waded over towards the door. Without turning around she simply uttered. "I'm going to see Tara. I would like to be left alone for the time being." And that was it; she opened the door and exited without another sound.

As soon as Willow exited the room she wandered over to the reception and stared vacantly at the nurse behind the desk.

"May I help you?" The nurse asked softy.

Willow just stood in front of the desk, staring into the corners of her own unfathomable mind, not truly seeing anything which lay in front of her. Only until the nurse behind the desk began frolicking her arms across the place did Willow finally snap out from her daze.

"Oh – erm – I'm looking for Tara Maclay. The doctor said that she is in – recovery and that I could visit her." Willow finally spoke.

"Right, certainly. Are you a relative?" The nurse asked.

"I am her –um- fiancé." Willow lied, although bending the truth only slightly knowing that only relatives and people like that could visit in these critical times.

There was an awkward pause from the nurse. "Um – Okay. Follow me please." She finally managed to utter to Willow before she walked around from behind the desk and sauntered down the corridor with Willow on tow.

Willow followed the nurse down two long, narrow corridors when she finally turned into a private room. "Here you are, sweetie." The nurse moved aside to let Willow enter before turning around and walking the corridors again.

Willow stood at the door staring at the unrecognisable human which lay on the bed. Tara had a blanket pulled right up under her armpits and her arms lay over the top by her side, her face was so pale and pasty that for a second Willow doubted whether there was any life left at all in Tara, slipped away without anyone noticing, but there she saw it, small as it was; a light breath. Willow exhaled slightly, although Tara was not out the woods yet, seeing Tara alive gave Willow hope in her heart and that was all she asked for. Willow pulled a chair up beside Tara and held her hand captive within her own; not letting go of the last fragments of Tara, hoping that somehow holding onto her hand would root her to the earth and stop her from slipping away.

The hours passed slowly that Tara had not yet come around; Willow was becoming anxious and once or twice Xander had popped in to check that Willow was okay and to see whether she needed anything, and every time Willow would reply with 'I'm fine.'

Finally 6 hours after she initially went into the surgery Tara began to come to. Clasping onto Tara's hand Willow could feel it twinge and move.

"Tara, baby?" She hollered hoping for another response and with that Tara squeezed her hand.

Willow stood up and looked at Tara's face to see her eyes beginning to open slowly but surely, she was alive.

"Tara, baby. I've missed you so much." Willow began crying again, but only this time they were the tears of joy as she began stroking Tara's pasty cheeks.

Slowly Tara began to open her eyes fully after she adjusted to the bright white room she was in. She stared up to the red headed beauty above her and whispered.

"Do I know you?"

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><p><em>So Twillow fans, what do you recon? Angsty enough for you?<em>  
><em>Please review with what you felt about this story so far and the idea behind it.<em>  
><em>The next chapter will include a flashback to when Tara and Willow first met... more?<em>


	2. I am you know, yours

_It's back with another chapter! I'm sorry for where this had to end but I felt it was going to get too long otherwise. _

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><p>"It's me, Baby. It's Willow." Willow announced squeezing Tara's hand lightly as she looked down into Tara's hazed eyes.<p>

"Willow?" Tara asked in a rasped voice.

"Yeah, baby?" Willow replied.

"I-I don't t-think I know a W-Willow." Tara retorted pulling her hand from Willow's. "W-Where am I?" Tara asked a little disorientated looking around the room with her eyes. "...A-and why a-are you here?"

"You are in the hospital, baby. You got shot." Willow announced with a gaping wound in her heart, growing bigger by the second. _Does she really not know who I am?_

"I-I got s-shot?" Tara asked trying to sit up but was forced down by the pain of the wound to her chest. "And w-why do you k-keep c-calling me b-baby? I-I don't know you." Tara exclaimed staring at the redheaded stranger standing above her.

"It's me, baby. It's me, Willow. Your girlfriend." Willow felt like she was down to her last resort, close to the brink of tears, again.

"G-Girlfriend? I've o-only just c-come out t-to m-myself, h-how could I h-have a g-g-girlfriend?" Tara's stutter was getting worse every second; it hadn't been that bad since they first met one another. _She really does not know who I am, how can this happen, again?_

"Tara, sweetie" Willow went to grab hold of Tara's hand but Tara moved her hand away.

"D-D-Don't touch me." Tara exclaimed. "W-Where's my m-mom?" Tara enquired.

_She really didn't know; how far back is she in her own memory?_

"Tara, sweetie. What is the last thing you remember?" Willow tried to dig a little deeper for as much information as she could, so that she could try and help Tara.

"I-I was c-coming to visit m-my mom in h-hospital, SHE had some t-tests done, we c-came to pick h-her up." Tara stammered again.

_Came to visit her mom in hospital? She died over five years ago! This means that in her world her mother hasn't died yet. How the hell and I suppose to reveal that her mother is dead? I can't, it will tear her apart. _

"Tara, sweetie?" Willow enquired.

"I-I don't k-know you. Will y-you please leave m-me alone?" Tara requested looking at Willow straight in the eyes. Tara looked into the deep pools of green which were Willow's eyes, she could feel something inside her screaming out '_you know this girl'_ yet the main part was telling her _'this girl is like 5 years older then me, why the hell is she claiming to be my girlfriend?"_

Willow couldn't believe what her ears were telling her. _She really has no idea who I am, what I mean to her–what I meant to her. I must try and remain strong, go back to the house, pickup a few photographs to try and jog her memory, no; I can't. All those movie I watched with Buffy and Xander on a Friday night have taught me not to mess with the human mind under stressful situations, it could put her into a neurological relapse. I'd better get a doctors opinion. _

"I will be back in a second." Willow announced to Tara.

Willow exited the room to find the main doctor who was going to be treating Tara. Willow headed to reception and enquired to the helpful nurse behind the desk.

"Excuse me? Is there any chance that you can get hold of the doctor in charge of looking after Tara Maclay, please?" Willow enquired.

"Certainly."The nurse behind the reception retorted and started typing on her computer. "The doctor you are looking for is Dr. Marcus Bellsome; I can page him if you would like me to." The nurse smiled at Willow.

"I would really appreciate it." Willow eagerly replied.

The nurse typed on her computer again. Not did a minute pass before a strappingly handsome man come wandering up to the desk. This man was roughly six three with a distinguished square jaw and blonde bouncy hair; he was probably in his early to mid-thirties with penetrating blue eyes. If Willow wasn't gay she knew that would be her type of man, _the prefect Arian_. The man turned to Willow.

"I am Dr. Bellsome." He held out his hand to Willow. "I assume you are the one who is enquiring about Tara Maclay."

Willow shook hands with the doctor and stared at him a little dumbfounded. "I am Willow Rosenberg, and yes, there seems to be something wrong with Tara. I know the doctor explained that she would feel a little disorientated – delirious, but – she has convinced herself that she is living over five year ago – when her mother was still alive." Willow replied.

"This does happen sometimes, I may have to run a few scans and a few tests to make sure her brain weren't starved of oxygen when she bled out. Other than that, it seems that she is taking herself back in her own memory to escape the pain of the moment, however; there is a chance she will not remember everything, when and if she decides to come back to this time." Dr. Bellsome stated frankly.

"When and if... You mean that she might not remember me?" Willow asked panic eminent in her tone.

"Excuse, Miss. Rosenberg what exactly is your relationship to Miss. Maclay?" Dr. Bellsome enquired.

"I am her partner – her girlfriend." Willow simply snorted.

"I see." The doctor announced. "How long have you and Miss. Maclay been seeing each other?"

"A couple of years now, I suppose. I am her only real family left, her mother died when she was seventeen and her father abandoned her like two years ago." Willow replied.

"Are you aware of which circumstance her mother passed? It might help us determine whether it has anything to do with her memory loss as physical more than psychological."

"She hasn't ever really told me about it, all I know is that it happened when Tara was seventeen and that they expected it to happen but it came around faster than they anticipated and surprised them when it did happen." Willow sieved through all the information she could remember, and there weren't much of it.

"I will try to look up on some records; do you happen to know her mother's name?" Dr. Bellsome enquired.

"Umm – I believe her name was Sara, Sara Maclay." Willow recollected Tara telling her.

"Go be with Tara and I shall try to dig up some background information on her mother's history. I will find you if there are any news."

_This doctor had a generous feeling about him; I don't know whether it was his soft gentle blue eyes or his superhero jaw line. It gave me some hope that he was going to get to the bottom of this problem, to try and help Tara get her memory back._

Thank you, doctor." Willow finally replied.

Willow wandered back down the halls until she stood outside Tara's room; she inhaled a deep breath of disinfectant and knocked on the door. No reply. Willow cautiously opened the door and peered inside, Tara was sleeping. Willow entered the room and sat on the chair perched next to Tara's bed, clasping lightly onto her hand which lay next to her on the bed.

"Tara, baby?" Willow whispered not actually wanting a response. "It's me, baby. It's Willow. I miss you so much; these few hours spent apart have felt like a lifetime of loneliness, a hollow pit without you here. I need you to be strong, I need you to try and find a way back to me. Is there any chance of that?" Willow leant down and kissed Tara's hand. "Remember before we started dating an – and I told you I wanted you all to myself, then you told me that I was yours, remember that? Well, from that moment I knew I had fallen in love with you, your nervous half smile, your stutter and those blue eyes like the ocean, they got me beached, they all made me fall for you. Oh and when Oz came into the picture again, I got so confused, I had fallen for you but Oz – it was Oz. I didn't want to hurt you. I could see it in your eyes though, you did hurt, and you were hurting because of my selfish hand. What Oz and I had before was nothing compared to what you and I shared. Oz and I were physical; whereas; what we had – what we have is – is magic. From the moment you stared at me with those big, bright blue eyes you had me hooked, I felt something inside of me stir. I wanted you. I craved you. I still crave you. Love you. Need you. I want to be in your arms again. I want you to tell me that you love me, to hold me, to remember me. I want you to look at me the same way you did last night, the compassion, and the love. I want you to make me feel like I belong in your heart, your soul... your memories. I want to be forever yours. Please try and remember me, remember, remember the night I came to your dorm to tell you that I chose you, remember the night our hearts rejoiced in pure happiness.

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><p>There was a knock on Tara's dorm room door. Tara reluctantly got up from her chair and waded towards the door, breathing for a second before opening it. Standing at the door was Willow with a candle, her eyes were red and puffy from crying but due to a power outage and only a small ember coming from the candle, Tara could not see that she had been crying, although; it as probably better that way, she didn't want to give Tara he wrong idea.<p>

"No candles?" Willow asked looking around the room. "Well, I brought one. It's extra flamey."

Tara stood in silence but a small nervous smile crept upon her face, inviting Willow in with her eyes. Willow entered the room and gave the candle to Tara, closing the door behind her as she entered. Tara seemed anxious, her shoulders were slumped and she tried to avoid eye contact with Willow.

"Tara I have to tell you..."

"No, I – I understand, you h-have to be with the person y-you love most." Tara interrupted the sound of pain in her voice as she still avoided eye contact.

Willow smiled at this; she couldn't believe Tara cared about her that much, why wasn't it obvious before? "I am." Willow spoke.

Tara moved her gaze slowly from the floor up to meet Willow's eyes. "You mean?" Tara replied, seeing whether she got the information right, Willow wanted her.

Willow looked on with a huge smile on her face. "I mean... Okay?" She asked.

"Oh yes!" Tara smile and nodded, the light finally reached her eyes, nearly ready to spill over with happiness.

"I feel horrible about everything I put you through, a-and I'm gonna make it up to you... starting right now." Willow stepped forward closer to Tara with that still beaming smile on her face.

"Right now?" Tara asked in disbelief.

Willow nodded and her smile grew. Tara lifted the candle towards her lips and blew a small wisp of air onto the candle, extinguishing the flame to leave the room in darkness.

Willow leant in to Tara and met Tara's lips with her own. The room glowed scarlet as both went red in the heat of a simple kiss, suppressed for months. Tara pulled away, staring at Willow through the darkness and accidently dropped the candle onto the floor with a clink of broken china, however; she still seemed to stare at Willow in disbelief.

"Tara?" Willow asked, her voice radiating innocence. "Did I do something wr-..."

Willow was stopped by Tara. Her lips had crashed against Willow's and she pulled her in closer, wrapping her arms around Willow as she kissed and Willow wrapped her own arms around Tara in a close embrace. The kiss was so gentle yet had so much passion in it, it made Willow's heart beat faster than it had in her life, she was sure every time she touched Tara she left a trail of sparks. Tara moved her fingers up to Willow's hair as she pushed her tongue innocently through her own lips, wanting access into Willow's mouth. Willow accepted and met Tara's tongue with her own. Willow moved her hands up Tara's back slowly until they reached her hair and became entangled, combing through the strands of beauty which made up only one part of Tara. Willow reluctantly pulled away from the mind tingling kiss and panted slightly, wiping away the excessive saliva around her mouth. She squinted through the darkness at the essence of beauty standing in front of her, Tara. She smiled to herself in content that she had finally got what she wanted, although it wasn't planned; she had fallen in love with a girl, her soul mate.

Tara stood and admired the silence, staring at Willow through the darkness, no one knew what to say, they were still trapped in the moment of pure bliss.

"Tara, would you like to go out with me?" Willow finally asked.

"I – I – I – I w – would love t – to." Tara stammered.

"Shh." Willow whispered placing a finger upon Tara's lips. "You don't have to be nervous anymore. I'm all yours."

"I – I – I know. I'm just s –so ha – happy. "Tara announced.

Willow enclosed Tara in a tight embrace, placing her head right next to Tara's ear and whispered: "I'm happy too."

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><p>Willow was woken by Dr. Bellsome shaking her gently. Willow shot up instantaneously and wiped away drool and possible sleep.<p>

"Miss. Rosenberg, so sorry to wake you. I felt that it was important you knew straight away what I found out." Dr. Bellsome sounded alarmed.

Willow got to her feet reluctantly and stared at a still sleeping Tara before reverting her attention back to Dr. Bellsome.

"Perhaps it would be best if we were to talk outside." Dr. Bellsome ushered Willow outside the room. Willow walked out of the room and Dr. Bellsome accustomed her, shutting the door as he left.

"What is so urgent?" Willow enquired with a sting.

"Tara's mother died from a brain tumour. There is every possibility that Tara could get one, or has one as it is passed down, that may be a reason that she has lost part of her memory. We need to do tests to be sure but there is every chance that Tara is dying.

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><p><em>O.o You guys hate me now, right? was Tara destined to die from the beginning but skipped fate?... <em>  
><em>Please review! I promise the next chapter will be better, I just really wanted to update. <em>


	3. The diary

_Chapter three is here! Thank you for all the alerts and reviews. I am hopefully going to update at least two more chapter before I go to New York.  
>I know this chapter majorly sucks, I just want to get to the song already.<em>

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><p>Willow stood stunned with her mouth gaping, her body numbed whilst her mind kept repeating <em>'There is every possibility that Tara is dying...' <em>

"Miss Rosenberg?" Dr. Bellsome waved his hand in front of Willow's face trying to catch her attention in order to draw her away from her daze, however; Willow continued to stare blankly into the depth of her own mind. _'There is every possibility that Tara is dying...'_ Dr. Bellsome's voice echoed. Dr Bellsome had no other choice but to shake Willow from her daze. "Miss Rosenberg?" He asked, shaking her lightly.

Willow moved her blank emotionless eyes so that they were looking at Dr. Bellsome, her skin had become paler than her usual tone and her eyes looked like empty vessels, she was looking right at Dr. Bellsome but not actually seeing him, still drawn into her own unfathomed mind.

"S-s-she can't d-d-d-die." Willow stammered barely sounding out the word 'die'. "I-I-I just found h-her. Sh-she can't d-d-d-die." Willow continued lifting her hands to her face and inhaled deeply, quivers from constant crying convulsed over her body.

"I'm not saying that it is 100% she has got a brain tumour but we need to run tests just to keep safe." Dr. Bellsome confronted lifting a comforting hand upon Willow's shoulder. "I have booked her into an MRI and x-rays just to test her; it will take between two to three hours. I suggest you go home and take a refreshing shower, perhaps a quick nap and then when you come back bring some of Tara's stuff."

"I-I-I can't sleep." Willow retorts.

"I understand, however; you will need to keep strength up for Tara."

"I-I-I can't sleep." Willow repeats. "Not without Tara next to me."

"At least when you go home will you please eat something, it is important, I would also recommend bringing in a few bottles of water for when you are in the hospital. I will tell the nurses that it is alright for you to visit during non-visiting hours because of the predicament of Tara and you helping her to remember." Dr. Bellsome advised looking down at his watch. "We will be taking Tara down for the scans if you would like to say goodbye."

"G-g-g-goodbye? Y-y-you mean – if – if she d-d-dies." Willow asked looking up at the doctor, tears brimming in her eyes.

"No! Not at all, say goodbye because you will not see her for two to three hours!" Dr Bellsome argued, placing another comforting hand upon Willow's shoulder.

"O-okay." Willow simply shrugged.

"See you in five minutes." Dr. Bellsome said before turning away and wandering down the corridor.

Willow stared through the glass panel in the door at Tara and sighed before pushing the door open and stepping in and closing it behind her. Willow slowly sauntered over to the chair pulled up next to Tara and slouched down into it, grabbing hold of Tara's hand before leaning over and kissing it. Tara stirred.

"Willow?" Tara asked, opening her eyes reluctantly, her voice dry.

"Tara, baby?" Willow said squeezing Tara's hand a little.

"Y-you're still here?" Tara asked staring at Willow her eyes still heavy and her voice raspy.

"Of course I am, baby." Willow replied tears in her eyes again, threatening to spill over; Willow contemplated, '_Does she remember?'_ Willow stood up and walked over to the tray at the end of Tara's bed where a glass and a jug of water stood. Willow poured some water into the jug and walked back over to Tara, placing the glass to her lips; Tara accepted and gulped the water, it soothed her sandpaper throat at she drunk.

"T-thank you, i-it's good to h-have a friend here." Tara smiled a half concealed smile. Willow had seen this smile many times, mainly when she was nervous or embarrassed.

'_She doesn't remember me...' _Willow thought again, the tears threatening to spill over earlier now cascading down her cheeks. Reluctantly letting go of Tara's hand Willow leans back into the chair and starts to break down crying. Tara stares at the redheaded stranger known to be Willow sitting next to her crying her heart out, she didn't know what to do, she felt like she had a strong connection to this girl yet she didn't know her, those large green eyes just stared into her soul and made her quiver. Tara stares at Willow confused, as soon as Willow's warm, soft, delicate hand left her own she felt the cold and loneliness enter her body.

"W-what's wrong W-W-Willow?" Tara enquired looking at the now hunch over still crying Willow sat in the chair pulled close to her left side.

Willow reluctantly peers up from her hands at the concerned Tara who is looking straight at her, their eyes meet, they instantly connect. Both girls remain locked in loves embrace through only there eyes, both sitting in absolute silence.

Finally Willow detaches herself from Tara's irresistible gaze and leans forward inhaling a deep breath into her lungs before releasing it slowly through her teeth. "If I tell you, you won't believe me."

"T-Try me." Tara blushed slightly; remembering being locked in a breathless, time stopping gaze with Willow.

Willow peered to the floor contemplating with herself in her mind before looking back at Tara. "You have forgotten the past five years." Willow simply stated not wanting to over complicate it for Tara.

"Y-you're r-right. I-I don't believe y-y-you." Tara moved her gaze from Willow's afraid she would see the truth buried there, that she did believed her. It was the presence of Willow which made Tara believe, it was that Willow's eyes spoke to her, she believed the green pools of life which set up a direct link to Willow's soul, it made her feel warm, and felt comfort eradiating from them.

Willow wasn't expecting anything less but the words still stung as they reached her ears because the words had come from Tara's mouth, she exhaled deeply and sunk back into the chair. "It was worth a shot." Willow breathed out partially inaudible.

"Huh?" Tara stared at Willow and Willow looked up and stared back, again they were locked in each others gaze, Tara swallowed hard as Willow's eyes continued to press into hers, the familiar and comforting eyes reflecting deep pools of jade, the florescent lighting making her eyes seem like the moon illuminating upon a lake in the midst of night, shimmering back familiarity and warmth as well as taking her breath away. Tara reluctantly broke her gaze with Willow and stared awkwardly at her hands, entwining her fingers together. Willow still sat and gazed at the beauty of Tara who looked anxiously at the hands.

A loud knock at the door made both girls jump slightly as they had become accustomed to the silence of the hospital room. Through the glass panel in the door Willow could see Dr. Bellsome, she gave him a quick nod and he entered the room with a clipboard.

"Good evening, Tara. I am Dr. Bellsome, your appointed doctor." He stood at the foot of the bed; both Willow and Tara drew their full attention to him as he spoke. "How are you feeling?" He asked looking at Tara.

"I-I guess I'm o-okay. M-my head is a-a little fu-fuzzy." Tara replied

"I see." He retorted making a note onto the clipboard. "Miss. Rosenberg here tells me that you are experiencing a little memory loss." He continued to look at Tara.

"I-I have?" Tara questioned looking at Willow with a sort of glare, this tore Willow's heart into two; she had only encountered this once before, when Tara had found out that Willow has performed Lethe's Bramble on her.

"What is the date, Tara?" Dr. Bellsome enquired.

"The thirteenth of July." Tara replied a little confused to the relevance of this question whilst Dr. Bellsome wrote upon his clipboard.

"And what is the year?" He enquired again.

"Um – it – it's 1998." She simply shrugged in retort.

Dr. Bellsome jotted on his clipboard again, repeating 'I see' as though pretty speechless. He finally coughed and cleared his throat. "I do not know whether Miss. Rosenberg has told but we are prepping you for a few scans to see whether we can get to the bottom of your problem." Dr. Bellsome explained before placing the clipboard at the foot of the bed where he was standing.

"M-my p-problem?" Tara stuttered nervously looking between Willow and the doctor.

"Your memory loss." Dr. Bellsome simply retorted.

Tara looked at Willow with apologetic eyes and Willow noticed this, shrugging it off plainly and just stared back at the doctor.

The room sat in silence for a few minutes before two men in scrubs wondered in. "MRI is ready for Miss. Maclay." The first man in scrubs announced.

"Thank you." Dr. Bellsome replied staring at the man in scrubs who spoke.

"I will see you soon, okay?" Willow spoke to Tara grabbing her hand lightly, electricity passed through their fingertips as Willow stood up from the chair and placed a kiss upon Tara's forehead. More sparks flew for Tara as the stranger's lips met with her forehead, it was as though Tara was a positive pole and Willow was a negative, Tara somehow felt magnetised to Willow. Tara squeezed Willow's hand a little as the men in scrubs began to move her bed.

"I'll see you soon." Willow repeated stroking the pad of her thumb over Tara's hand in comfort.

Tara looked at Willow with severe worry in her eyes, a look with which Willow could not ignore, "I will be here when you get back." Willow tried to comfort Tara with her words.

The doctors in the scrubs and Dr. Bellsome wheeled Tara's bed down the corridor through a set of doors where Willow could not go any further and she lifted a hand as goodbye as Tara went through the doors.

An hour had passed and Willow stood in Tara's dorm room at the university, where she resided after they had broken up and moved out of the Summer's household. The room was very clean and tidy, not one single item of clothing lay spewed across the floor and the bed was made to its usual neat standard, teddy bears arranged orderly on the pillows, Willow couldn't help but smile at the virtuous routine of her girlfriend. Willow assembled some clothes up in a backpack and gathered up a few books as well in order to try and keep Tara occupied in the hospital; and that is when Willow noticed it. There on the desk an old looking leather bound book was occupied, Willow helplessly flicked open the book to reveal a diary. There was every urge in Willow's body to read the diary but she knew and understood Tara's privacy and so packed it into the backpack without another glance, hoping that somehow it would help Tara reveal her memory. After gathering up a few essentials such as toiletries, Willow headed back to the Summer's household where she grabbed a bite to eat and changed her clothes. Only then did Willow realise how tired she was, her eyes were heavy but she had promised Tara that she would be at the hospital when she came back from her scans and that was a promise she wasn't going to break for anyone, especially herself.

Finally after two hours Willow returned to the hospital with the backpack full of Tara's belongings as well as a photograph of Willow and Tara holding hands, desperately trying to get Tara to remember before Willow's fuel ran out and couldn't carry on any longer.

Willow approached Tara's hospital room to find how she left it; empty. She slid the backpack under the chair before settling on it, looking down into an unfathomable haze, her eyes remained open whilst she rifled through her mind, eventually her heavy eyelids fell and she descended into sleep.

Willow was later woken up when Tara chucked a pillow at her, hitting her square in the face; she jolted instantly upright, staring at Tara who had a sorry expression on her face with one hand over her mouth as in to say _oops._

"Hey." Willow smiled at sorry Tara.

"Hey." Tara replied."You waited." Tara smiled a grateful smile.

"Of course I did." Willow replied whilst stretching out her neck, she had slept awkwardly and so a giant kink had formed. "How did it go?"

"I-it was k-kinda scary. The bright l-light and a wh-whirling sound..." Tara swallowed hard remembering the past two hours.

Willow sat forward and grabbed a hold of Tara's hand which lay by her side, unlike this morning Tara did not move her hand away, instead; she embraced Willow's hand as it came into contact with her own wanting a little comfort for her ordeal.

"Are you tired, maybe you should get some sleep?" Willow asked Tara looking at Tara and her heavy set eyes.

"I-I am a l-little tired, yeah." Tara nodded vaguely. "W-will you stay w-with me till I-I-I fall asleep?" She nervously asked the redheaded stranger.

"Sure, I'm not going anywhere, sweetie." Willow replied with a half exhausted smile. _'Even though you have no clue who I am I will stay by your side, I always will, no matter what.'_

"Thank you." Were the last words to escape from Tara's lips before she passed out from exhaustion.

Willow brought her legs up onto the chair, took the pillow from the floor and rested her head upon it. It was going to be a long night or tossing and turning in the uncomfortable chair but most of all, not sleeping to check that Tara was okay. Willow took one last longing glance at Tara before she closed her eyes and slipped into the blackness of her dreams.

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><p><em>If you like this story and you haven't already please alert or favorite, <strong>most of all please review.<strong> I want to know if you enjoy it or not!_


	4. Don't you remember?

**_So this chapter was written even before I had completed the first chapter... _**  
><strong><em>For those who don't know this song it is called 'Don't you remember' by ADELE. If you haven't heard it yet, go listen on youtube, <em>**  
><strong><em>if you have... go listen to it on youtube. I love this song so much and this is where is got the initial idea for the story. <em>**

**_Enjoy! _**

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><p><em>When will I see you again?<em>

You may be here in front of me but you are not the same, you do not know me a single bit, it is not you I am seeing, it is the vacant memories of old, I cannot bear to see you like this, because in your memories I cease to exist.

_You left with no goodbye, not a single word was said._

Well that is not so rightly true; you said that you were 'sorry'. Sorry for what? Maybe you could feel yourself slipping away from me, you felt the end near. You say you are sorry yet I forgive you with every beat of my heart, because; although your mind is vacant from any memories we shared together the future for us is still unwritten and we can make new memories together.

_No final kiss to seal any seams._

We were finally back together after months of bitter loneliness and heart-throb, you came back to me. Two wholesome nights, we only spent two wonderful and sleep deprived nights together. The seams were torn lose as that bullet penetrated your memories of warmth and togetherness, memories of which you and I shared together.

_I had no idea of the state we were in._

Before we broke up I had no idea that you were so distant, I never knew you felt like that. Why didn't you tell me sooner so that I could have tried to wean off the magic instead of quitting cold turkey. I have no idea why I blamed you for breaking up with me because clearly it was my self-centred and ego-maniac mind to magic which made me ignore the truth which was you. From the beginning it was my fault you left.

_I know I have a fickle heart and bitterness_

I never really appreciated you fully when I had you but when I lost you - when you left me; I knew that I needed you. I loved you – love you. I could not spend one lonely day when the thought of you would not cross my mind, for not one day would tears cease to fall from my eyes as the terrible sense of loneliness lingered in my heart, body and soul where you belonged.

_And a wandering eye, and a heaviness in my head._

I never really notice anyone else bar you, there were often times when my mind ventured back to Oz now and again, but that was just generally thinking about what he was doing now after he had found his cure, because well, it was Oz. I have never loved anyone the way I love you, you make me feel beautiful about myself when you are with me and when we are together the rest of the world seems to magically disappear, just you by my side holding my hand. When we started going out I may have seemed down, bitter or sad even but the truth underneath that layer of ice shone a light of love which had never shone so brightly before, you made me feel the luckiest girl in the world.

_But don't you remember?_

Every moment we spent together vanished from your mind.

_Don't you remember?_

The memories we created right from the start, the way that you found a comfy patch right here in my now fathomed heart, though I never thought of loving a girl before I met you, you made – make me feel on top of the world, I made you love me too.

_The reason you loved me before_

The way you looked at me with those piercing blue eyes made my knees tremble and quake as you penetrated my heart with every stare. I knew I loved you from the moment we met, your cute stutter made me fall for you more, fall harder from the clouds I rested upon waiting for you, the angel which you are. The spark which ignited every time our bodies touched, smouldering skin upon skin. The heat of our hearts beating as one. I just loved you, love you.

_Baby, please remember me once more._

Without you truly being here with me, to tell me everything is going to be okay is the hardest thing about this because it may never be okay again. You may never touch me, look at me or remember me the way you did before. They say that there is a possibility that I may never be able to get my Tara, sweet, sweet baby Tara back, ever again and it is tearing me apart.

_When was the last time you thought of me?_

Have you even had the slightest flashback, slightest memory of me? Of us? Since you left me, have you ever felt the smallest or faint feeling that you know me, that somehow I am a part of your subconscious, a small part in their which makes me feel somewhat familiar.

Or have you completely erased me from your memory?

I know it is stupid of me, but sometimes I think that maybe you wanted to forget, forget the pain and misery we caused each other before. Somehow in your subconscious it came into the light and for some reason you chose to accept the darkness instead.

_I often think about where I went wrong_

It is my fault, if you hadn't have left me because of my over use of magic then there would have been no need to stay in bed all morning because we would not have needed to catch up on the skin upon skin action we missed out on. So I wronged you in every respect because it is my entire fault that you have gone.

_The more I do, the less I know_

The more I seem to think about how it is my entire fault that you have no memory, the more I begin to doubt myself that there is a lower chance I have of ever getting you back the way you were. The way you looked at me, the way the touched me, the way you loved me. Gone. Forever.

_But I know I have a fickle heart and bitterness_

Is that the reason you chose to stay in the darkness, because you do not want the pain from me any longer? At this time you are causing me such heartache and pain, it tears my heart in two. I love you so much, how will I live without you in my life?

_And a wandering eye and a heaviness in my head_

I will never let you go even though you have. My eyes wander over your sensational body, the burden of me having to remind you about everything we went through, just for you to throw it back in my face when you want me gone because you do not know me. You are 22 at heart yet 17 at mind. The years of college erased from your memory. I cannot see how it happened; I cannot see how you could just forget me like this, after everything?

_But don't you remember? _

You have got to remember me, I cannot fight this world alone, and without you all I feel is emptiness, a hollow patch in my heart where you belong. My heart aches with every beat you cease to remember, the memories we shared.

_Don't you remember?_

Please, baby, you have to remember me. Remember us and how we used to be. Without you my heart cries in pain because I feel the cold numbness of life when you are not here beside me.

_The reason you loved me before_

You must remember, the world feels as though it is ready to fall apart every second you are away from me. I cradle your hand as you sleep at night, afraid that you will slip further away from me. You must remember, you must come back to me.

_Baby, please remember me once more. _

Tara, baby. You must remember. I keep saying this but I mean it with every beat of my heart. My life is a hollow shell when you used to be my soul, you made me love like I have no other. You have brought me out of my shell to explore the world which used to lie before undiscovered. I need you here baby, I need you.

_Gave you space so you could breath. _

I did not want you to leave me but I let you, I would have chased you but I did not want you to hate me more then you already did, and you did. I thought that time would heal the wounds which I created, and – I suppose it did.

_I kept my distance so you would be free._

I looked on from the sidelines as you came close to new girls. I could not accept that you were moving on. I tried to let you be free but in my mind you were still, and always were mine.

_And hope that you find the missing piece. _

I felt that if I let you have your space you would finally feel that we belonged together, I was the puzzle piece missing in your puzzle of life. Trying to make you feel that you were always missing something but that empty feeling that you felt was actually space needed to be filled by me and me alone.

_To bring you back to me._

I hoped that if I played my cards right you would have come back. If I got close to you, just once, you would fall for me over again, and you did. Only to be torn back with the blink of an eye. I had you back with me for two nights, although those nights were the most passionate and sensational of my life, I have never felt so much exhilaration before, being back in the moment of true happiness only for it to be torn away.

_Why don't you remember?_

Do you choose not to remember me or can you not mentally take grasp of reality and seek passed this memory sucking haze which is killing me silently.

_Don't you remember?_

I'm fall apart inside and out, the thought of you never coming full term with your memory keeps cascading my mind and I cannot stand the feeling of being forever empty. I have the feeling that you have given up completely with trying to remember. I cry all the time, seeing you so distant from me yet only a few feet away. It makes me crazy.

_The reason you loved me before._

Take back the seconds we spent together and recollect them in your mind. Remember the way we touched, loved, looked at each other and try to remember all the time we spent with one and other. The way we held each other close at night. The lasting goodbye kisses, lingered. If you cannot remember, what is there left for us? If you cannot remember, I feel myself falling apart at the seams without you, but being with you and you not knowing who I am is making me self destruct and worse, you'll be here to see it happen and I just can't stand to let you see it happen.

_Baby, please remember me once more._

I feel at the end of my tether waiting for you to remember. The days pass into weeks that you still don't remember and I am slowly loosing the will to believe any longer. Perhaps this is the end for us. The bags under my eyes have bags; I am just so damn tired I can't sleep. I believe that one morning I will fail to wake up and die just like your memories. Without your memories my life only seems to revolve around you and your absent mind. I love you and I always will but I cannot watch myself self destruct any longer and so I must face the hardest decision ever; to leave you. I want to help your memory come back like the doctors, if not more, but; they do not feel the love and heart-breaking emotion which comes as well I have to break for a while. I have to go.

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><p><em>Hope you liked this chapter as much as I loved writing it, could Willow possibly go through with her fears and leave Tara...?<br>Please review because reviews make me happy and a happy writer mean faster chapter... :D_

_Sorry guys but I won't be able to update until at least August 4th due to me being in New York City! **Please excuse my really poor updates but atm the moment I am experiencing some technical issues with my brain. **_


	5. Secret Words

_**I am sorry for taking so long to update but I have recently started a new college and moved to a different part of the country so I am little behind on the times. Thank you for waiting patiently. **_

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><p>Tara awoke well rested as the sunlight began to beam through the window of the hospital room and gently caressed her exhausted face. She rubbed her eyes groggily with her right hand as her left hand stayed limp at her side – afraid of upsetting her bullet wound. Outside the window, Tara could see bright blue cloudless skies greeting her and this made her smile – thanking her luck that she was alive and that she could see sights like this once more and for this, she appreciated it more. As Tara stared out the window aimlessly she suddenly remembered something, and instantly, her world came revelling around her – Willow. The previous night Willow had promised 'I'm not going anywhere sweetie', however as Tara stared around the empty hospital room she revealed that Willow had gone back on her promise and she was nowhere to be seen. The emptiness exaggerated the loneliness which evaded Tara's heart, the place with which Willow unknowingly sat. As Tara's eyes finally laid on the chair which Willow had sat the previous night (and made her promise) Tara happened to notice a backpack slid underneath the seat and she silently hoped to herself <em>'Willow's bag is it, which mean she is bound to come back soon or late, right?' <em>

**Willow's POV  
><strong>**5 minute earlier**

_That is what I should do – get up and leave – however cannot come around to do such a thing. I cannot leave Tara, for I love her with every beat of my heart, I feel like I have loved her forever, and will continue to love her, no matter what. This has all happened before, when Glory stole her mind – I loved her even then, if not more because it showed me how much I actually loved her, because I couldn't live my life without her. Even when the world was falling apart, she was always beside me – holding my hand and whispering to me sweet nothings just to help me get through another day. She has been the only constant in what feels like my life time, she has kept me on the straight and narrow – who knows what would have happened if I never met her – I hate to imagine. From the moment I looked into her piecing blue eyes I knew that we belonged together and when we broke up I was on the verge of a magic breakdown and if she hadn't had come to take me back two nights ago – again – who knows where I would have been. For once – my true love was back in my arms and back in my bed, we were eternally happy – and now, something like this had to happen and strip away our happiness. I am going to be honest – I'm going to struggle my way through coping with this new predicament, Lord knows I will try my best, but I fear it will not be enough..._

_... I guess moving on from the melancholy bitterness; I will stretch my legs a little and eat. At this moment in time I shall leave her bedside for a few minutes and try to chase up her results. I do not know what I will do with myself if the results come back positive for a brain tumour – cry and hug Tara and perhaps cry some more. My tummy roars with anguish for I have not eaten since yesterday morning and I can feel the exhaustion hallowing at my soul, my sleepiness and grogginess shouting at me with a megaphone with the added bells and whistles just for laughs – so maybe I'll grab a bite a eat, I may even go visit Buffy. I shall leave her side and disobey my promise, just for a moment. I stand up and kiss Tara gently on the forehead before wading over to the door and with reluctance and a last glance back, I exit the hospital room. _

**Tara's POV**

I flick through the pages of the old bound notebook and my heart leaps into my mouth as I am greeted with my own words – I recognise the handwriting as my own and what appears to be my autograph, the same autograph which I have been using since I was fourteen. Seeing as it was not here before I fell asleep last night - in the presence of Willow, I can only hazard a guess that Willow must have retrieved it when I was having my tests done and placed it there – before she left. I flick to the front page – the title page – and my heart leaps into my throat. Pictures are stuck on the front page, numerous amounts of them; admittedly in all of them I am looking much older. In the centre of the page is a photo of a group of people, Willow being one of them. Among the group of people is a man roughly early twenties with brown hair and a round face, he is stood next to a blonde haired woman who is short and has brown roots, they are holding hands – Willow and I are too holding hand. Another girl who catches my eye is another short, blonde haired woman – she too is in her early twenties. She is beautiful with red lips and wearing casual jeans and t-shirt, no way in her right mind would she have ever given me the time of day, in high school, girls like that – the cheerleader type – picked on me day in and day out for my stutter – but here she is, smiling with us like it doesn't even matter. Next to the blonde haired woman is a tall, bleached blonde haired man, he is slender built with a bit of muscle on him, and he reminds me of Billy Idol in 'The Wedding Singer' – the Adam Sandler film. Standing next to the beautiful, red lipped, blonde haired woman is a taller girl, I would say that she is in her teens – sixteen maybe seventeen – she has long brown hair and is wearing black trousers and a denim jacket.

I have no recollection of any of these people – except of course Willow. Surrounding this photograph is smaller photo-booth print-outs of me and Willow – we are sitting close together, in some; cheeks pressed to cheeks with a silly face. The photo which takes the breath right from my chest is the one where Willow and I are kissing each other – full throttle – on the lips. My hands are pressed up into her hair and hers in mine – I can almost see the fluid motion of our tongue wrestling – it is tantalisingly erotic, in a way I have ever feared to describe.

I have this guilty feeling evading my body, making my mind numb because of the way I spoke to Willow last night 'You're right, I don't believe you.' However as I reflect on this diary and the photographs, I can see now, that the truth is of that which came from Willow's lips, the same lip's that once touched mine and we shared each other's secrets. By looking at this diary and seeing the pain of Willow's face yesterday (when she knew I didn't remember her or anything that happened between us) makes me want to try to remember what was – if not for my sake, then for Willow's. I must try as best I can to get my memory back.

I flick – with the intent to remember - to the first diary entry and I begin to read.

Dearest Mom,

, I have finally got around to writing a diary, so that I can write down everything in my life that I would tell you if you were still around. I miss you every day; I miss the smell of your sweet perfume filling the bathroom in the morning and how -when I was little -you brushed my hair one hundred strokes each night like a princess. I miss the way I cannot tell you what is on my mind at the most confusing time of my life, and how I could not tell you that I found out that I am recently a lesbian. I miss the way that you were not there to take pictures of me when Joey Robinson took me to prom and how now I have feelings inside of me wriggling to get out I cannot tell you. I miss you so much mom.

I know that you will never read this but it gives me a sense of closure, and that we are still possibly connected – and not just in the demon way either. I fear the future ahead and what it will bring for me. I am slowly approaching my twentieth birthday and I fear the demon which I saw suppress your beautiful mind will come for me also, and for that I am scared for my life. I am scared that the demon will try to pull me into the depths of hell with it and I will – with no reluctance – circum to the darkness and become the murderous demon I saw consume you.

I follow in your footsteps, you know. That I too am into the art or magic, I came across some old magic books in the attic and I started to learn some charms and incantations – I'm still on the basic stuff but I want to learn more and try to become a little more powerful, so that when maybe when my inner demon comes for me I can try to fight it off. Today at College, I went along to this Wicca group – I have been going for a few weeks now - however; we don't do much magic, we just sit around and plan bake sales. Today, one the other hand; this new girl – Willow he name is – came and joined the Wicca group she had these big ideas about performing actual spells and incantations, however; the other – brainless- Wiccan's shot her down. I tried to stand up for her but my stuttering got in the way and so I looked like a fool as the other girls made fun of me – as usual then really. This girl – Willow – she has great power in her – I can feel it eradiating from her core like a plutonium rod in a reactive core, I fell the power dripping off her like wax from a candle. I want to try and befriend this girl – her auburn locks addictive like opium. I can still see her face haunting my memory as the disappointment crept upon it when I lost my backbone – I was her only hope – and I let her down, and now she will never look at me the same again. I want to apologise to this girl, and maybe even arrange to do some magic together, that's what I will do, I will go to her dorm and tell her I'm sorry. I f we were to become friends I would be happy with that, doubt that we bat for the same team but I do have to admit that she is drop dead gorgeous – curse my attraction to wonderfully attractive women who do not bat for the same team and let alone a person who will see past the stuttering fool that I am.

I will write to you soon, Tara.

I stare up from the hand written pages and sigh heavily, my chest rising a falling at a constant, my mind numbed by the words etched onto the paper. The way that I was writing this, is that I – I had a crush on a Willow even before I got to know her. I knew that every time my heart fluttered when I saw her, that there was more to our friendship then met the eye. Perhaps all she has said so far is indeed factual and in that case – I am a well and truly a douche bag and Willow doesn't deserve me. I wipe the ebbing tear from my eye and stare down at the diary, spellbound. I must remember – I must remember.

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><p><em><strong>Thanks again for waiting patiently and hopefully I won't take too much time next chapter. :) Peace and Love. <strong>_


	6. The Gentleman

_**Hey all, I have written a new chapter to 'Don't you remember', after so long I expect to have lost a few readers, but hope for a few new ones. **_

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><p><strong>Tara POV <strong>

_I awake with a cold breeze whipping at my face. I peer over at the window which hangs slightly ajar and I can see that outside is a dismal black, the rain pounding against the old hospital window pain and the wind rattles the old frame.  
>I sigh melancholy to myself as I think of the events that occurred yesterday: waking up with a massive gunshot wound to my chest, oh; and need I forget the massive bout of amnesia where I seem to have forgotten the last five years, not to mention I gained a girlfriend whom of which I have no recollection whatsoever. Though, I need to admit that when I look into her eyes I feel warmth and familiarity that I have not felt in a while... I presume. <em>

_I gather that I fell asleep shortly after reading the first diary entry, the constant morphine drip sedating me away from the pain caused by the gunshot wound. Staring at the clock on the wall above the door I can see what I have slept not for roughly six hours and that it is now 3:38 am. I remember Willow telling me – what seems like forever ago - that she would not go anywhere and as I peer at the chair next to me I can see that she has not stuck to her word – that she is no where to be seen, even her bag, which I held on hope that she would return , has vanished also. Perhaps she sought through the truth finally, that she could not love me knowing I could not love her in return, though surly if I put my mind to it I could try my hardest, and knowing that there is that little energy between us, I could love her._

_I stare around the room again, another fifteen minutes elapse before I root around carefully under my pillow and pull out the notebook that I had found much comfort in reading last night before I fell asleep. Knowing that some of my memories have been locked away in this little bound of paper; gives me some hope that maybe my memories will finally return. After a little exertion from rooting around under my pillow I can feel that my throat is bone dry and my lips have chapped. I can see that my saline drip has run dry and may be the explanation behind the dry throat and lips, a nurse should be in soon to check on my so I shall read another diary entry until that happens; knowing I could not sleep knowing that Willow is not here to watch over me as I sleep, protecting me from all those demons that may lurk in the shadows. _

_I close my eyes and try my hardest to recover my memories of Willow and our life which we shared together over the past few years, but all seems to come to no prevail. I turn the page of the diary until a new entry is staring me in the face and I inhale deeply. The entry of page seems to be longer then the last, meaning perhaps something important happened where I needed to explain deeper. I brace and steady myself with another deep breath and dive in to the truth._

Dearest Mom,  
>Today so much has happened. I woke up this morning and had seemed to have lost my voice, though a little shaken I went on with my day as usual; walking down the corridor and into the bathroom to brush my teeth. The strange thing was that it was not only me who seemed to be having a problem with uttering anything, everybody seemed to be in mass panic, and nobody could seem to utter a word. Everyone was in a panicked state as I shrugged it off; still alarmed but trying to stay calm as much as possible, panicking never seems to help anyone in situation like this. There was an aura of an uncomfortable silence cloaking the whole town, a simple sound of a glass shattering on the ground causing people to panic, forgetting what sound was after so long of not hearing. The news had not helped in any shape or form in what is happening, except that the town is suffering from a giant case of laryngitis.<p>

I spent the whole day to myself, wandering aimlessly around the campus of UC Sunnydale. How this could be a giant outbreak of a medical illness when there have been no prior signs or symptoms, I don't know, what I do know is; that I have a feeling something very strange is going on in Sunnydale with an overall supernatural element. I bet you would get to the bottom of this, mom, you always seemed to know how to solve the biggest problems that outweighed you by miles. Perhaps tomorrow I could go and look for that Willow girl from Wicca group, she seemed to have her head screwed on in the right way when it comes to Wicca, perhaps we could do a spell or something.

For tonight this is Goodbye, Sleep-tight, Mom, Tara. xx

P.S I have decided to go search for Willow tonight, this endless silence is etching away a little more of my soul, I do not think I can go on much longer, nor can anyone else in Sunnydale.

Tara closes her eyes and places her hand upon her throat, trying to recollect, and there, somewhere deep within her, seemed to spark a small memory, a small memory of sheer terror that happened on that night. Images flash across her eyes, bald men; almost skeletal in physique with deathly smiles, chasing, no not chasing, floating after her in the dead of night. She could remember, though she almost wished that she had not remembered such a horrid memory and hoped for a memory of Willow, though she thanked that these journal entries were actually working and had to thank herself for that. However; Tara could not confirm exactly what she was seeing, she found a pen on the side and started to draw the picture of the men chasing her in the mind, hoping that Willow would recognise them, confirming that indeed Tara's memories were slowly coming back to her. She finished drawing the men in the back of the journal and almost shivered at their appearance. Tara needed to find out what happened next in the later entries, she wanted to know, she was intrigued; it was her life after all. Tara turned to the next entry in the notebook and began to read, hairs standing on end and she got into the entry.

Dearest Mom,  
>I don't think that words can even begin to explain the pure and utter terror I endeavoured last night. After my last entry to you I decided to go out to Stephenson and try and find Willow. I was a little stupid, knowing full well that the campus was not at all safe after sunset, especially after yesterday mornings unexplained murder. So, I get outside, the only thing on my mind is getting to Willow and seeing her, I walk at a slow pace as I begin the saunter to Stephenson, the building where Willow is. All of a sudden I get a cold chill down my spine and an unnerving feeling enters my whole body, the hairs on the back of my neck standing up on end, so I turn slowly around. There, behind me, a small creature is gallivanting after me, its arms loose though wearing a straightjacket. Behind the small strange looking creatures are these men, or as close to men as I would care to describe, though not really knowing what on earth they were. These 'men' were bald and had these spine-chilling smiles upon their faces an eerie silence followed them, a pure sense of terror shot across my body as I began to run for my life.<p>

I ran out from the open elements and get into Stephenson building where I begin to bang for my life onto the dorm room doors, hoping and praying that someone, somewhere would care to answer the door and save me from lord knows what...

...

_Tara snaps back into the real work as she hears a small commotion coming from outside the door and peers over. Outside the door Tara can see the back of Willows head, and for some reason unknown reason - even to Tara - she put the diary under her pillow, closes her eyes and pretends to sleep. She tries to even her breaths out as much as possible, knowing that it is the difference between knowing someone is awake or asleep. As Tara shuts her eyes she begins to wonder what she is doing, and why she is hiding from Willow, and the only thing she could think of is that she is shy, it is almost as though the relationship between them is starting again, and when they met; Tara was a blithering fool. Tara also thought that it was because she didn't want to get Willows hopes up with some memories which may or may not have even happened. _

_From the other side of the door Tara could now hear Willow talking, until finally silence. The door handle to the room rattles and then finally the door opens, followed by a quiet Willow, closing the door behind her. She sits in the chair next to Tara, her new home for now until the distant future – or until Tara is strong enough to go home. Willow draws her knees up to her chests and exhales deeply, staring at the constant rise and fall of Tara's sternum; that is when Willow begins to break down and cry into her knees._

**Willow POV**

_I don't think I can do this anymore. Everything we have worked so for over these last few years, washed away like nothing ever happened. I am sorry baby; I just don't think I can deal with this. I don't know if I even exist without you anymore, no; I am pretty certain you are my entire life, there is no me without you. I lean in to grab Tara's hand and I take it in mine.  
>"I'm sorry." I merely utter, the tears still cascading down my face, as though there is no end to them. <em>

**Tara POV**

_I hear her sit of the chair next to me, the air almost uncomfortably quiet, I hear the clunking of the chair and her begin to exhale, followed by sobbing. I can't just lay here knowing she is in so much pain, because of me. I am about to roll my head to the side slowly and open my eyes, as though waking up from sleep when I feel her touching my hand, a shiver runs up my spine and my belly dances as though millions of butterflies are fluttering around. She whispers two little words that make tears form almost instantly in my eyes, 'I'm sorry...' _

Tara rolls her head slowly towards the direction of Willow and slowly begins to open her eyes. Willow sees this and almost jumps in the spot, wiping her tears away on the back of her sleeve.

"Hey." Tara almost rapidly says with a small smile appearing at the corners of her mouth.

"Hey." Willow replies, a little light in her eyes sparking up again. "How are you feeling, swee-?" Willow asks, trailing off before finishing the word sweetie.

"I-I'm feeling a-a little better, Thank You. N-No doubt thanks t-to some morphine, but I-I am not complaining." Tara smiles shyly at Willow, looking her in the eyes. "I-Is there any c-chance you could get m-me some w-w-water please?"

"Oh, yes, of course!" Willow stands up and walk to the end of the bed where a bed tray is placed, water and a glass is all that occupies it. Willow pours some water into the glass and hands it over to Tara, their hands touch for the just the slightest moment, however; fireworks ring out in Tara's head.

"Th-Thank you, Willow." Tara retorts shyly.

"While I am here, is there anything else you need, some magazines or anything?" Willow asks.

Tara takes a sip from the water and struggles her hand behind her pillow and pulls out the journal. "I-I found this next to my bed e-earlier, you-you put it there?"

"Yes. I went to your dorm and picked up a few of your things, I found this on your dressing table... I never knew you kept a diary. I didn't dare take a peek, I just put it in my rucksack with a few of your night clothes and put it next to you a little while ago." Willow recounted.

"T-Thank you, Willow." Tara smiles in retort.

"It no problem at all, I had to go get Buffy some bits too." Willow rambled off on one.

Tara raises and eyebrow and cocks her head to the side, asking who Buffy was in her own way and Willow caught on.  
>"Buffy, if our friend, she and I have known each other for a long time now. You have known her for a couple of years since you became an avid member of our group. Buffy was in the garden when Warren came and surprised us and started firing bullets left right and centre in a ferocious rage. He caught Buffy on her shoulder but you got the worst hit, they say – they say that even a centimetre over and it could have penetrated your heart and you would have died instantly." Her eyes spilling over with tears as she relapsed yesterday's events back the Tara. Willow – who had her hand resting on the bed next to Tara was surprised when Tara took her hand, comfort seeping through her skin, deep into her bones as she stared at Tara in the eyes.<p>

"I am fine; you don't need to be so sad," Tara sheepishly replied. "I know I am having a little trouble remembering things... But Urm – I don't want to be getting any hopes up or anything, but as I was reading the journal earlier I happened to remember just a little something, a face." Tara flips to the back of the book and opens it. The look on Willow's face says it all, she recognised those sinister eyes and smiles anywhere, those were the gentleman.  
>Willow takes a massive deep gulp before talking, "This man you have drawn, he is one of the men who make up 'the gentleman".<p>

"They t-take your voices, why?" Tara asked intrigued.

"_Can't even shout, Can't even cry, the Gentlemen are coming by, looking through windows, knocking on doors, they need to take seven and they might take yours."_ Willow recalled in a sing song manner, pointing at the left side of her chest as the words 'they need to take seven' was sung out.

The small hairs stood on the back of Tara's neck again, closing her eyes she could see their gormless faces chasing her through the dorm block. "I – I didn't get too far with th-the journal... Wo-would you like to r-read me the rest of the entry?" Tara asked, looking at Willow and asking her in complete trust.

"I would love to, Sweetie, but only if you are sure." Will cocked her head, asking Tara .

"Y-yeah I-I am sure. I got t-to this part." Tara replies pointing to the part of the diary before she had notice Willow standing outside.

Willow takes a deep breath, emotions rushing through her body, excited yet afraid of what is written in the diary and she begins to read.

I ran out from the open elements and get into Stephenson building where I begin to bang for my life onto the dorm room doors, hoping and praying that someone, somewhere would care to answer the door and save me from lord knows what. I run down what seems like an endless corridor, banging on doors with not prevail, finally; I reach the end of the hall, stairs going up to the next floor of the building. I clamber up them with fear raging in my heart, truly fearful for my life, freight pumping adrenaline around my body until it is numb, running for what felt like forever. I reached the next level of the building and I begin to bang ferociously, again, no one answering. I turn around fearing for how close these creatures are getting when I run into somebody in the hall way. I turn around and see Willow on the floor, I clamber to my feet and pull her up with me, I begin to run followed shortly by Willow as she sees the creatures that are chasing us. Fear evades my body, not only for myself but for Willow too. We both run into a small staff room looking area with a giant vending machine. As we get in the room Willow's ankle buckles, the fear and panic overwhelm is as she collapses to the floor. As Willow sits in the floor in agony I can see the sheer concentration on her face as she stares at the vending machine, it wobbles slightly and I can see the giant disheartened look on her face. I gather all the courage in my body – mixed with some of the adrenaline – and offer my hand to Willow, she accepts and we both begin to concentrate on the vending machine, it moves with ease.

We celebrate slightly with a smile to one and other before my nerves get the better of me and I sit in the corner with my knees drawn to my chest my head between them, my breathing deep. I felt so embarrassed by my behaviour that I peer up from my comfort zone for just a second, I see Willow looking at me and our eyes meet. My heart bounces around in my chest as her head cocks to the left in a questioning manner. I strung helplessly back, breaking my eye contact as I begin to go all coy. We are confined to that room for what feels like forever, though realistically it was no longer then half an hour. I look at Willow and then peer at the vendor and then back at Willow, she nods her head, we hold hands and then concentrate on moving the vendor, and again it moves effortlessly back to its original place.

I walk Willow back to her dorm room and she enters, staring back at me with the emerald eyes. I can tell that I still look worried and exhausted; she lifts one shoulder and cocks her head to the side, asking me whether I wanted to come in, no need for words. I avoid eye contact with her and shake my head slowly, stepping backwards and look down the corridor before looking back at Willow. She stares at me with her big beautiful eyes and I try to resist the urge to not look into them, evidently I fail. It is almost like she is trying to tease me and I reluctantly shrug my shoulder and nod, looking down at the floor as I do so. Willow moves aside to that I can enter the room and I do. Inside I can see two beds, one evidently Willows and one for her room mate. She walks over to the bed and takes a pillow and blanket from the bed before setting herself on the floor next to the bed. She pats the bed and then looks at me, she had offered her bed to me – me, Tara Maclay, nobody has ever offered me their bed before, now Willow, sweet Willow has. I sit down on the bed and peer down at Willow, her eyes forever filled with kindness and warmth, I smile shyly at her. I lay down in the bed and peer over at the clock on the bedside table, it reveals that it is almost 2 am. Willow unexpectedly grabs my hand in comfort and gives it a squeeze before releasing and switching the bedside lamp off, leaving us in darkness, reflecting on what happened throughout the earlier night. I stare at the darkened ceiling the sound of Willows soft sleeping breath echoing round the room, I get up slowly and sneak out back to my own dorm, where I begin to write this entry. I plan to go back in the morning to thank her for saving me last night, as well as; apologise for leaving. Oh, and on a brighter note, my voice has come back. Till later, Tara.

Willow peers up from the notebook and over at Tara, her eyes closed deep in thought and concentration. Slowly she opens her eyes and peers back at Willow, a small, coy smile on her face.  
>"Do you remember...?" Willow enquired.<br>"A little..." Tara replies, closing her eyes again.

_I close my eyes, recollecting what Willow has just read out from the diary, small snippets of the events that happened that night, Willow falling to the floor as her ankle buckles; Our holding of hands as we move the vending machine; Walking her to her dorm... I feel a small smile creeping on my face as butterflies evade my stomach, seeing mine and Willows relationship grow from the very beginning._

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><p>Thank you for having the time to read this chapter and story, please feel free to review or even favorite :) I will try to update sooner then later :)<p> 


	7. I call on Osiris

**Tara's hospital room – Early AM **

Tara opens her eyes slowly, she feels well rested – more so then she has felt in a while. Through the window she can tell that the world is still very much dead outside, the darkness of night traversing through the window. The room rests in near darkness aside from the beam of line coming from under the door that leads into the corridor, along with the silvery castings of the moon through the window. Tara sits in the hospital room in a muted hush, a cold breeze rolls through the room, goose-bumps rising up on her arms as chills move over her body. Tara shivers in the cold and prepares to manoeuvre the blanket up and over her shoulder. She peers down to find where the top of the blanket sets, however; she is stopped by a sleeping Willow whose head rests on the top of the blanket next to where Tara's hand was resting earlier. She'll remain chilly for tonight.

"Baby?" Tara whispers quietly and starts to stroke Willows hair softly. "W-what happened to me? I'm so scared."

From beneath Tara's stroking hand Willow stirs awake. She slowly raises her body from the bed and rubs her eyes with the back of her hand and then wipes away some drool from her lip. "Tara?" She questions wearily.

"Will? Baby?" Tara exclaims.

"Tara? Are you back, Baby?" Willow asks, her eyes filling with tears.

"I felt so lost, Will. Where have I been?" Tara asks, tears flowing down over her cheeks.

Willow leans forward into Tara's lap and releases a whole range of emotions; Tara sits in silence stroking Willow's hair as she cries. Eventually Willow gets up from Tara's lap and looks deep into her eyes, the familiarity and life back in them like before all this happened in what felt like a lifetime ago.

"I miss you so much, Baby!" Willow exclaims placing her hand on either side of cheeks before leaning in for a kiss, Tara leans in to meet her and their lips met. "Where did you go to?" Willow whispers silently into the night.

Willow lies with her eyes closed and listens around the room. From outside the window the birds are singing their happy songs, from outside the door – in the corridor – Willow can hear the hospital buzzing as though full of life. Willow sits up, opens her eyes and finds her hand being grasped tightly by Tara's; she tries to move from the reticulated grip carefully before setting back in the chair. She admires the constant rise and fall of Tara's chest, thanking the god for not stealing her away. She smiles to herself at the recollection of their life together and the future that they share, and eventually she closes her eyes and drifts back into the unconscious world of sleep.

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><p>I stand opposite the beauty that is Tara. She peers across at me and sexily pushes her hair behind her ear, smiling at me as she does so, teasing me with her eyes. Looking back over the last couple of months I feign a wonder of how I ever let her go without more of a fight. I guess that I was being selfish – I couldn't see past my lust for magic. When she threatened to leave I hurt so much inside I just wanted her to stay – I betrayed her. She was right to leave – I guess the old saying is true, 'If you love something set it fee... If it comes back then it is yours, if it does not, then it never was'. I guess Tara will always be mines, and I hers. Now standing here together like the last few months never even happened, we are both happy – a small hole in my heart is now filled again, and I am full of elation.<p>

_BANG! _

"Your shirt?!" Tara exclaims before collapsing to the ground in a bloodied heap.

"Tara, Baby?" I cry as she lies limp in my arms, my inside rotting and going black as the best part of my life dies in my arms. "Osiris, bring her back!" I shout. "Bring her back to me!"

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><p>Tara shakes Willow rapidly and Willow awakes from her nightmare.<p>

"W-Willow, Are- Are you okay?" Tara asks in utmost terror as she looks petrified at Willow.

Looking at Willow her eyes were Jet-black and veins where protruding out of her forehead. The roots of her hair had turned black too and she was shaking all over.

Willow stares almost blankly at Tara before bringing up her knees to her chest where she begins to cry with no end in sight.

"W-Willow? Pl-Please don't cry." Tara pleaded.

Willow looks up at Tara, her eyes slowly fading back to their normal irresistible emerald green and her hair fades back to its normal coppery colouring too, her veins fading with every second. "I'm sorry." She simply states, addressing Tara directly.

"W-What for?" Tara asks.

"For not saving you." Willow almost whispers before retreating into her knees for another bout of crying.

"I'm still here, W-Willow. It was just a-a dream." Tara states matter of factly.

Willow peers up again to look at Tara, her eyes innocently looking back, this wasn't her Tara, this was past Tara, this was forget everything that ever happening Tara, this was forget Willow Tara.

"Why?" Willow whispers under her breath. "Why me!"

"Wh-What happened to you Willow? You-You were so sc-scary." Tara asked.

"A piece of the darkness got me again. I-I was having a dream and-and you died."

"Who-Who's Osiris?" Tara enquired.

"He is magic – He brings people back to life." Willow stoops her head ashamed.

"Tha-Thats evil! Th-That is not right!" Tara snaps back utterly shocked. "Why would you even..." She pauses for a moment. "N-No, not for me! Y-You didn't bring me back, d-did you?"

Willow looks at Tara her eyes streaming with tears as they moisten her cheeks she goes to grab Tara's hand but Tara pulls back from her grasp, a pure look of disgust on her face.

"I didn't." Willow replied looking her back dead in the eyes. "I didn't, but I would have!" She snaps back. "It is what you do for the person you love! It is what you do for your whole life!"

A rage boils in Tara's eyes, "No, you don't! You mourn for that person and move on! You don't commit the ungodly and bring them back for your own selfish gain!" Tears begin to fall from Tara's eyes as she shout at Willow, a pain panging in her heart as she looks at the stranger with a strong magnetic connection deep within her heart.

Willow looks at Tara – the innocent teenager looks back at her, anger fuelled inside her eyes. Willow stands and Tara's eyebrows furrow together as Willow approaches the door.

"That's not what you said about your mom..." She stated before exiting brashly.

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><p><strong>Buffy's hospital room – Mid Morning <strong>

Willow knew she shouldn't have said anything, even as the words drained out her mouth. She had gone too far, again. The difference being this time Tara could not come about forgiving her because Tara felt nothing towards Willow meaning the arguments were real and not just some lover quarrel. Willow makes her way down the corridor and knocks on Buffy's door before opening it slowly.

"Hey, Will. How..." Buffy pauses and looks up at Willow, her eyes red and puffy as more tears fall over her cheeks. Willow slowly makes her way over to Buffy before collapsing on the chair next to her.

"Everything is going to be fine, Will. Whatever has happened, Will, we'll sort it out." Buffy explains truthfully.

Willow holds her hand out and Buffy takes it comfortingly. Willow seem to just cry out every single emotion she has ever felt in her life whilst Buffy watches and comforts from the sidelines.

Tara stares at the hospital room door waiting for Willow to talk back in – she doesn't. Eventually Tara picks up the diary and begins to read. A couple of entries were just updating information about Willow and the Scooby's; although nothing seemed to click. However; when he reached one entry her mind seemed to be activated by constant memories, of which some were painful, the others were wonderful.

* * *

><p><em>Dearest Mom,<em>

_ Today my heart seemed to get ripped out of my chest. I was at the Scooby meeting at Giles' with Willow and the rest of the gang when a guy shows up. Oz. I had hoped that I had prepared enough not to get so hurt, but it hurts so much. I knew that if Oz ever came back into the picture Willow would go back to him, I hadn't really expected anything less. I do, however; wished that it had not been so soon. As soon as I saw Willow's face when Oz entered I knew I couldn't handle it so I chicken out, made some stupid excuse and left. I skipped out on studying and crawled into the pit of despair, commonly referred to as my dorm room. Sitting in the chair in the corner, staring out the window not really seeing anything I have my knees pulled up to my chest, thinking back over everything, mulling everything over. I felt things getting really good between us and I even brought up about the can we could have together – could have had together. Even if Willow wasn't female inclined she had become a great friend, and I was slowly beginning to fall in love with her. I have got to stop writing this journal for tonight because I cannot fight with these emotions anymore, I must embrace them because I know I will be seeing more of them over the next few days. _

_ Goodbye for now, Tara._

* * *

><p>Tara peers up from the journal, her hand placed on her chest above her heart, a tear falling from her cheek as she remembers that morning clear as day. The way that Willow looked at Oz, the way that Oz looked back, the connection that joined them together. A small tear falls from her eye, she wipes it away and peers across at the door waiting for Willow to return, she doesn't. Tara peers down back at the journal, flicking to the next entry before reading.<p>

* * *

><p><strong><em>Thank you for taking the time to read this updatestory. I am truely sorry to any fans out there who were expecting quick updates, honestly I've had some writers block and haven't written anything in what feels like such a long time. I have recently finished college and am currently looking for a full time job. This is just a short chapter to help get my ball rolling ,hopefully get another chapter within a week or so :) Enjoy. _**_Matash21_


	8. Return to Oz

**Buffy's Hospital Room**

Willow sits crying in the seat next to Buffy, their hand's the only thing connecting them as Willow cries for what seems like forever. Eventually Willow peers up to look at Buffy who is looking back, concerned for Willow, her eyes sympathetic.

"Come here, Will." Buffy states before opening her arms to invite Willow in for a hug. Buffy knew that it would hurt, but it was all worth it to comfort her best friend.

Willow reluctantly gets to her feet and Buffy shifts over so that Willow can lie down next to her, Willow practically falls into Buffy's arms and with a sharp grimace Buffy holds her best friend as she begins to cry again.

Buffy strokes Willow's hair as Willow sobs silently into Buffy's arms. Buffy feels meaningless as she feels like there is no way of consoling her friend. After a half hour passes Willow looks up at Buffy who is still stroking her hair compassionately.

"You ready to talk about it, Will?" Buffy enquires kindly.

Willow slowly gets to her feet before finding the chair pulled up beside Buffy and sits down in it. She takes a deep breath and shudders slightly before speaking, "I have done something terrible...," Willow states, peering down at her lap in dismay.

"What exactly have you done, Will?" Buffy requests intrigued.

Willow peers back at Buffy - her eyes full of compassion and desire to help her friend. Willow breaths in harshly again before releasing slowly, "Well, this morning I thought that I had my Tara back... It was early hours of the morning and she woke me up, completely lucid, she was my Tara. She – She told me that she had been lost and she didn't know where she had been, I looked at her and I could see the woman I love staring back at me. We – We kissed and it was magical, she was back with me and I just held her before we both fell asleep. However; when I woke up this morning she was – gone. In the place of my Tara laid this teenage imposter who seemed to have no real recollection of the life we have shared together over the past few years." Willow is close to the brink of tears again, recollecting the brief wondrous moment that she and Tara shared in the early of hours of the morning.

"Will. I can't begin to understand how that must have felt for you. I know how much Tara means to you. I'm so sorry for everything that has happened." Buffy empathetically retorts, grabbing Willow's hand and squeezing it comfortingly.

"It has been so hard trying to get Tara to remember everything that has happened. We had a fight because I went all Wicca Willow whilst I was having a dream. I called upon Osiris in my dream because instead of living, Tara died. My hair and eyes turned black and veins were popping out of my face in the dream and they were happening in real life. Tara woke me up petrified and she asked me who Osiris was, I told her that he was magic and he brought the dead back to life. She – she was outraged and couldn't believe that I would ever bring anyone back from the dead..." Willow looked at Buffy, acknowledging that she had used Osiris to bring to bring her back from the dead.

"What did you tell her?" Buffy inquisitively enquired.

"I told her that it was something that you did for the person that you loved, no matter the repercussions." Willow responded adamantly as though in the heat of the situation again.

Buffy furrowed her eyebrows together, understanding the true emotion that her best friend felt in the split second of a moment meaning losing and keeping the most important person in the world to her. "And how did she respond to this?"

"She basically told me I was wrong, that it would mean committing the ungodly and I am selfish thinking for personal gain." Willow's head drops and she loosens her grip on Buffy's hand, obviously feeling remorse for plucking Buffy out of heaven where she was content and happy.

"No, Willow, No! Don't even think that!" Buffy grips Willow's hand with both of her hands. "I understand why you brought me back now. You thought that I was in some hellish dimension where I was being tortured for eternity."

Willow peers up at Buffy, her eyes over flowing with tears again, "But you weren't!" Willow retorts in almost a shout, pulling her hand from Buffy's, "You were ripped from heaven, by me. All because I missed my best friend so much! Tara was right, I was selfish and ungodly. Maybe this is my punishment from the gods for bringing you back, I do not get to spend my life with the one true person that I love with my whole body and soul." Willow stands up and prepares to leave Buffy's room.

"Will! You need to pull yourself together, not for only your sake but for Tara's. Think how scared she must be, how alone she must feel at this moment in time, forgetting everything she done over the past few years. She is all alone in this world now, her father wants nothing to do with her and her mother is dead, you are the only thing she has left in the world, make sure that she knows that you are there for her no matter what. Even if she hates you just for a little while let her know that you still care for her, that you are still here no matter what happens."

Willow turns around to face Buffy, her eyes full of integrity, "Thank you, Buffy. I was just about willing to give up hope," Willow retorts before walking back over to Buffy, leaning in for a hug and Buffy accepts, enveloping the fragile Willow within her arms.

"Go convince the woman that you love that you are still in love with her, that nothing can come between you."Buffy encourages Willow enthusiastically.

Willow kisses Buffy on the forehead as a thank you and proceeds towards the door, "Rest up, I want my best friend back up on her feet again," Willow declares before exiting through the hospital door, closing it behind her.

* * *

><p><span><strong>Sunnydale Hospital<strong>

Willow wanders the corridors of the hospital, one destination in mind: the gift shop. She walks down corridor after corridor with no real prevail, eventually getting frustrated - and ultimately missing Tara – she asks a member of staff where the gift shop was, not knowing she had been walking in circles on the wrong floor a nurse points her in the right direction. Willow hops in an elevator and makes her way up to the third floor, where – as soon as the elevator doors opens – she discovers a small gift shop, as well as; a small canteen. She exits the elevator and walks over to the store, peering at flowers that are pristine in the doorway as she enters. One bunch stands out to her and she picks up a medium size bouquet of purple lilies. She saunters over to the cash register where an older woman in her sixties serves. As Willow approaches the register she sets her eyes upon a small teddy in the form of a cat and remembers Kitty Fantastico, the small kitten she and Tara had after they first started their relationship. She smiles to herself in recollection, picking up the stuffed toy and placing it and the flowers onto the counter.

"That comes to $15, my dear," The older cashier smiles and Willow takes $15 out of the pocket and places it carefully onto the counter, "Have a wonderful day, my dear," the older cashier consults.

Willow smiles, thanks the woman, and then exits the store, walking back over to the elevator she presses the button and summons the elevator. She waits a few minutes for the elevator to reach the third floor but when it opens with a ding it is empty, she enters and presses the button for the ground floor. Once inside the elevator Willow's ears pick up on a catchy song that is playing, she smiles to herself and starts to tap her foot, getting lost in the music. She gets so enticed into the music that she fails to notice the elevator doors opening on the ground floor, a porter and his transporting patient giggle to themselves innocently. Snapping back into reality Willow blushes embarrassed; she exits the elevator and walks down the endless corridors to find Tara's room.

Willow eventually arrives at the door of Tara's room; she peers through the window in the door and notices that Tars is reading the diary, her heart pounds in her chest and her stomach churns butterflies as though on a first date. Taking a sharp intake of breath Willow knocks on the door; flowers held behind her back, awaiting a response.

From the other side of the door Tara peers up from the diary and sees the red head waiting anxiously, she can't help but form a smile at the fact that Willow had returned after their argument earlier that day. Tara composes herself, tucking the diary back beneath her pillow before calling out to Willow, "Come in!" She nervously hollers.

Willow enters the room, the flowers held behind her back.  
>"I want..." They both start to speak simultaneously; they both smile and cut off their sentences.<p>

"Y-You go." Tara insists.

"I just want to apologise for being out of line earlier. You didn't deserve what I gave to you; I know that you cannot help the amnesia and that this isn't your fault." Willow speaks matter of factly and pulls out the flowers from behind her back, "I'm sorry."

Willow encroaches upon Tara who seems to be speechless by the whole array of events that seemed to have happened in such a short span of time. She may not know what exactly has happened over the past couple of year, however; there is one thing that is apparent: she is in love with a perfect stranger.

A few tears begin to build within Tara's eyes, "Thank you," she manages to articulate, "Purple lilies," she brings them up to her nose and sniffs in the aroma, "B-Beautiful!" She whispers, a tear falling down her cheek.

Willow smiles at this action, taking a seat next to Tara's bedside, "So, what did you want to tell me?" Willow enquires.

"I-I just wanted to apologise too, I reflected on what you said, and I thank you for what you said. I-If I had d-died it gives me comfort knowing that someone cares that much about me to bring me back, whatever the repercussions." Tara drops her hand to the side of the bed, wanting a small connection with the woman she feels so much and so little for.

Willow reluctantly cups Tara's hand with both of hers, slowly bringing it up to her lips, placing a delicate kiss upon it.

At this action Tara's hairs on the back of her neck began to stand on end, goose pumps rising on her arms as her stomach battles with butterflies. With this reaction Tara knew that there was something she was missing, that she wanted to remember Willow as much as her body seemed to. Straining to remember anything about Willow seemed to be impossible, she knew that she belongs here somewhere it was just impossible to see through the frosted glass that was her memory.

With Willow still holding Tara's hand and looking at her reassuringly Tara cannot take the overwhelming emotion anymore and fundamentally breaks down, tearing her hand out of Willow's.

"Tara, sweetie. What's wrong?" Willow asks in a worried tone.

Tara does not reply, instead she brings her hands to her face and continues to cry.

Willow sits watching the woman she loves for more than twenty minutes, afraid to touch her; afraid to hold her. Not wanting to break anything that they may have built up already.

Willow notices that Tara begins to ease and eventually she moves her hands away from her face, her eye bulbous and red as the tears silently slide downs her cheek.

"I'm here. No matter what, I'll be here for you from now on."

Willow offers a comforting hand to Tara, Tara hesitantly takes it in her own, squeezing it softly before looking deep into Willow's eyes, "I-I don't deserve you," Tara stammers, "H-How do I have someone like y-you in my life, and not even r-remember you..." Tara trails off, a fresh set of tears now falling from her eyes.

Willow takes the initiative to bridge the gap between them, she leans across to Tara and envelopes her in her arms. Tara shows no restraint and accepts Willow's body for refuge Willow beings to stroke Tara's hair and in the moment Tara gets a sudden flashback of their life together.

* * *

><p><span><strong>Tara's dorm room - 3 years ago<strong>

I sit on my bed, thinking about everything that has happened over the past couple of months; I think of Willow. I know that she is going to choose Oz; I can just feel it deep down in the pit of my stomach, when I went round there earlier he seemed all that she described him as, and more.

I peer up at the clock in my room, not really feeling class today, however; I must go to try and get this whole situation off of my mind, for a little while at least. I start to head out to get to class when there is a knock on my door.

Knock Knock Knock.

I open it to see Willow staring back at me.

"Hi..." She addresses me.

"Hi..." I manage to verbalise back. I see her staring at me, I long to say something but my words get lost. Instead I just move aside, an unspoken invitation into my room.

"I can only stay a minute. I have class." Willow speaks hastily.

"Me too, I-I-I have class too." I manage to stutter out.

"I just wanted you to know that what you saw this morning, it wasn't..."

"No-No, it's okay. I always knew that if he came back..."

"We were just talking. Nothing happened." Willow defends herself.

"Oh!" I mutter in a hushed whisper, happy that some part of her is still mine, "Really?"

"But, you know... It was intense, just talking. We have a lot to talk about..." She pauses and looks around the room, "I kinda' feel like my head is gonna' explode," she turns around, my heart pacing in my chest. _Why did I have to fall in love with a girl who will never love me back..._

"Whatever you know happens, I'll still be here; I'll still be your friend." I articulate, as much as it pains me to do so.

Willow looks alarmed by this statement, "Of course we'll be friends, that's not even a question!"

I panic slightly, afraid of my true emotions, "But I'm saying, I know what Oz means to you..."

Willow looks at me, her eyes nearly spilling with tears, "How can you, when I'm not even sure. I mean, I know what he meant to me. But, he left and everything changed, I changed, and, then we..."

"What..?" I interrupt.

"I don't know, I just... life was starting to get so good, again, and, you're a bit part of that and, here come the thing I wanted most of all, and I don't know what to do, I want to know, but... I don't." Every word brings me closer to her; inches away I can feel her trembling, I just want to hold her.

I take a step closer to her, reaching my hand up to her cheek, "Do what make you h-h-happy." I utter, trying to hold the tears from falling.

She looks me in the eyes, cocks her head like a spaniel as though contemplating a decision before breaking the barrier between us, she wraps her arms around me and holds me close. I feel as though I am floating on air as we hold each other close, I stoke her hair as I feel her crying silently into my shoulder. I want her to choose me; but maybe this is a way for her saying her final goodbye...

* * *

><p><span><strong>Tara's Hospital Room - Sunnydale Hospital<strong> 

"Tara, baby?" Willow shakes Tara gently.

"mmh?" Tara groggily moans, slowly opening her eyes, "Wh-What happened?" She asks disorientated.

"You-You passed out..." Willow retorts close to the brink of tears, "I was so scared," Willow weeps holding Tara's hand, "One minute I am trying to comfort you, the next you are just gone..."

Tara looks at Willow, not knowing if what just happened was just a dream or not. She reflects over the dream and ponders silently to herself, taking her hand from Willows, "Oz?" Tara states to Willow, looking her dead in the eyes.

"Oz? What do you mean, sweetie?" Willow wipes a tear from her cheek, looking at Tara confused.

"You-You didn't choose Oz," Tara states, looking deep into Willow's eyes, "You had to choose between me and Oz..." She continues to state her dream and her previous diary entry to Willow, "You chose me," Tears welling up in her eyes.

Willow takes Tara's hand in hers again, bringing it up to her lips, "Of course I chose you..." Willow places a gentle kiss upon Tara's hand, "I will always be here for you, even if you just need a friend."

" I do not remember most of what has happened over the past few years, however; reading my diary I have been getting some memories back. All these memories seem to make up my life before the accident, and you seem to be a big part of that," Tara states looking at Willow with complete honesty, "I want to remember you, and everything we have shared together, b-but..."

"But?" Willow raises the question.

"I-It is going to take time. I-I understand if you can't wait, and I'm sure my future memory self will understand too." Tara painfully utters, not wanting Willow to give up on her, but not wanting Willow to know that she has these feeling for her also.

"I'll wait... No matter how long. I'll still be yours," Willow retorts reassuringly, squeezing Tara's hand.

Tara smiles at this gesture before reaching behind her pillow to pull out the diary, "Let's get my memories back..."

* * *

><p><em><strong>What did you guys think? I spend a long time trying to figure this chapter and future chapters out. I have enjoyed re-watching episodes to see what flashbacks and diary entries I can use next. I hope to get another chapter to you within a couple of weeks as I am planning a long and eventful one. Hope you enjoyed it, and remember, if you want to keep following this story don't forget to alert, or even favourite. Ciao, Ashley (AKA matash21) <strong>_


	9. A familiar face

Dearest mom,

,I have a niggling in the pit of my stomach. The Scooby Gang has been acting all weird lately, since me and Willow announced our relationship. It seems like everyone is freaked out by the whole thing. It's almost as if they frown on me for turning Willow gay, it's not like I cast a spell on her or anything. If Willow is gay and chose me then that is her own free will to do so. I don't feel accepted in the group at all, the looks I get just make me feel uncomfortable and it's not like I am any help with research. Willow is the witch amongst the gang - where I fall far beneath apprentice – Giles is the watcher who trains Buffy; Buffy is The Slayer, Xander is research guy; Anya has firsthand experience with demons after being one. Even Dawn is more use then I am and she is only 14, Tara: the great and useless. I know that the group has some major adjusting to do, for Willow has never been gay before, however; all I can say is: 'Tempora mutantur et nos matamur in illis' – the time are changing and we change in them.

* * *

><p><strong>Tara's hospital room – Sunnydale hospital<strong>

Tara reads an entry to her diary on her bed. A couple of days have passed since the shooting and she is feeling better by the day, except for a searing headache she seems to be getting now and again. She sits alone reading in her room; it is ten in the morning and the sound of chirping birds sing through the window. There is a brief knock on the door and a familiar nurse enters the room.

"Good morning, Tara." The nurse greets humbly.

"Good morning to you too, Carol." Tara retorts cheerfully with a smile.

Carol is a nurse who works the morning shift Monday to Thursday. She is a small petite woman in her early forties and her brown hair show signs of age as the roots of gray are growing through. Carol first came on her shift two days again, and being Wednesday now she feels like she has grown a bond with her long term patient already, "No Red today?" She asks noticing the absence of Willow.

Willow had kept up her end of the bargain and had stayed by Willow's side, night and day. Constantly.

"I suggested she go for a coffee break," Tara replies. "And she has gone to visit her friend..." She pauses for a second, "Our friend."

"Ah, I see. How is the memory coming along?" Carol asks inquisitively.

"I have this diary that I read to try and help me. Snippets of memories are coming back when I read certain memories," Tara pauses, deep in thought. "H-How can someone just forget the last five years of their life?" She continues.

"Traumatic events can cause psychological memory loss..."

"So, you are s-saying that I want to forget my l-life?" Tara interrupts Carol.

"It can also be a short term effect on of your brain being starved of oxygen," Carol explains. "Say for example if it was psychological, it means that subconsciously you wanted to go back to a time when you felt safe and secure." Carol adds.

"When I was seventeen, back when my mom was alive..." Tara thinks out loud.

"If this is the case then the only thing that you can do to remember is allow yourself to remember – or not. If you really want to remember then read the diary, if you don't then you can embrace a new life and forget everything that has happened between then and now. Only you can decide."

Tara stares into space for a moment, contemplating her options. What can she gain from a new replenished life? What has she got to lose? _Willow. _

Willow wanders through the open hospital room door, clutching two cups; one in each hand.

"I hope that is not coffee, Red." Carol states addressing Willow.

"Hot chocolate," She replies confidently. "S-she is allowed hot chocolate?" She retracts her confidence.

"Of course she is, just teasing." Carol retorts, tossing a smile in Willow's direction.

Willow walks over to Tara and hands her the hot chocolate. Their hands brush slightly and Tara feels the electricity all over the sins, she forces a coy smile at Willow. Willow sits down in the chair next to Tara as Carol performs her routine tests. "How is the pain today, between one and ten, one being barely noticeable, ten being excruciating."

"About a five." Tara retorts.

"That's great, you are making steady process." Carol smiles vibrantly. "I also need to change your dressing."

Tara begins to unbutton her pyjama shirt before realising Willow is still present in the room and watching her every move. She is torn between the stranger Willow whom she only met a couple of days ago and the love of her life Willow. Ultimately she decides to play it safe.

"I-I'm feeling a little hungry, a-any chance you can get me s-some chocolate from the m-machine?" She asks innocently.

"Sure thing, sweetie." Willow retorts happily before getting to her feet and exiting the door, shutting it as she goes.

"You still not sure about Red?" Carol enquires as she prepares a new suture for the wound.

Tara looks over at Carol and continues to unbutton her shirt so that Carol can gain access to the wound to her chest. "I don't know. Part of me aches for her presence, yet the other part still thinks that she i a stranger." Tara admits.

"What do your memories tell you?" Carol asks.

"My memories tell me that she was a massive part of my life," Tara recalls. "But there is something ebbing in the pit of my stomach, and I don't know what it is."

"If you love something set it free, if it comes back then it is yours, if it doesn't then it never was." Carol recalls the saying as she replaces the dressing.

"You think I should let her go?" Tara asks.

"I think that time and distance gives us the ability to reflect on what we truly want." Carol retorts matter of factly. "On a positive side note, your wound seems to be healing nicely, I'd say you'll be free to be discharged in a couple of days, maybe a week tops."

"A couple of days? Where would I go?" Tara retorts, troubled by the uncertain future ahead of her.

"I think that that is something that you need to decide for yourself." Carol responds as she places the dirty sutures in the trash.

Willow enters the room, her arms full of chocolate bars and places them at the end of the bed, "I panicked. I wasn't sure what you wanted."

Carol picks up the chart hanging at the end of Tara's bed and jots down some notes before replacing it, "I'll be back a little later to check on you." She states before exiting the room, closing the door behind her, leaving the two girls alone.

"You-You didn't have to do that, wh-whatever one you had chosen would have been fine." Tara speaks.

"Sorry." Willow replies. "At least you have a selection to choose from now."

"That is true. I'll have the nougat." Tara responds.

Willow hands Tara the nougat and picks up herself some white chocolate.

The room falls in silence, although there is no sound Willow can hear Tara thinking, "Penny for your thoughts?" She asks innocently.

"I-It's nothing. Still trying to w-wrap my head around it all still." Tara sighs.

"Oh..." Is the only thing that Willow can manage.

Again, the room falls in silence. There is a strange feeling in the air like something has changed since Willow had left to get chocolate. It almost seems like Tara is uncomfortable in the presence of Willow, her arms are folded across her chest and she talks with the nervous stutter. Had something been mentioned in her absence for Tara to think of her any differently?

"A-are you okay?" Tara asks.

"Sorry. I was daydreaming." Willow retorts.

"I-I asked how Buffy was." Tara repeats.

"Oh – I didn't actually see her. I just had a wander." Willow explains.

There is a knocking on the door and Tara looks at Willow and nods. "Come in!" Willow shouts on behalf of Tara.

A man enters the room, "Hello Tara..."

"Dad?" Tara questions bewildered.

"_Dad?"_ Willow wonders confused and turns around to be face with Mr Maclay.

The room sits in silence for a few minutes before Tara finally speaks, "W-What are you doing here, S-S-Sir?" Tara asks confused.

"I got a phone call from the hospital, they told me that you were in some kind of accident and that you are suffering from some short term amnesia," Mr Maclay explains. "Your memory seems fine to me."

"D-D-Dad, th-this is W-W-Willow." Tara stammers, obviously uncomfortable within the presence of her father.

"We've met." Mr Maclay snaps.

"Y-You have?" Tara retorts, still confused.

"Unfortunately." Willow whispers under her breath.

"What was that, little girl?" Mr Maclay asks angrily.

"I said, Tara's twentieth Birthday." Willow retorts quick on her feet.

"M-My twentieth?" Tara asks disgruntled and confused.

"He came to..."

"Wish you Happy Birthday!" Mr Maclay interrupted, glaring at Willow eerily.

Willow glares back, trying to extinguish the fiery rage in the pit of her stomach. "I think that I will go visit Buffy. Leave you two alone for a while."

Tara can see the anger and rage pent up on Willow's face, and she knows that something happened between her and her father during her five year stint in amnesia, she just can't quite pin point it. "W-Willow?" Tara calls out.

Willow just ignores her call and exits through the door, closing it behind her.

"Well, that was mightily rude!" Mr Maclay scoffs.

"S-She is j-just worried a-about her f-friend." Tara tries to back up Willow.

There is silence in the room as Mr Maclay sits in the chair next to Tara. "So, what kind of accident did they get you into them?" He finally asks, looking Tara up and down.

"I-I g-got shot, s-sir." Tara responds. "A-And what d-do you m-mean t-t-they?"

"They got you shot!?" Mr Maclay furiously shouts. "And what I mean by _they _is them dastardly group of people you call your friends."

"T-T-They d-didn't do anything. I-It was an a-a-accident." Tara recalls.

"But you're okay now?" Mr Maclay enquires. "When can you come home?"

"I'm – I'm fine, a-and what do you mean h-h-home.?" Tara asks inquisitively.

"I am taking you home with me. I want you safe and away from them people!" Mr Maclay hollers angrily. "You are coming home with me!"

"S-S-Sir, y-you can't decide w-what I am to do," Tara responds strongly. "I-I-I have a life here n-now."

"A life which you can't remember!" Her father shouts red in the face.

"I-I will r-remember, I will!" Tara responds determinedly.

Tara looks at her father who is looking back at her, his eye fierce and his face red. She rubs her eyes with her backs of her hands and slowly manoeuvres herself down in her bed, "I-If you w-wouldn't mind, I-I you like to rest."

"Of course." Her father replies getting to his feet and walks over to the door. Before reaching the door her turns about and addresses Tara. "I'll be back later to discuss this further."

* * *

><p><strong>Buffy's hospital room – Sunnydale hospital<strong>

Willow sits in Buffy's room, the pair talking about the arrival of Tara's long estranged father.

"Let me go for a wonder and let me stumble onto him. I'd be willing to threaten him; he knows how it ended last time." Buffy announces.

"As much as it pains me to say so... I think that I have to leave it in the hands of Tara." Willow retorts.

"She doesn't know what's best for her; she doesn't remember what her father and family did to her... do you?" Buffy angrily testifies.

"Of course I do! This is Tara we're talking about here. She is my whole life. I just think maybe she needs to figure out who she is." Willow states.

"You make her, and you know it. She just needs a push in the right direction."

There is a long pause as Willow decides her next move; eventually she speaks averting the conversation to another area. "Speaking of right direction, have the trio truck anywhere else yet?"

"I don't know. Dawn and Xander have banned me from any media connection with the outside world up until I am better. They want me to focus all my energy on getting better than worrying about the trio."

"I see, and obviously I agree with them. You need to get better, heck; if I can't have my girlfriend fit and well then let it be my best friend." Willow feigns enthusiasm.

"Will, you are my best friend in the whole entire world. I can tell something else is wrong with you other then the presence of Tara's father. What is eating you?" Buffy enquires, looking deep into Willow's eyes.

"I-I..." Willow peers down at her lap. "I think that it may be time to let her go..."

"Will..." Buffy pauses. "Willow..." She pauses again contemplating her words exactly. "Will, are you sure about this?"

"Of course I am not sure about this. I've never loved anyone more in my whole entire life," Tears begin to fall down Willow's cheeks. "And I can't make her remember me... I can't make her fall in love with me. It would have been better if she had died!" Willow's voice begins to raise, tears ever flowing down her cheeks. "At least then I could mourn for her loss, I could remember her and she would be gone! Instead, she still lives but I can't touch or even speak to her without giving her the wiggins. It's worse to have the thing that you love right in front of your face knowing that you can't have them, then knowing that the love of your life is gone and knowing that you can never touch or speak to them again, knowing that they are dead. I'm not sure whether I can handle this anymore." Willow exhales a deep breath of air before looking back at Buffy, her eyes now full of resentment of the things that she had just said, realising what she had just hoped for. Death.

* * *

><p><strong>Tara's hospital room – Sunnydale hospital <strong>

_I sit on my hospital bed, alone and confused. I don't know why I have this strange feeling within the pit of my stomach about my father but I just can't shake it. I attempt to sleep because there is this tiredness within my body that I cannot quell, but I can't seem to sleep. I lay down, staring at the ceiling letting my ears wonder around the hospital to what is going on around me. I thought that things between Willow and I were just starting to get good again, and now that my father had arrived it seems almost a sign that I do not belong here any longer. There is a slight knock on the door and before I have chance to respond to it Willow enters solemnly, closing the door behind her._

"Oh, sorry. Your father said that you were sleeping." She utters apologetically, her eyes red.

"Can't sleep." I simply retort, I notice Willow's eyes and that she has been evidently crying. "A-Are you okay?"

"Wha – Oh – Yeah - I'm okay." Willow replies unconvincingly.

"You – You want to t-tell me about it?" I respond, nursing to Willow's obvious hurt.

Willow approaches the chair next to me and sits down. She makes herself comfortable before looking at me lovingly. "You." She simply utters.

"Me?" I retort confused.

"Yes, You." Willow reaches for my hand and takes it within hers. "You are the best thing to ever happen to me..."

"W-w-wait." I interrupt her, not sure whether I want to listen to this.

"No, No. I need to tell you this. When I first met you I had just come out of a long term relationship with Oz and I never felt that I could ever love anybody so passionately like I did for him. It took me a while, but our spending time together grew me closer to you until eventually I fell in love with you, I was just afraid to admit it. Then it came to the point when Oz turned up again to rekindle our love that it truly hit me and I was able to accept it, I was in head-over-heels in love with you, and it turned out that you were for me."

My hand reluctantly restricts itself around Willow's. I can feel the passion eradiating from her essence and I can say that her words are having some deep impacted effect on me.

"You – You feel it don't you?" Willow enquires. "Deep down inside you, you feel the connection that we share. I understand that you are reluctant to jump in with two feet, but surely you can give me a chance to prove to you why we are meant to be together."

"W-Why did you fall in l-love with m-me?" Is all that I manage to utter, disbelief being a major factor into to the reasoning behind anyone ever falling in love with me.

Willow leans in closer to me, perched on the edge of her chair she stares at me, now both of her hands are clutching my one, "It was like this magnetic connection I felt when we first laid eyes upon one and other in Wicca group. You were so shy and innocent that I wanted to know you more, and I did. When the Gentlemen made way into Sunnydale I wasn't searching for anyone, however; you found me and from there we grew together. You were less shy day-by-day and I was fighting off the emotions that I felt for you, you were smart, sexy and seductive and you are the first woman that I have ever fallen in love with. I was afraid of my feelings for you and I didn't know what I wanted, except that I wanted you. When Oz came into the picture again I knew that this would be the hardest decision of my life, but I believe to this very day that I made the correct one; even if you don't remember any of it, every second we spent together was worth it." Willow looks at me, looking deep within my soul and I can see the emotion she feels for me in her eyes. I can feel something magnetic come between us and before I say or do anything Willow is edging closer to me, her lips pursed. She is centimetres away from me but she stops moving closer so I break the gap and place my lips on hers. I feel the sparks of electricity dancing between our lips. I long for the kiss and hope that like some Hollywood film my memory will come flooding back, but they don't. I close my eyes and some memories flash back, ones that I have already experienced, the encounter with the Gentlemen and the whole ordeal with Oz, that night we shared with each other.

"WHAT IS THIS SICKENING AND REPUGNANT ACT!?" I hear my father shout in a furious rage, clearly disgusted by me and Willow kissing. "GET OUT!" He yells wrathfully.

"But Sir." I try to explain.

"GET OUT YOU FOUL REPUGNANT CRETIN!" He roars ferociously. "I DO NOT WANT TO SEE YOU AROUND MY DAUGHTER EVER AGAIN YOU REPREHENSIBLE, UNHALLOWED HARLOT!"

I can see that Willow is reluctant to leave, I can also see my father's face turning redder and redder as the second's elapse that she is still by my side. I peer at her deep in the eyes, not wanting her to leave or fear having to lose her forever if she walks out of the door. She picks up my hand and places it to her lips, placing a soft kiss on it. I grab her hand with my hand, not wanting to let her go but she wriggles out of my grasp and exits through the door, not looking back.

* * *

><p><strong>Well... that escalated quickly. I'm sorry to put you guys through this but I am still trying to figure out where to take this story. <strong>  
><strong>If you like this story so far don't forget to alert this story so you never miss a chapter (when I can be bothered to update)! <strong>

**What did you guys think about the introduction of Tara's father into it and him walking in on them? **


	10. Message from a ghost

**Tara's hospital room – Sunnydale Hospital **

"I hate you!" Tara screams angrily at her father. "You have no right!"

"NO, YOU HAVE NO RIGHT!" Mr Maclay yells back. "I knew I should not have left you with those people, being a disgusting and impure influence on you!"

"I-I was the influence," Tara speaks quietly.

"What was that, Tara? If you want to speak to me then speak up!" Mr Maclay spits.

"I was the influence." Tara retorts in spite, her stutter completely dissolved in the anger.

"How so?" He asks intrigued.

"I..." Tara pauses and takes a gulp, her mouth suddenly dry. "I'm a lesbian."

Mr Maclay stares at his daughter, shell-shocked. His face is still red and his eyes still hold a fury within them. He speaks, this time in a softer tone, his voice almost horse, "Your mother..." he coughs to clear his throat. "Your mother would be so disappointed in you." He simply states.

There is a working silence, cogs meshing in both Tara and her father's minds, "She knew." Tara finally replies.

"How?" Her father retorts, this time the anger in his voice is back.

"She was my mom, she knew." Tara states her eye gazing into the past.

* * *

><p><em>I sit alone in my bedroom doing homework. Sat on my bed with my legs crossed and working off my lap, maths – great! Only a couple more months to go before I finally graduate and then I can finally get out of this place and go to college. Sure, I love my mum and it is going to be hard leaving her, but it is about time I try to make something out of my life before the monster inside consumes me.<em>

_There is quiet tapping on the door._

_"Come in." I holler, expecting my nuisance of a father want something done with the snap of his fingers, either that or my pain in the ass brother, wanting to get on my very last nerve._

_To my surprise it is my mother who enters my room. She has been bed ridden for days due to a severe migraine but my father explains it as her inner demon causing her havoc, I disagree._

_"Hello, Tara." My mother utters weakly._

_"Mom?" I sceptically retort. "Come sit down."_

_My mom slowly wades over to my bed at perches herself at the end. She sways dazed a little before the steadies herself._

_"Mom, are you okay?" Is all that I can manage to articulate._

_"Honestly, Tara. I'm not sure." She looks at me and feigns half an extinguished smile._

_I scoot a little closer to her and she takes my hand in hers, bringing it up to her lips she places a small kiss on it, she is much smaller then I remember, frail and cold._

_"Tara, I need to ask you something and I need an honest answer." She addresses me, looking me deep in the eyes._

_"Sure, mom. Anything." I reply honestly._

_"I've noticed things as your mother. You don't get out much and socialise," She pauses, contemplating the best thing to say next. "I have also noticed that you don't have many male friends..." She trails off, still not certain to what to say._

_"Where is this going?" I ask, knowing well and truly where this conversation is going... GULP_

_"I've seen your friend, the tall girl with the long brown hair come around here a few time – as much dismay to your father – I invited her into our home, because I know how much it means to have friends as a teenager. Although, she's not just your friend though, is she..? I mean, I have seen the way look at her. My question Tara is..." She trails off again, her eyes deep in thought of how to get the question across correctly._

_"Yes." I simply reply before she asks. "I like girls."_

_My mom looks at me for a second, not really able to read her facial expression, but then she smiles at me, "Don't let anybody tell you that you can't be who you want to be; even if it turns out to be your father one day." She smiles again. "I will always be proud of you," She states, leaning in to me and kissing me on the forehead. "Remember that."_

* * *

><p><strong>Tara's hospital room – Sunnydale Hospital<strong>

"She confronted me about it," Tara tells her father honestly. "Right before she was diagnosed, she came to my room to ask me about it."

"And she was disappointed and disgusted with you?" He asks spitefully.

"No." Tara simply retorts. "She supported me up until the day she died." Tara smiles, recollecting the conversations she shared with her mother, glad that she didn't have to hide who was anymore.

"Why did you not tell me?" The anger in his eye apparent again.

"Because I knew that you would lock me in my room indefinitely, cursing me that the devil was inside of me." Tara utters angrily. "I'm what, twenty two now? Where is that demon you insisted would consume me? I see no demon in me!"

"I guess that you were lucky then." Mr Maclay states matter of factly.

"I really need to sleep now, I am exhausted." Tara yawns, her eyes getting heavier by the second.

"I will outside if you need anything." He replies exiting through the door, shutting it behind him.

"_Willow, where are you?" _Tara speaks softly as though speaking to the heavens.

Tara slides down into her bead and puts the covers to up under her chin, her eyes are getting heavier and heavier until eventually she circum to sleeps.

* * *

><p><em>"Tara, look at me." Willow says determinedly addressing me.<br>__I peer up reluctantly, Willow staring into my soul._

_"I trusted you more than anyone in my life," She states. I can see the tears threatening to spill over in her eyes, "Was all that just a lie?"_

_I look at her there is no need to contemplate the answer; I answer it from deep within my heart, "No."_

_"Do you wanna' leave?" She enquires the sadness eminent on her face._

_"It's not your decision, young lady." My father calls out._

_"I know that!" Willow snaps back at him before looking back at me, "Do you wanna' leave?" She asks again, trying her hardest to fight the tears._

_I look back at her and shake my rapidly, tears spilling down my cheeks at the thought of losing her._

_"You are going to do what is right, Tara," My father demands. "Now I'm taking you out of here before somebody does get killed! The girl belongs with her family. I hope that's clear to the rest of you."_

_I look at willow and she looks back, I can feel her holding me back with her eyes._

_"It is," Buffy states. "You want her Mr Maclay? You can go ahead and take her..."_

_I knew that that spell would make them hate me even more... I am ready to leave._

_"You just gotta' go through me." She continues._

_"What!?" My father utters in disbelief._

_"You heard me." Buffy retorts._

_I can't believe what my ears are telling me, they like me, they really do like me._

_"You wanna' take Tara out of here against her will, you gotta' come through me..."_

_"And me!" Dawn pipes up._

_I look at my two friends standing up for me, and I feel accepted._

_"Is this a joke?" My father asks. "I'm not gonna' be threatened by two little girls."_

_"You don't wanna' mess with us." Dawn announces._

_"She's a hair puller." Buffy backs her up._

_"And, you're not just dealing with two little girls." Giles stands forward._

_"You're dealing with all of us." Xander protests_

_"This is insane. You people have no right to interfere with Tara's affairs, we are her blood kin!" My father states looking at me, "Who the hell are you!"_

_"We're family." Buffy retorts back proudly._

_I can't believe it, I look at Willow and she gives me a smile, she and I are both eminently happy that I get to stay, and the fact I have been accepted into the group._

_"Dad?! You just gonna' let em' just...?" Donnie asks walking over to me, "Tara, if you don't get in that car, I swear to God I will beat you down."_

_"And I swear by your full and manly beard, you're gonna' break something trying!" Xander concludes._

_"Well. I hope you'll all be happy hanging out with a disgusting demon," Beth intervenes._

_"Excuse me, what kind of demon is she?" Anya asks ._

_"What?" Beth retorts bewildered slightly_

_"What kind of demon is she? There's a lot of different kinds," Anya continues. "Some are very very evil and some have been considered to be useful members of society."_

_"Well... I ... What does it matter?" Beth stammers._

_"Evil is Evil." My father announces._

_"Well let's just narrow it down."_

_"Ah..." I hear Spike thinking out loud, "Why don't I make this simple?" He announces._

_He walks over to me, pokes me on the shoulder and as I turn to look at him –Whack- A punch in the nose._

_"Hey!" willow shouts at Spike angrily... "Hey..." Willow catches on._

_"He hit my nose." I announce, holding my now throbbing nose._

_"And it hurt, him – I mean.!" Willow looks at me and smiles._

_"And that only works on humans." Buffy announces to my father._

_"There's no demon in there," Spike concludes. "It's just a family legend, am I right? Just a bit of spin to keep the ladies in line?"_

_"I'm not a demon." I announce to Willow._

_"You're not a demon." Willow confirms..._

_"He hit my nose." I state to her._

_"Oh..." Willow empathetically moans._

_I can't stop looking at Willow recognising the person I nearly lost._

_"Yeah? You're welcome." Spike announces._

_"Mr Maclay. I would say your business here is finished." Giles announces._

_"Tara, for 18 years your family has taken care of you and supported you. If you wanna' turn your back..."_

_"Dad," I utter softly, "Just go..."_

_He turns and heads towards the door, "Magic!" He spits in disgust._

_Beth turns to me, "Are you happy now?" And I can't seem to from a response to this, I just smile. For once in a very long time I have a home, with a loving family._

* * *

><p><strong>Buffy's hospital room – Sunnydale Hospital <strong>

"Have I mentioned how much I can break his face?" Buffy says grinding her knuckles.

"Once or twice." Willow chuckles back.

"Tara's old enough to fend for herself, why has her father decided to show up after all this time, just out of the blue," Buffy enquires. "Have I mentioned I can break his face?"

"Think about it, he gets a second chance of controlling his daughter," Willow states. "He has obviously been contacted by the hospital, and has heard that she is suffering from some short term memory loss, what a great way to try to patch up their shattered relationship when she can't even remember what he did. He's not stupid; I have to give him that." Willow retorts angrily.

"Yes, but he is stupid if he believes that we won't fight tooth and nail to keep her like we did last time." Buffy replies.

"He won't let me anywhere near her room. He's sitting outside her room like a guard dog." Willow states.

"Well then, we need to figure out a way to get the guard dog away from his post, and I know how." Buffy cunningly brews a plan.

* * *

><p><strong>Just a short chapter. I really enjoyed working on this chapter and introducing the character of Tara's mum.<br>I hope to give you another chapter shortly as I made my way slowly but surely towards the finale. _Enjoy_**


	11. Family

**I am urged to write a short warning on this chapter:**  
><strong>This chapter contains some sexual content, although nothing worthy of an M rating...<strong>  
><strong>You have a warned...<strong>

* * *

><p><em>Thirty Minutes Later...<em>

**Sunnydale Hospital – Corridor**

Buffy and Willow walk down the corridor going over the plan once more.

"Are you sure about this?" Willow asks apprehensively.

"I'm as sure about this as I am about yours and Tara's love." Buffy exclaims.

"Thank you." Willow thanks Buffy.

Due to the nature of Buffy's injuries a constant drip is being administered into her body, however; she is accompanied by an IV pole with saline stand, perfect and portable.

"Wish me luck." Buffy announces anxiously.

"Luck." Willow replies nervously.

Buffy make a slow saunter down the corridor. ON the left is Tara's room and beyond that, seated next to the door is Mr Maclay, sat beady eyed watching everyone moves. As Buffy proceeds down the corridor she keeps her head low and drags the IV with her. When she is about to pass Mr Maclay she takes a deep breath, and then as she is just about to pass him, she falls over. Immediately Mr Maclay gets to his feet and rushes to get help, and as he is preoccupied with Buffy Willow sneaks into Tara's room.

* * *

><p>The room is very calm and quiet as Willow enters and Tara sleeping majestically, admiring the consistent rise and fall of her chest. Before making her way over to Tara's bedside Willow peeks out into the corridor to see Mr Maclay hovering over Buffy still crumpled on the floor, two nurses – one with a wheelchair – accompanies him. After getting a bit of closure that Mr Maclay is currently preoccupied Willow wanders over to Tara's bedside and sits down in the chair, making sure she is out of view from the door. Once sat in the chair she draws her knees up to her chest and just continues to watch Tara sleeping.<p>

Twenty minutes elapse of Willow just watching. She can see that Tara is smiling in her sleep and this makes Willow smile too, knowing that even whilst dreaming Tara can be happy. Willow peers down at her watch, it is nearly two o' clock in the afternoon, meaning that nurse Carol would be back to check on Tara and give her some of that disgusting, putrid hospital food. _'No doubt father dearest will come in to check on her at that point too." _Willow thinks to herself. _"Maybe I should leave a note or something in her diary, explain that it is nearly impossible to see her with her father around." _Willow peers up to look at Tara, and Tara is awake, smiling at her.

"Hey," Willow whispers quietly, grasping Tara's hand in her own.

"Hey," Tara replies quietly. "You're back."

"I am." Willow beams a smile at Tara. "But I can't stay long. Your father is outside; I snuck in to see you."

Tara looks at Willow, awestruck. "I'm glad you came to see me."

"Me too." Willow replies, her smile meeting her eyes, suddenly; her smile fades and eventually vanishes.

"What's wrong, Willow?" Tara asks bewildered.

"I'm sorry, but I have to do this; I have no choice." Willow stops and takes a breath in.

"What is it?" Tara asks now frightened and afraid.

"I'm giving you an ultimatum, and I'm sorry I have to do this, I really am." Willow states. "You can come live with me, and I will make sure you get better and your memories come back to you, or; you can go back with your father..." Willow sighs. "..And forget everything that has happened over the past two years."

Willow look at Tara who is deep in thought, "My father..." Tara announces.

Willow slowly loosens her grasp on Tara's hand and eventually pulls her hand away. She drops her head to her chest, trying her hardest not to cry.

"My father is a shallow and vindictive man. I-I would never choose him over y-you."

Willow slowly looks up to peer at Tara in disbelief. Tears of heartbreak had already began to fall, however; when Willow see's Tara smiling it makes her smile in return; tears of elation now falling.

"Okay?" Tara asks.

"Oh yes." Willow articulates with a smile, getting to her feet and hugging Tara.

Tara winces and groans in pain as Willow unwillingly lets her emotions get the better of her and exerts a lot of pressure with her reticulated hug.

"I'm so sorry!" Willow apologetically replies as she quickly releases her hug and sits back from Tara.

Tara looks at Willow, her eyebrows furrowed together, "I did just get shot, or don't you remember..." Tara trails of. "No wait, that's my bad." She continues with a smile.

Willow grabs hold of Tara hand again, "You are amazing, do you know that?"

"Thank you." Tara replies. "You are too, nobody could watch the person they l-loved not remember them and stick around."

Willow picks up Tara's hand and places it to her lips, tossing a smile in her direction too. "Your shirt..." Willow natters bemused. "You're bleeding!" Willow gets out of the chair and frantically searches the room for something to stop the bleeding.

"Willow." Tara calls out, Willow ignores her; ignorant in her own upheaval. "Willow!" Tara repeats, this time her voice is louder and more domineering.

Willow stops and turns to Tara, "Willow, calm down. The sutures are in the trolley near the bathroom, second drawer down." Tara explains calmly.

Willow hurries over to the drawers and takes out a couple of packages sutures, once she has the sutures she walks back over to Tara, sutures in her hand. As she gets closer to the bed she takes them out of the packets, her hands shaking rapidly.

Tara grabs hold of Willows hand and looks her in the eyes. "Calm down. Accident happen, it doesn't even look that bad." Tara explains trying to comfort Willow.

Willow peers anxiously as the sutures in her hand then the blood stain on Tara's shirt before taking a deep breath before releasing it slowly.

Tara begins to unbutton her shirt so that the middle of her chest is showing. Willow gawks at the huge bandage running up the centre of Tara's chest and gulps. She is about to pass Tara the sutures so that she can apply the pressure, instead; Tara shyly guides Willow's hand holding the suture to her chest. The feeling of Willow touching her so intimately sends shivers down Tara's spine.

Willow can feel the emotions running through Tara as her heart beats faster and faster under hand. "Willow leans into Tara, centimetres from her face, "Tell me you don't want this." Willow asks gasping.

"I want this." Tara replies locking lips with Willow, her whole body screaming for her.

Willow kisses her gently, careful not to take things too far and innocently takes her hand away from Tara's chest, trying to resist the temptations. Tara, however; has other ideas and slowly brings her own hand up to cup Willow's breast outside of her top. This is action it causes Willow to reluctantly push her tongue through her mouth into Tara's mouth, Tara greets it with her own, quietly moaning erotically into the kiss. Tara tries to find one of Willow's hands and upon locating it she slowly tries to bring it up to her own breast, craving the need for further human interaction.

"I can't." Willow announces as she stops kissing Tara, pulling her hand out of Tara's. I can't, because when you go I'll be left with amnesia Tara, I can't have something in my grasp only for it to be snatched away. I can't go through that."

"Willow." Tara states, "I am amnesia Tara."

Willow stares at Tara, Tara staring back and her eyes full of passion, however; when Willow looks deep enough she can see that reflecting back was not her Tara and indeed was amnesia Tara.

Tara leans in to Willow and they lean foreheads together, "I may not know or remember everything that has happened between us, but I know that there is something undeniably strong pulling me to you, and who am I to deny that connection." Tara places a delicate kiss upon Willow's forehead and moves her way down to her lips again.

This time Willow kisses back, full throttle; holding nothing back, "I've missed you." She states before captivating Tara's tongue with her own.

As they wrestle with their tongues Tara cups Willow's breast again, and like before she gently grabs a hold of Willow's hand and guides it towards her own breast beneath her open shirt. This time there is no reluctance on Willow's behalf. As Willow's hand meets with Tara's breast shivers are send down Tara's spine, her vision going blurry and her world spins around her and that is when everything goes black...

* * *

><p><em>So, today is my 18th birthday,and I leave you witha chapter... Enjoy...<em>


	12. A turn of events

...

I am talking to Anya when Willow comes up to me. She is amazing and has put together this whole birthday party at the Bronze, "My dance?" she takes my hand. I get up and follow her to he dance floor. As we get to the dance-floor other couples are dancing together, Willow places her hands on my hips and I place my hands on her shoulders and we sway together to the music.

"Good birthday?" She asks me.

"Best birthday!" I reply.

"I still can't believe you didn't tell me about your family and all that." She utters.

"I was just afraid if you saw the kind of people I came from, you wouldn't wanna be anywhere near me," I reply truthfully.

"See, that's where you're a dummy," she retorts staring at me innocently. "I think about what you grew up with and I look at what you are. It makes me proud. It makes me love you more," She continues, honesty held within her eyes.

"Every time I... Even when I'm at my worst, you always make me feel special," I look at Willow, our eyes connecting as our smiles beam. "How do you do that?" I ask innocently. Falling deeper in love with the woman standing before me.

"Magic..." She states mystically.

I feel so much love and passion for this woman, I want to be closer to her. I lean my head on her shoulder, listening to my Willow breathe beneath my ear, it feels like I am floating. I want to spend the rest of my life with this woman, I want to spend the rest of my life in Willow's arms, floating on air.

* * *

><p><strong><em>Sunnydale Hospital - Tara's room.<em>**

_Willow POV_

One minute I'm rushing around looking for gauze, the next I am in front of Tara, gawking at the bandage covering her chest. I gulp helplessly. I continue to stare at the bandage as I go to hand Tara the gauze, however; to my surprise Tara cautiously takes a hold of my hand and guides it to where the current large bandage is oozing blood. As my hand reaches Tara's chest I look into her eyes and I can see she is moved by this connection, her heartbeat pacing faster and faster under my hand.

I helplessly lean into Tara, just inches away from her; her warm, heavy breath panting on my face, "Tell me you don't want this..." I ask, the force pulling us together is undeniable.

"I want this." Tara replies to my surprise, leaning the few inches separating us; placing her lips on mine.

I kiss her gently, not wanting to cause anymore harm to her, and also; restricting my emotions with her, keeping my distance. I slowly and reluctantly remove my hand from her chest, I don't want to take things too fast and it resists certain urges growing deep within me. I am happily and innocently just kissing Tara when Tara changes the game play and places one of her hands upon my breast, cupping it gently. I am now slightly uncomfortable and way out of my comfort zone here. Sure, she is the love of my life - or part of her is somewhere hidden away temporarily.

Tara grabs my hand, this time moving it slowly to her chest, her own succulent breast...

What if my Tara has resurfaced searching for a brief glimpse of bliss, only to go again and leave behind in her place a frightened Tara, thinking that I am sexually assaulting her.

"I can't..." I announce, breaking every physical connection between the two of us. I can see that Tara is confused, and a lust roars in her eyes, "I can't because what happens when you leave and I'm left with a frightened amnesia stricken Tara who thinks that I am molesting her!" I look over at Tara who's eyebrows have furrowed together, "And also, I can't have something wonderful in my grasp for it to be suddenly snatched away, I can't go through that..."

"Willow..." She states looking directly at me, "I am amnesia Tara."

I stare at her through disbelieving eyes, her eyes staring back into mine, and I can see it. Somewhere reflecting back is innocence she lost as she grew older, this was not my Tara, however; a younger amnesia stricken Tara looks at me lustfully.

She leans in and I met her with my forehead, "I may not know or remember everything that has happened between us, but I know that there is something undeniably strong pulling me to you, and who am I to deny that connection." She tells me heartwarmingly. She places a small peck on my forehead before placing a stronger and more vibrant one on my lips.

This time I kiss her back, I'm not sure whether it is because of the thing she just said or the fact that I need to touch her body, but I don't hold back, "I've miss you," I shudder in almost a whisper before asking entry into Tara's mouth with my tongue.

She has my tongue in a chokehold as we wrestle; and as we do this Tara brings her hand up to my breast again, cupping and caressing it gently through my shirt. Similarly to last time she then grabs my hand with her spare one and guides it gently beneath her open shirt and I - with no reluctance this time - take her breast in hand, fondling it softly. I can feel her heart race beneath my hand at the connection of our bodies so... Intimately...

* * *

><p>"Tara!?" Willow shouts frantically as Tara's body viciously convulses involuntarily. "Tara, Baby?" Willow beings to panic, "What do I do? What do I do?" She screams almost crying.<p>

Next to Tara's bed, Willow notices a big red cord and begins pulling it repeatedly four or five times.

In a sudden sense of surrealism Willow takes a step back from Tara's convulsing body and just stares, her eyes glassy and inanimate. Not a second later does Carol and two other nurses enter, followed swiftly by '_Dear Old Dad'._

"YOU!" He spits furiously in distaste. He looks at Tara's who is still convulsing rapidly on the bed, her shirt open, "What are _you _doing here, and what on earth have you done to her!" He roars.

Willow just stands there inanimate staring at Tara, her eyes looking off into the distance, her expression vacant and her arms folded self-consciously to her chest.

"What's happening?" Mr Maclay asks Carol, understanding angrily that he was getting no response from Willow. "Why aren't you doing anything?"

"Mr Maclay. I understand that this is distressing to watch, however; so long as Tara continues to convulse and she is safe, there is nothing more that we can do for her except keeping her as comfortable as possible under these circumstances." Carol calmly states.

"What is happening to her?" Mr Maclay repeats his earlier question, this time being more specific.

"Tara is experiencing a seizure, this is due to abnormalities within the neurons receptors within her brain..." Carol diagnoses.

"Abnormalities like what?" Mr Maclay asks baffled.

"Possible brain damage from excess blood loss; sudden rise in temperature; epilepsy brought on by head trauma or tumor..."

"A tumor - as in - Brain tumor?" Mr Maclay mumbles, his face sunken and draining of colour. "My wife - Her mother, she had a brain tumor - inoperable. S-she died only a few month after she was diagnosed."

"I am going to contact Dr. Bellesome, he is the lead physician in charge of Tara's treatment and recovery." Carol states, nodding to another nurse.

The nurse exits the room and Carol walks over to Willow, "Willow?" Carol asks softly, "Willow?" She asks again, this time more forcefully.

"What?" Willow asks hazily, as though just awoken from sleep.

"Willow, how long has Tara been like this?" Carol asks Willow tenderly.

"Well, we were just - talking, a-and she just started shaking." Willow states.

"That's great, Willow. But how long had she been convulsing before you called for help?" Carol asks again, keeping her voice calm and collected.

"T-ten, twenty seconds." Willow replies looking past Carol and on to Tara's convulsing form. Silent tears begin to fall from Willow's eyes; on the inside imploding.

A couple of minutes pass and Tara is still convulsing, that is when Dr. Bellesome enters.

"Tara Maclay, Twenty-Two, admitted to my care after sustaining a GSW to the chest via a stray bullet five days ago. At the time of the accident she sustained a class 3 hemorrhage with an estimate of 35% overall blood loss. Records show steady healing and sustaining some remembrance of memory, however; I submitted her for an X-ray and MRI but the results came back negative, and unfortunately another more urgent case need my attention. Please call up to radiography and book Tara back in for another X-ray and MRI as soon as possible." Dr. Bellesome states off the top of his head and recapping aloud.

Carol exits the room hastily and Dr. Bellesome turns to Willow, "Miss. Rosenberg, what happened here?" He asks.

"W-We were taking, a-and she just..."

"You were forbidden to come near her!" Mr Maclay exclaims irately.

"Excuse me, but who are you?" Dr. Bellesome asks, turning to face Mr Maclay.

"I am her father!" Mr Maclay states boldly.

"Well then, '_Mr Maclay'_. Miss Rosenberg here has been here, by your daughter Tara's side from the moment she was admitted to my care. I can see the care and emotions that she shares for this girl, even in her current predicament. Who are you to walk in out of the blue and demand whom and whom not your daughter can or can't see? Where have you been all this time?" Dr. Bellesome bravely states matter of factly.

"This is none of your concern!" Mr Maclay bluntly states.

"This is where you are wrong," Dr. Bellesome snaps back. "When the concern is the well-being of my patient it is!"

"This is ridiculous!" Mr Maclay shouts furiously.

"I agree," Dr. Belleseome states. "This turn of events could be related to stress. If you have appeared out of the blue barking orders at your daughter left right and center - including the banishment of her harmless girlfriend - then I would be traumatised too."

"She doesn't remember!" Mr Maclay states obnoxiously.

"Please leave." Dr. Bellesome orders.

"What?!" Mr Maclay returns in disbelief.

"Please leave this room or I will have you escorted - and eventually barred - from these premises."

Mr Maclay is about to reply when he sees the fidelity in Dr. Bellesome's eyes and leaves the room in a huff.

"Thank you." Willow states blankly.

Not a fan?" Dr. Bellesome chuckles. "I can see why."

There is a lack of conversation in the room, the only sound is the bed creaking under Tara's still convulsing body. "Is this normal?" Willow asks staring worryingly at Tara.

"You shouldn't have to see this," Dr. Bellesome insists. "Let's go grab a coffee? I'll keep a nurse on Tara at all times."

"No!" Willow snaps. "I'm sorry, I just can't leave her like this."

"I understand, and we will try to get to the bottom of all this as soon as possible." Dr. Bellesome replies comfortingly.

In that instant everything goes quiet and Tara stops convulsing.

"Nurse, I would like some fluids pumped into her right away." Dr. Bellesome demands.

"Tara?" Willow enquires, quickly approaching Tara's bedside.

"The seizure has worn her out, she could be out for a couple of hours, and when she does wake up she will be a little confused and disoriented, that is normal."

"What now then?" Willow asks though still focusing every essence of her being on Tara.

"We push fluids in to try to re-hydrate her and when she is stable we will take her up to radiography," Dr. Bellesome reasures. "I promise you, we will get to the bottom of this."

* * *

><p><strong>Just another short chapter, I hope you enjoyed it.<strong>

**I have a question for you: Would you rather...  
>1) Have me write shorter chapters between 1000-3000 words, but having me update once a week...<br>_or_  
>2) Updatewrite longer chapters between 3000-5000 words, the only thing being of updating every couple of weeks?  
><strong>**I would really appreciate some fan/follower feedback. :) (I may also get slightly bored with with alternative) **


	13. A walk to remember

_**Sunnydale Hospital - Tara's hospital room  
><strong>_  
>Thirty minutes slowly pass by as Willow waits patiently beside Tara's bedside, waiting for her to wake up.<p>

Dr Bellsome enters the room, "We are going to be taking Tara up to radiology shortly."

"Can I go with her?" Willow asks her expression void of emotion, drained from the whole shooting/amnesia ordeal, topped off with the seizure.

"I'm sorry, but you can't," Dr Bellsome replies remorsefully.

"But..." Willow trails off stroking Tara's hand softly.

"I'm sorry Miss Rosenberg." Dr Bellsome states again.

Willow sits in silence, continuing to stroke Tara's hand when Dr Bellsome exits the room, over-welcoming his stay.

Willow is left alone with Tara again, she stares across to Tara and continues to stroke her hand softly, "I'll be here when you wake up, baby. I promise you." Willow states, a lone tear falling from her eye and down her cheek, meeting her lip with a tantalising sting, proving that she can feel something more than just numbness. "Baby, do you remember the first movie night we had? The time I found out I knew I loved you more than just a friend..."

* * *

><p>Willow sits alone in her dorm room, waiting for the arrival of her newly found friend, Tara. Willow had met Tara a week ago after 'The Gentlemen' had attacked them. Feeling a strong connection to the person who had helped save her life, Willow felt like having a secret, magical friend whom she could keep secret from her other friends.<p>

Willow has this strange feeling in her stomach as it performs Olympic standard somersaults - unwillingly; she has not felt this way for another girl before. Her mind runs over different scenarios, all leading to different outcomes, majority of which had never seemed to cross her mind before meeting Tara.

_KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK_

Willow jumps to her feet, startled by the expected knock at her door. She tries to contain her composure as much as she can; as she heads to the door she takes a deep breath before releasing slowly. She opens the door.

"Hey."Willow tweets in a high pitched voice.

"Hey." Tara nervously replies, "I-I got t-this for u-u-us." She states holding up a bad of kettle corn.

"Oh, that great!" Willow expresses enthusiastically, stepping aside to let Tara in. "Come in."

Tara haphazardly enters the room, closing the door behind her she stands in the doorway nervously.

"Come make yourself at home." Willow requests patting her bed, "I'll grab a bowl for the corn."

"N-No roommate tonight?" Tara asks shyly peering over to the spare bed opposite to the one she is sat.

"No, she is spending the night at her boyfriends." Willow announces, "Don't worry, we are safe."

"S-Safe?" Tara gulps, her imagination getting the better of her.

"To watch a film and eat kettle corn in peace." Willow laughs.

Willow saunters over to the kitchen area and grabs a large bowl out from the cupboard, followed by two glasses. "Coke?" She asks Tara, looking over with her head tilted to the side like a puppy dog.

"S-Sure." Tara stammers, "I-I-I mean, y-y-yes please." She asserts, this time embarrassed by her own stammer and so looks down into her lap.

Willow just ignores Tara's sweet, nervous stammer and carries on as if it didn't happen – hoping that Tara will adjust around her and not care about her stammer. "Two cokes coming up!"

Willow first brings the big bowl over to Tara, who empties the kettle corn into it; she then fetches the two cokes. "So, have you had a good day?" Willow enquires, breaking the comfortable silence.

"Y-Yes, y-you?" Tara states with a half cunning smile.

"Not too bad, a little slow waiting for tonight to come around." Willow says.

Tara looks up and smiles at Willow again as she gets handed one of the cokes. Inside, Willow can feel her butterflies stir as her stomach continues to form somersaults, smiling innocently back.

"What film do you want to watch?" Willow enquires, breaking the connection between them.

"W-Whatever y-you want." Tara replies with a fruitful smile.

"Have you seen 'A Walk to Remember?"

"N-No." Tara replies as Willow grabs the VHS from the collection.

"It's about a popular boy who slowly falls in love with an unpopular girl who turns out has an aggressive form of Leukaemia." Willow recalls. "An emotional rollercoaster."

"S-Sure, s-sounds good." Tara replies, something hidden in her eyes.

"Where do you want to sit? On the bed or on the floor, I'll make it all comfy."

"W-Wherever." Tara states, "I-I'm easy."

At this, Willow gets a shiver up her spine and pulls her covers and pillows from her bed down onto the floor, arranging a comfortable seat for two. "I'll put the film in." She states as she makes her way over to the TV, placing the film in the video slot.

Willow encourages some small talk between herself and Tara whilst the adverts of the films 'coming soon' run through.

"So, have you done any spells lately?" Willow asks intrigued, her body facing Tara.

"N-No..." Tara replies shyly. "Have you?"

"A few, just a few charms here and there, no biggie."

"Y-You enjoy d-doing m-m-m-magic?" Tara enquires her eyes wide in expression.

"I love it! You know, that feeling of power, even the smallest bit, it just make me feel... You know – Special." Willow replies confidently.

"Y-Y-You are..." Tara states blushing under her own words. "Special."

Willow tries to hide the flash of colour creeping upon her cheeks, however; she cannot hide the smile slowly being etched on her face at the recollection of Tara's words, strangely moved emotively by the blondes words. She is about to reply with something sweet in return to show Tara her appreciation, however; she stops and is startled by the fact that the movie had already started.

"Oh, it started." Willow states furrowing her eyebrows together. "You mind if I rewind it?"

"N-No." Tara states, smiling sweetly at Willow.

Willow leans forward and reaches for the TV, pressing the rewind button till the start of the movie.

"You ready... again.?" Willow asks with a half congealed smile.

"Y-Yes." Tara asserts, returning the smile to Willow.

Willow presses play and the two girls watch the entire film in silence, engrossed by every scene. By the end of the film both Willow and Tara are in floods of tears – Tara more so then Willow. As the end credits crawl up the screen Willow takes Tara's hand within her own, giving it a comforting squeeze.

"Are you okay?" Willow asks; the inner corners of Willow's eyebrow raised in sorrow.

Tara looks up at Willow, her eyes full of emotion, but something more then just the effect of the film filled them. She lets her head fall to her chest, nodding it unconvincingly before shaking it slowly, letting out a silent sob.

"Shh-Shh, I'm here." Willow whispers, coaxing Tara into her arms for a hug where she unintentionally crumples into a babbling mess.

Tara is held enveloped in Willow's comforting and warm arms for five minutes as a range of emotions flood over her.

Willow holds Tara longingly, as though nothing else matters in the world except for the woman in her arms. At this very moment – as the newly befriended blonde cries in her arms – Willow gets a strange and surreal feeling in the pit of her stomach – "_I'm in love with this girl..."_

Tara pulls out of Willow's embrace and tilts her head, shrugging one shoulder coyly.

"You wanna' talk about it?" Willow enquires her eyes full of questions. "You don't have to if you don't want to though."

Tara nods her head slowly, peering up and looking at Willow, "M-My m-mom. She had c-c-cancer." Tara pauses taking a deep breath in. Willow grabs hold of Tara's hand in her own, holding it comfortingly. "S-She died when I-I was s-seventeen."

Willow looks at Tara strongly, her eyebrows knitted together. "I-I... I'm not even sure what to say. I mean, I'm so sorry."

"I-It's fine. I-I-It still h-hurts, but i-it's f-fine." Tara replies shrugging.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't know... I mean, of course I didn't know – I'm sorry. Why was I so stupid, why did I choose a sad film? We could have watched practical magic or a funny film, but no; being a dufus I had to choose a sad film about a very close and person topic for you. God, I'm so stupid!"

Tara interrupts Willow by placing a calming index finger over Willow's lips. "W-Willow, Shhh." She states smiling at the babbling girl in front of her, "Y-You d-don't have to be s-s-sorry."

"But... I didn't know and it hurt you, and I'm..." Willow states, cut off by Tara's lips upon her own.

Tara pulls back quickly, realising too late what she had done. "I'm – I'm s-sorry." Tara babbles over and over as she scrambles to her feet as fast as she could, however; her hand is quickly clasped by Willow's.

"Don't." Willow limply utters, knocked back slightly. "Don't go."

Tara stops and stares down at Willow – her puppy dog eyes glaring up.

Willow gets to her feet, her head tilted to the side in confusion and her hands fixed together anxiously, "Please – Don't go..."

Tara stands on the spot contemplating Willow's words and the truth hidden behind them. Willow turns around slowly making her way to her bed before sitting on it, her back against the headboard sitting up, her legs crossed. "Let's talk."

Tara hesitantly walks over to Willow's bed, perching herself at the far end of the bed and as far away from Willow as possible, "I'm s-sorry." Tara looks down at her lap shamefully.

"Don't be." Willow replies with a smile, gaining a responsive look from Tara, "So... tell me about you. Who is Tara?"

* * *

><p><em><strong>Sunnydale Hospital - Tara's hospital room<strong>_

Dr Bellsome enters the room with two men wearing dark purple scrubs – _porters. _"We are ready to take Tara up to radiology now."

Willow peers up at Dr Bellsome, struck by a moment of anguish at the realisation that Tara could be very ill. "How long is she going to be?"

"I can't say for sure, but anywhere between thirty minutes and an hour."

"Okay." Willow asserts, "Tara, baby. I'll be here when you get back." Willow places a lingering kiss on Tara's forehead. "I'll miss you."

The two porters in dark purple scrubs stand either side of Tara's bed, releasing the wheel locks before wheeling the bed towards the door. Willow looks onto Tara helplessly, knowing that she cannot do anything to help, however; she continues to follow Tara and the porters out into the corridor. Outside, Willow notices Mr Maclay sat down in one of the chairs situated next to the door and as the porters start to transport Tara down the corridor he stands. "Where are you taking her?" He shouts after the porters.

"Radiology." Willow simply declares.

Mr Maclay looks at Willow, his eyebrows frowning angrily, "Go on, go with her then!" He states aggressively.

"I can't." Willow replies. "They won't let me."

There is a silence that fills the corridor, Mr Maclay sits down into his chair and releases and annoyed sigh. "We need to talk." He utters. "Sit down – Please."

Willow contemplates to herself silently before taking a seat, two away from Mr Maclay.

"Do you love my daughter?" Mr Maclay asks, not looking directly at Willow.

"What?" Willow asks shell-shocked by his blunt and forthright approach.

"I said – Do you love my daughter?" He repeats his voice angry and agitated.

"I-I... Yes." Willow retorts. "I love Tara more than anyone in my entire life."

Mr Maclay groans to himself in spite, "Alight, then this is how it is going to work. You – You are going to back off my daughter ..."

"But..." Willow interrupts.

"Let me finish!" Mr Maclay snaps angrily. "You are going to back off my daughter until she is well enough to choose who she wants to be with."

"Thank you, Sir." Willow says, looking at him for the briefest second to find that he is not at all happy with the decision he is making.

"But – There is a huge but. If she chooses to come home with me then I do not want you to make any contact with her – ever." Mr Maclay declares. "Do I make myself clear? Out of her life forever."

Willow gulps heavily as though sandpaper is blocking her throat as she absorbs what he just stated. _She did tell me earlier, that she chose me above her father. Risk having her choose her father above me for the chance of choosing me over him?_ "Yes, sir." Willow agrees, hoping that Tara would pick her above him. She could not bear having Tara out of her life forever...

* * *

><p><strong>Just another chapter, sorry this one took a little longer to piece together then the other ones, it just paves nicely to the next chapters I have planned. <strong>  
><strong>Did you enjoy my little AU trip down memory lane...? <strong>


	14. Choices

**_Sunnydale Hospital - Tara's hospital room_**

Willow and Mr Maclay sit in silence within one and others company, the only sound is that of the general commotion of a busy hospital. Hours seems to drain by that Tara is away, however; peering up at the clock in the corridor Willow can see that it has only been 45 minutes. Willow stands up, stretches and looks to waste some time.

"I'm going to the bathroom..." She announces, trailing off at the end as she notices Dr Bellsome walking around the corner; followed by Tara being pushed in her bed.

"Tara?" Willow utters in a whisper; noticing that Tara is still unconscious.

Dr Bellsome approaches Willow and Mr Maclay. "Miss Rosenberg, Mr Maclay. I have the results from the scan; unfortunately I am unable to discuss the results with the both of you until Tara is fully conscious and lucid.

"Can't you just tell us now?" Mr Maclay insists angrily as he gets to his feet.

"Unfortunately, Sir, I cannot disclose this information to you without Tara's consent first, seeing as next of kin is listed as Linda Maclay," Dr Bellsome retorts.  
>"I-I'll come tell you when she wakes up," Willow utters, numbed by her own words.<p>

"Thank you, Miss Rosenberg," And with that Dr Bellsome walks away, leaving Willow and Mr Maclay alone in the corridor, again. Mr Maclay takes a seat again.

"I want to be with her," Willow mumbles to Mr Maclay.

"I shall come with you then," Mr Maclay says as he gets to his feet.

"Alone," Willow states coldly, starting right into what you would call Mr Maclay's 'soul'.

"Fine. Okay," He gulps, "But, you will tell me when she wakes up, I shall get the doctor and then I shall come in."

"Fine," Willow agrees bluntly before entering Tara's room and shutting the door behind her.

She stands in the doorway of the room, staring across at the pale shell of Tara lying unconscious on the bed. Taking in the environment of the familiar room, Willow walks next to Tara's bedside and plants herself in the chair next to the bed.

"Hey, Baby. It's me, Willow... I miss you so much, Baby." Willow speaks quietly placing a delicate kiss on Tara's hand, afraid to break her. "Remember the rest of our first movie night? Remember how I got to truly got to know you for who you are, for the person I fell in love with..."

* * *

><p>...<p>

"So, tell me about yourself, who is Tara?" Willow asks staring insightfully at Tara.

Tara coughs, clearing her throat. "M-My name is Tara Maclay. I-I was born October 16th 1980. I grew up in a small town in North California with my mother, father and brother," Tara states truthfully.

Willow continues to look at Tara, her eyebrow raised in anticipation of more, demanding more.

"I-I discovered Wicca when I was about eight, walking in on my mother performing a spell. However; I didn't really get into it until I was twelve," Tara's stammer fades and eventually disappears as she begins to feel complete comfort within the company on the red-head. "My-My father despises anything magic related and banned any use of magic within our household. For this reason I sought my education elsewhere, although he could only agree if it was close enough for him to visit every now and again. My-My mother was diagnosed with a brain tumour two years ago and passed away just six months after the diagnosis. I-It was hard on me to deal with, I was left alone to cater to my father and brothers every whim and I just couldn't handle it. I went off the rails just after she died, became addicted to magic and rebellious when it came to my father."

"You?" Willow asks in disbelief.

"Yes, I turned into a right spaz. And during this time I was really losing the will to survive. I stayed out till early hours of the morning – if not all night – and performed spells that were way out of my range of expertise as a witch..."

"What happened?" Willow enquires; her eyes full on intrigue.

"Well, after a few months I got really sick to the point of not being able to attend school. And at this point I said to myself that I have to make a future for my mother to be proud of, even if she wasn't going to be here to see it happen. So, I weaned myself off of the magic; concentrated on school and eventually made plans to get into college. It was a long road to get here, but here I am." Tara states proudly.

"Wow." Willow speechlessly utters. "You sure went through a lot."

"Yeah, how about you though?"

"I am Willow Rosenberg born May 5th 1982 to my mother Sheila and father Ira. My parents follow the religion of Judaism as do I, however; not strictly. An interesting thing that happened to me a couple of years back was when my own mother tried to burn me at the stake because she thought that I was a witch – little did she know... Anyway; my friend and Wicca buddy Amy turned herself into a rat," Willow stands up and walks over to the corner of the room, picks up a cage and brings it over to Tara. "Say hello to Amy."

"Wow," Tara speaks surprised by the human rodent. "You couldn't change her back?"

"I've tried everything; I just can't seem to get it right." Willow claims. "So, I look after her, give her food and affection, nothing more I can really do for her until I can changed her back."

"She is lucky to have you," Tara expresses, a shade of beetroot creeping upon her cheeks. Tara coughs, clearing her throat as it closes up in embarrassment. "So – What else happened?"

"Ooo- My principle got eaten by the Mayor who was a giant snake."

"Eurgh! Really? A giant snake?" Tara asks pulling a face of disgust.

"Yes. He had been planning ages... Have you heard of 'The Slayer'?" Willow asks Tara.  
>Tara siphons her brains and then nods. "Only through references though. The Vampire Slayer, there can only be one and when the slayer dies another one comes." Tara recites.<p>

"Well my best friend Buffy is a Vampire Slayer, and this is why I decided to pick up Wicca, so then I could be more useful to the gang-"

"Gang?" Tara asks bewildered.

"You see, there is a group of us that pull together to defeat the evil forces lurking in Sunnydale – which is a lot seeing at it is on a hellmouth. There is Giles – The ex-librarian and Buffy's watcher; Xander – he is my other best friend who helps out with the patrols and stuff; and then there is Buffy – The Slayer who has saved the world from apocalypse more times than you can count on one hand... Oh and then there is Anya – A 1200 year old ex-vengeance demon who happens to be Xander's girlfriend," Willow peers at Tara whose mouth is gawking open. "Too much?"

"N-No, just trying to process it all. So, Buffy is The Slayer who fights vampires and other monsters that go bump in the night – and – and Giles is there to train her? So, you and Xander help out with the fighting and stuff..." Tara releases a deep breath. "Wow."

"Well, Buffy is one of two slayers," Willow adds.

"Two? But I thought that if one dies then she gets replaced-" There is silence for a moment. "Oh – So Buffy died?" She continues a little shocked.

"Yes, just for a minute but the next Slayer in line was called to duty; as was another watcher." Willow states matter of factly.

"Did I say wow already?" Tara enquires dumbfounded by the information in front of her.

"I know," Willow chuckles nervously. "Then there is Angel, a vampire with a soul – mostly."

"Mostly?" Tara quizzes, the look of confusion elongating on her face.

"Well, most – if not all – vampires do not have a soul; which makes them the vicious animals that kill people for fun... Anyways; Angelus was cursed by a Gypsy during the 19th century after he killed a member of their clan. The curse involved giving humanity to Angelus to stop him feeling pleasure and satisfaction that came from the normal emotions that a vampire feels after a kill; thus giving him a soul and Angel was born. The only way to break the curse was for Angel to endeavour his moment of pure happiness. You see, Buffy and Angel was an item and when they finally got to sleeping together Angel endured his moment of pure happiness..."

"What happened?" Tara interrogates Willow, her eyes wide in anticipation.

"He turned evil – a callous vindictive vampire without a soul – Angelus. He tried to send the world into some hell dimension, and he nearly succeeded. I was working on a spell to return Angel's soul whilst Buffy went to try and stop Angelus from opening the portal. I did the spell and I had thought that it had worked – well there was this glow-ey thing that happened to the orb. Anyway; as night turned to day the world continued to exist but there was no Buffy..."

What happened to her?" Tara inquests, totally engrossed in the story.

"As is turned out Angelus had already activated the portal, and the only way to close it was to kill the source. Buffy had to kill him and as the evil, murdering Angelus she could do it – kill him, however; what she did not anticipate was Angel's soul returning-"

"-She had to kill him. S-She had to kill the man she loved to save the world," Tara carried on the story, her eyebrows furrowed together in sorrow for Buffy.

"Yes, and then she disappeared for a few months," Willow continued.

"That must have been really hard for you."

"It was – if it wasn't for Oz..." Willow trails off, remembering the heartache he had recently left.

"Oz?" Tara asks, seeing the look on Willow's face at his name.

"My boyfriend-"

"Oh..." Tara asks again not trying to hide the disappointment in her voice.

"Ex boyfriend," Willow corrects herself.

"Oh?" Tara asks again, this time more hopeful.

"He left not long ago. One day he's here the next he find a fellow female werewolf to keep himself company."

"Werewolf!?" Tara utters shocked.

"Yeah, Oz was a werewolf..." Willow states. "And all I seem to be talking about it my life."

"Hey, it's fine. I told you mine, it was just not as exciting as yours," Tara says with a nervous smile. "Anything else exciting happen?"

"Let's see..." Willow looks up to the ceiling deep in thought. "I met a vampire version of myself from another universe..."

The two girls sat and chatter about their lives all night. It was at this moment that Willow knew she felt a connection with another person on a deeper level; more so then she had with anyone before.

Willow yawns and contagiously so does Tara.

"Oh man, what time is it?" Willow asks stretching her arms above her head.

Tara pulls her phone out from her pocket and flips it open. "It's nearly three AM."

"We've literally talked the night away." Willow states with a smile, nervously stroking Tara's forearm.

"I-I should really get going." Tara yawns getting to her feet.

"Really, already?" Willow asks, realising the stupidity of the question as it leaves her mouth.

"I-I got class tomorrow," Tara expresses shrugging her shoulder.

"You want me to walk you to your dorm?" Willow enquires, fearing the blondes' safety; as well as the fact she wanted to spend as much time with her as physically possible, not wanting to break the connection between them.

"No, I'll be alright, thanks," Tara replies with an uncertain half smile.

In a flash Willow wraps her arms around Tara. "I'm sorry. But please be safe."

Tara embraces Willow back, first feeling awkward but then melting into the redheads arms, helplessly caressing her back.

Tara is the first one to reluctantly release from the hug and stares uncertainly at Willow.

"You want to meet up tomorrow?" Willow asks in anticipation.

Tara thinks silently to herself before expressing a nod. "Okay, one condition though Willow. You have to promise you won't fall in love with me." Her eyes stern as she recites the line from the film they had watched together just hours ago.

"That's not a problem," Willow lies with a convincing smile.

"Okay, I'll see you tomorrow..."

* * *

><p><strong><em>Sunnydale Hospital - Tara's hospital room<em>**

"And I think that is the moment when I fell in love with you – when you told me not to," Willow states staring down at Tara's hand, before setting her lips on it, tears falling down her cheeks.

As Willow lifts her head up from the kiss she then places a hand on Tara's. "I just love you so much, Baby."

To Willow's shock and disbelief Tara squeezes Willow's hand. "Tara?" Willow eagerly asks looking at Tara's face to find her awake. "How long have you been awake?"

"L-Long enough," Tara states with a smile that meets her eyes.

"Why didn't you say anything?" Willow asks stroking Tara's cheek.

"I wanted to listen, I wanted to remember," Tara retorts with a half extinguished smile.

"Do you?" Willow requests hopefully.

Tara knits her eyebrows together and shakes her head. "No – but I want to. I need to," Her eyes spilling over with tears in frustration.

"You will, Baby. Just give it time." Willow says stroking the pad of her thumb over the back of Tara's hand. Willow places a tender kiss on Tara's forehead, "Just give it time," Willow repeats before placing another kiss, this time on Tara's lips.

"Sorry," Willow apologises as she pulls reluctantly away from Tara. "I have to tell your father that you are awake," She states as she walks out of the room before returning not a minute later. "He has gone to get Dr Bellsome," She pulls a weak smile as she sits down and takes Tara's hand within her own.

"Willow, how long was I out?" Tara enquires confusion on her face.

"Nearly two hours. You –you had a seizure and everyone was so worried – I was so scared," Willow announces, tears brewing in her eyes.

"A seizure?" Tara knits her eyebrows together. "What did they do?"

"They sent you to have another CT scan so they can look at your brain – In case – In case..."

"In case I have a brain tumour," Tara states matter of factly a look on anguish pasted on her face.

Willow caresses Tara's forehead and cheek with one hand whilst rubbing the pad of her thumb on the back of Tara's hand with the other.

Mr Maclay enters the room, frowning at the affection between Willow and his daughter as he stands at the foot of the bed.

"Tara, Willow and I have been discussing your treatment once you get discharged from the hospital. I know this is very inappropriate and out of the blue, but I wondered who you wanted to go home with," He asks, a shudder running up his spine at the thought of Willow and his daughter together. "You can come home with me, and I will take time off work until you are better or..."

"Or you can come home with me. Come home to your real family: Dawn, Buffy... Me." Willow states butting in.

"You're – You're right; i-it is too s-s-soon," Tara states angrily in the direction of her father. "B-But – I-If I had to ch-choose it-it would be..."

Dr Bellsome enters the room followed shortly by Carol. "Good to see you are awake, Tara. I just need to ask you a few questions."

"O-Okay." Tara retorts, completely forgetting about the dire choice she was about to make – leaving both her father and Willow on tender hooks.

Dr Bellsome walks around to her bedside and takes his torch out of his pocket. "Have you got a headache?"

"A-A little one, yeah," Tara says bringing a hand to her temple.

"Okay, does it hurt more when I shine my light?" He asks as he flashes the light off and on just in front of Tara's eyes.

"A-A little more, I guess."

"Okay. And are your eyes blurry or fuzzy at all?"

"A-A little," She replies squinting her eyes and then opening them again.

Dr Bellsome pulls out an X-Ray sheet and places it against the light on the wall. "Tara, I'm sorry to say this, but it appears that you have an intracranial solid neoplasm – A tumour on your brain." He states remorsefully as he points to a small white cluster on the X-Ray.

Tara sits in silence for a moment before it sinks in. She looks at Willow who is tightly grasping her hand and weeping silently, trying her best – and failing - to keep strong. She then looks at her father; memories flooding back of the final months they had spend as a family as her mother died.

"Daddy!" Tara whimpers; ripping her hand from Willow and embracing her father as the realisation sinks in.

Willow tries to stop crying out loud as Mr Maclay looks at her over Tara's shoulder, a smug grin on his face. _"She's made her choice,"_ She can hear him say in her head. She doesn't think twice about it and rushes out of the room, the walls and ceiling enclosing around her.

* * *

><p><strong>So, what do you think? I also need to apologize for not updating sooner, this chapter was a little difficult to get down on paper.<br>Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it and that you want to know what happens. Peace Out. **


	15. Amendments

Willow hastily exits the room, struggling to breathe as her lungs convulse, the walls of the room enclosing around her. Her whole world falling apart. She instinctively heads to one place that springs to mind, the one place she can cry within the company of herself. She drags herself to the bathroom, thankful that no one else was using it and collapses on the floor, crying hysterically.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Sunnydale Hospital - Tara's hospital room<strong>_

Tara withdraws her arms from around her father, leaning back and wiping the mixture of tears and snot off her face with her sleeve. Somewhere whilst Tara and her father were hugging Carol and Dr Bellsome had exited the room, giving the two sometime alone to reflect on the news they had received.

For the first time since Tara had begun hugging her father she looked around for Willow, or where Willow should have been.

"Willow?"Tara questions not addressing anyone in particular, confused by the absence of Willow.

"She left," Mr Maclay states matter of factly, showing no real concern.

"L-L-Left where?" Tara stammers emotively.

"Tara," Mr Maclay boldly announces. "You made your choice."

"W-What – ?" Tara asks her eyebrows furrowed together. "Y-You have it w-w-wrong!" Tara shouts realising the mistake she had made.

"What?" Mr Maclay asks, startled by Tara's comment.

"Y-You have it w-w-wrong, Sir," Tara repeats, this time louder, making it clear for her father to understand.

"You make your choice young lady!" Mr Maclay shouts furiously – his nostril flared, raising his voice further still.

"No, I didn't! You made the choice for me! I needed you to comfort me in this emotional time in my life because, _Hello!_ I have cancer! But I can't even do that without you making decisions for me," Tara shouts erratically; blood starting to drip from her nose.

"Tara."

"I may not know Willow as well as I should, but I want to; and I am willing to spend the rest of my life with her – however short it may be –"

"Tara!"

"Just to feel wanted and loved, the two things I never felt with you."

"TARA!"

"WHAT!" She yells at her father, her eyes fuelled with anger.

"Your nose – it's bleeding." Mr Maclay states softly, tail between his legs.

"What?" Tara asks confused, wiping her nose with the back of her hand. "Oh," She manages to articulate as she sees the blood smeared on the back of her hand.

Mr Maclay reaches into his pocket, pulling out a handkerchief before passing over to Tara.

"Thanks." She spits, grabbing it off him and dabbing her nose. "Did you hear me? I did not choose you. I would never choose you. You are a shallow and vindictive man who never really cared much about me."

"That's not true –"

"Enough!" Tara shouts back at him in retort. "Don't make excuses!" She stops and takes a breath, reflecting on the whole situation. "Don't make excuses." She states again, this time muttering under her breath.

"I missed you, Tara." Mr Maclay says convincingly. "After you disowned your family and I got over the anger – I missed you."

"Missed me? Missed me doing the cooking and the cleaning and chasing after your every whim, answering to your every beck and call?" Tara scoffs. "And disown you? Now, why would I do that I wonder?" She asks rhetorically. "Was it because you lied to me? Was it because you hit me and verbally abused me?"

"Now, Tara, that was all for your own good, to make you learn –"

"Shut up – Shut up! – SHUT UP!" Tara says, tuning into a shout as she progressed. "You didn't deserve mom. The only reason she stayed for so long was because she was scared of you! And you know what? I'm not scared of you anymore!" Tara roars angrily, finally feeling good to get it off her chest, a load off that has bore heavy upon her for what feels like a long time.

"Tara–"

"No. You will go out of this room and find Willow and bring her back to me andyou _will_ apologise for being a complete ass to her. Or, you can walk out of this room and never come back, never to see me again. The choice – is yours." Tara lays out the law sternly.

There is a silence in the room, the only sound that can be heard is Mr Maclay breathing heavily, trying to cage his fury as he takes giant breaths. "Where would I find her?" He finally utters.

Tara's raises her eyebrows in disbelief but then lowers them again in fuel driven anger. "I don't know that's for you to find out, but you _will_ find her. Don't even bother coming back if you haven't found her."

Without another words Mr Maclay leaves with a single nod, understanding Tara's terms, leaving in his wake a worried and frightened Tara.

"Where are you Willow?" She whimpers to herself, as though whispering to a benevolent force.

Twenty minutes drain slowly by that Tara is sat alone in her hospital bed, every second away from Willow feeling like an eternity. Worried about where Willow could be she takes it upon herself to get out of bed and start looking. First she pulls the cable from the pads on her chest, the EKG machine making an alarming sound but she just ignores it, fuelled by wanting to find Willow. She then pulls the drip from her hand, grimacing as she pulls out the cannula, forcing pressure as the blood flows.

Tara sits with her legs dangling off the side of the bed, preparing to get up. She stands. Her head pounding against her ears.

"Tara?" Carol asks alarmingly as she enters the room. "Tara, get back in bed!"

"W-Willow," Tara weakly whimpers, giving into her fatigue and sitting back on the bed.

Carol rushes over to Tara, reconnecting the EKG before carefully placing the cannula again. Carol the grabs Tara's legs and helps Tara lay back down. "What are you doing, Tara?"

"Willow – she – she left," Tara whimpers frowning, her eyes threatening tears.

"So, you figured out that you want to be with her then?" Carol say, trying to hold off a smile.

"Yes," Tara bluntly states with a nod. "My father came in here with Willow, and told me I had to make a choice – the choice to go home with him, or to go back with Willow."

"Well, who did you pick?" Carol asks engrossed.

"I didn't," Tara says slowly shaking her head. "Dr Bellsome came in."

"Ah, I see. So why did Willow leave then?" Carols enquires in confusion.

"When he told me –" Tara pauses, collecting herself before continuing. "When he told me I have cancer – I just – I just froze. My mom and what she went through just seemed to come into mind, and I just went to my father. Instinctively –" Tara pauses again, realising her stupid mistake. "I guess – I guess when Willow saw me in the arms of my father above her – she must have – she must have,"

"Thought that you chose your father," Carol says, continuing on behalf of Tara.

"And – And now she's g-gone," Tara weeps.

"Shhh, shhh. How about I go have a look for you? I'm due a break anyway," Carol tries to comfort the distraut Tara.

"You –You would do that?" Tara enquires thankfully.

"Of course. My job is to keep my patients well and happy as much as I can. And if by bringing Willow to you is going to make you happy, who am I to deny that?" Carol replies with a heartfelt smile.

"Th-Thank you." Tara thanks Carol with a reassuring smile, though her eyes still full of Tears.

"Just promise me you will not get out of bed again," Carol states sternly.

"I promise," Tara reassures with truthful eyes.

Before Carol leaves she gives Tara a glass of water and double checks that she is feeling alright, she then exits the room.

"_If I were to have my heart ripped out of my chest by the person that I loved, where would I go?"_ One place sprang to mind, and she headed there instantly.

* * *

><p>Willow lay hunched on the bathroom floor; her eyes stinging as tears continue to empty down her cheeks. She barely hears the door to the bathroom open above her sobs.<p>

"Oh Willow," Carol sighs in compassion.

Carol makes her way over to Willow huddled on the floor and places a comforting hand on her back. "Willow, Willow, Willow – Shh – Shh – Shh," She speaks softly trying to calm her.

"S-S-She's g-g-gone," Willow convulses trying to catch her breath.

"Tara's not gone, Sweetie. You got it all wrong," Carol tries to support the distraut person crumbling before her.

"S-S-She chose h-h-him!" Willow shouts shuddering. "I-I-I'm n-never g-going to s-s-see her e-e-ever again."

"Sweetie, listen, you got it all wrong," Carol repeats this time grabbing Willow's attention. "Tara sent me to get you, she was even getting out of bed to come find you when I went to check on her," Carol states matter of factly. "She was willing to risk her own health to get you back by any means possible, she is utterly distraut."

"S-S-She tried to get out of bed?" Willow enquires, her voice alarmed. "B-But s-she chose him."

"No Willow, you have to understand, this is probably the most difficult news she has ever received in her life and she just wanted something familiar, her father. Something they have both been through before. And I assure you, Tara feels terrible about it," Carol explains.

"S-S-She didn't choose her father?" Willow enquires calming down slightly.

"She didn't choose her father," Carol assures Willow.

"Tara..." Willow draws, accepting Carol's hand as she gets to her feet.

"No, let's go give Tara the woman she loves back," Carol states with a smile, her arm draped over Willow's shoulder.

Willow stands outside of Tara's room with Carol. "Remember, this is the last chance to skip out. You can leave and I will tell Tara that I couldn't find you." Carol says standing in front of Willow, blocking access to the door to Tara's room.

"What? I-I would never!" Willow angrily retorts frowning at Carol.

"Good, I'm just double checking. I don't want you to walk in there all happy and capture Tara's delicate heart, then in two months down the line when she is really ill for you to leave."

"I would never do that! I love her, I will cherish her." Willow swears.

Carol steps aside. "Go on then," She ushers.

Willow peers through the window in the door, her heart aching at the vision of Tara so upset. She enters the room quietly.

At the sound of the door opening Tara whips her head around to see who it is. When Willow enters the room there is not a sound from either of them. Looks exchange between the two girls. Willow's lips pursed, eyebrows furrowed and her eyes full of hurt.

Tara returns the look and her eyebrows buck. "Willow..." She whimpers.

Willow rushes over to Tara, her arms outstretched and takes Tara within them. "I love you." She whispers.

Tara returns the embrace, holding Willow close to her body – afraid to let her go again. "I love you too," She whispers back.

Willow pulls her head back and stares at Tara in disbelief, looking deep into her blue eyes as the hairs on the back of her neck stand on end.

"I love you," Tara says again, sealing reassurance with a kiss. "I love you," She repeats again, her hands caressing Willow's back, her lips guiding themselves to Willow's.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Thank you for continuing to follow this story (for all those that do) - or thank you for choosing to read this story (for those who are new)<strong>_

_**I would really appreciate it if you would drop a review here or there to give me some inspiration to write  
><strong>_**_- I would like to thank Willara4ever for always being there when I annoyingly PM her asking for help :) _**


	16. Happening

_**Sunnydale Hospital - Tara's hospital room**_

Willow sits with her legs parted, Tara sits between them; leaning back she rests her head on Willow's chest.

"Can't we just stay here forever?" Tara asks softly, fingers entwined with Willow's.

"If only, sweetie," Willow replies stroking Tara's hair softly.

"I'm scared, Willow," Tara states, turning around and facing Willow.

"I know baby, I scared too Willow says grabbing Tara's hand within her own.

"I-I don't want you want you to see me when I'm ill."

"Baby, don't be silly. I'm going to stay with you no matter what," Willow says sternly.

"I-I don't want you to see me as the shell of the person I am now," Tara whimpers, her bottom lip trembling. "My- My mother, when – just before she d-d-died, she couldn't remember who we were and got confused easily and had violent mood swings. I-I don't want you to see me like that."

"Tare, baby," Willow says stroking the pad of her thumb on the back of Tara's hand. "You need to know that I am not going anywhere, even if it takes one thousand times to sink in," Willow states leaning forward, resting her forehead gently against Tara's. "I'm not going anywhere," She whispers as she brushes her lips against Tara's.

There is a knock on the door and Carol enters, a hand covering her eyes. "Not interrupting anything am I?" She enquires through parted fingers, a smile on her face.

"No!" Both girls utter in unison, sharing an indulgent kiss.

"Good," Carol states. "So, I see you have found each other," Carol coughs at their positioning on the bed.

Tara's cheeks flush beetroot as she strokes Willow's upper arm. Willow leans down and places another kiss on Tara's lips, before getting up and walking over to the en-suit bathroom; sending a smile to Tara's direction before entering, closing the door behind her.

Tara sits with a grin painted on her face, her cheeks flushing again.

"Happy?" Carol asks sarcastically.

"No," Tara lies through her smile. "How can I not be?" She questions rhetorically.

"You know how, Tara..." Carol replies, breaking in slowly.

"I know – I know. But – it feels like because she is here with me, everything is going to be okay."

Willow walks out the bathroom, wiping her wet hands down the front of her pants, "What I miss?" Se asks feeling out of the loop.

"Nothing much, just telling Carol how having you here makes everything better," Tara replies looking at Willow and smiling.

Willow walks over to Tara and places a kiss on her forehead. "Love you."

"Love you," Tara says back, taking hold of Willow hand with her own and bringing it up to her lips, placing a kiss of the back of it.

There is a silence in the room, Willow and Tara sharing affections as Carol watches on in awe, realising even in the darkest of tunnels there is a light at the end of the tunnel worth fighting for.

Carol coughs, breaking the couple from ogling one and other. "So, Tara, your father is still looking around the hospital in search for Willow, want me to tell him?"

Tara looks at Carol and thinks to herself shortly before shaking her head. "No, let him look a little longer."

"Okay, how are you feeling in general?" Carol enquires. "Feeling better then earlier?"

"Yes, much better, thank you. Honestly, I'm feeling a little hungry." Tara admits.

"Okay, I'll see if I can sort anything out for you," Carol insists. "I'll be back shortly."

"Okay," Tara says as Carol exits the room.

Willow looks at Tara.

"What?" Tara asks, confused by Willow's expression.

"I do love you," Willow confirms.

"I know, and I know that I love you. I feel it more then anything else." Tara explains. "I feel it more then fear." Tara peers at Willow, her eyes full of passion.

"Tara," Willow releases in almost a whimper, leaning in for a kiss.

Tara kisses Willow back, pushing her tongue through parted lips to gain access to Willow mouth – who is taken aback slightly by this action – only to accept Tara's request as their tongue dance.

The two girls are too distracted with each other to notice Dr Bellsome entering the room and as Tara is a bout to place a hand on one of Willow's breasts he coughs. "Glad to see you are feeling better, Tara," he utters in almost a chuckle.

Willow instantly retracts her attention away from Tara and takes a seat next to her.

Tara's cheeks flush a deep shade of red, brighter then Willow's hair. "D-Doctor –" she coughs trying to regain composure, her throat closing up in embarrassment. "Hi-Hi."

"Hello Tara," Dr Bellsome greets. "Willow," He nods in acknowledgment in Willow's direction.

"Dr Bellsome, what can we do for you?" Willow asks.

"Well, I'm actually here to discuss Tara's treatment," He speaks lucidly.

"Ah," Willow utters almost disappointingly as reality kick back in fifth gear.

"Treatment?" Tara mutters quietly. "Wha-What's the t-treatment?" She enquires fearfully.

"We need to decide that –" Dr Bellsome says pausing, contemplating his approach. "If you agree to an exploratory operation to determine whether the tumour is operable, then we can discuss possible treatments."

"Okay."

"If you need more time to decide or to discuss this then I can come back later on."

"Yes, I'll do it," Tara confirms without any more thought.

"Okay, great!" Dr Bellsome says. "There is a spare slot later on today due to a cancelation; I will tell them that you have agreed to it."

"Today?" Willow gulps nervously looking at Tara.

"The surgeon, Dr Hope, will come down to discuss the procedure with you closer to the operation. He will also have some waivers to fill out, also you will be nil by mouth, so no eating please."

"Thank you," Tara replies calmly.

"I'll be back soon," Dr Bellsome says as he exits the room.

Willow looks at Tara, the expression on her face hard to pin point.

"What?" Tara enquires, one eyebrow raised in speculation.

"Are you sure about it? I mean, it's a big step, are you sure you don't want to think about it a little while longer than just half a second? I mean, I support your decision and that but, it's huge, but it's just that – it's big and scary and –"

"Willow," Tara pronounces softly, aiming to sooth the babbling Willow in front of her. She gently sets both of her hands on top of Willow's. "It's going to be fine."

Willow bites her lip, trying – and failing – to stem the tears from overflowing. Pulling her hands out and laying them back on top of Tara's. "I'm just so scared, baby." Willow sobs leaning into Tara, resting their heads together gently.

"Shh," Tara whispers taking her hands to Willow's hair. "Darling."

"I can't do this," Willow weeps.

Tara places her lips on Willow's forehead, kissing delicately before placing her lips on Willow's mouth comfortingly and supportively. "We can do this," Tara murmurs as she rests her forehead against Willow's again.

"Okay," Willow breathes. "I'll be here for you."

"We can be strong." Tara states, holding back tears as the love of her life crumbles under the pressure of it all.

"Strong like an Amazon?" Willow asks, recollecting the moment of Joyce's death.

"Strong like an Amazon," Tara repeats with a smile, feeling a sense of Déjà vu she brings her hands up to Willow's hair again and entwines her finger within it. As her finger entwine Tara places her lips upon Willow's forehead and places a soft soothing kiss upon it – lingering.

"Tara, I tried –" A voice bellows as he walks through the door.

Mr Maclay now stands at the food of the bed, nostrils flared, brow heavy and his face red in fury. "Tara!" He announces furiously, a vein throbbing in his head. "What is this? I go out finding her for you for an hour, and what? This is how to repay me?"

"N-N-N-No, S-S-Sir," Tara fumbles breathlessly. "S-S-She j-just –"

"Enough, Tara!" Mr Maclay bellows. "I try to understand and accept your – ways, and this is how you thank me?"

"You shouldn't have to _try _and accept her for who she is! You **should a**ccept her no matter what because she is your daughter!" Willow yells back angrily.

"It's because she is my daughter that I want to try. Everyone deserves a second chance," Mr Maclay utters calmly.

"Just go," Tara says in a horsed whisper.

"What?" Mr Maclay snaps taken aback by Tara's statement.

"GO!" Tara retorts loudly. "I love you, but this isn't working out with you here. I will phone you with any updates on my treatment, okay?"

"No, I'm not leaving this room!" Mr Maclay snorts.

"I've given you the option to leave quietly without any hassle, or I can get Dr Bellsome to ban you from the hospital and have no option to visit me in the future..." Tara states sternly.

"FINE!" Mr Maclay roars ferociously. "Just don't expect me to put you up when things don't work out between the two of you." He adds glaring between Tara and Willow.

He scoffs loudly before he exits the room loudly, slamming the door behind him.

Tara looks at Willow. "W-Was I too harsh on him?" She asks concerned.

"He deserves it. I know he is your father and everything, but he abused you for the major part of your life, lying and making you a slave under is ruling. If it were me, I would forget about him like you did before, I know that this is difficult for you." Willow states matter of factly.

"It is – difficult, but I know I have you and that is worth more then anything he could and has ever offered to give me, I love you, Willow."

"I love you too, baby," Willow replies, sealing her words with a kiss.

An hour passes when there is a knock on the door, a young looking man – with a skinny pointed jaw and eyes with an array of colours – enters the room. "Good afternoon, ladies," the young man utters softly. "I am surgeon Dr Hope, and I have you booked for surgery with me today at four," He states looking down at his watch.

"Hi," Willow speaks, offering a weary hand to the doctor. "I'm Willow, girlfriend, lover, best-friend. All of the above.'

Dr Hope takes Willows hand within his own and shakes it gently. "Hello, Willow. And I gather that this is Tara."

"Y-Yes, hello," Tara shyly stammers.

"Well, it's not going to be too daunting, I'll make it quick and to the point so that you can share the time together between now and the op." Dr Hope says fluidly. "Okay, well we are going to be performing an exploratory operation in order to determine whether the tumour is benign or malignant, also if the tumour is malignant whether the spread is localised or whether is it has metastasized."

Willow grabs hold of Tara's hand and holds it close to her face.

"If the tumour is benign, or if the spread is localized we will try to remove what we can of the infected brain tissue. However; if the spread has metastasized, then we are going to have to see options for chemotherapy that may prolong life." Dr Hope adds his face stern.

"What – What are the chances of survival?" Tara asks, shocking Willow.

"We are not sure of the prognosis until we have completed the operation," Dr Hope says. "The explorative operation last between the region of two to four hours, and after that we will decide whether to operate on the tumour then and there. Unfortunately, if you are out before the four hours then the operation was unsuccessful and we will determine prognosis after that." He adds.

"Okay, thank you, doctor," Tara thanks fear repent in her eyes.

"Any questions?" Dr Hope wonders aloud.

Willow silently shakes her head slowly, Tara looks at Dr Hope. "Are – Are there any complications?" She asks innocently masking a brave face.

"As with every operation, there are complications that may occur. The major concern would be if we were to knick blood vessels within the brain which would cause a haemorrhage. Another concern would be if a blood clot were to form on the brain which could eventually lead to a stroke. Some more complications that are not life threatening but can still be serious are seizures and muscle fatigue. After the operation you will be strictly monitored and we will discuss whether the operation was successful after you are feeling better." Dr Hope states.

"Okay, do – do you have forms for me to sign?" Tara questions quaintly.

"Yes, please take the time to read the form; it will outline the procedure and what will happen in more detail. Once you have read the form and you agree to it please sign it at the bottom." Dr Hope explains, pointing to a box at the bottom with a star drawn next to it.

Tara reads the form quietly to herself, remaining calm and content as she reads. Once she reaches the bottom she picks up the pen and signs the bottom of the page. "Thank you, Doctor."

Dr Hope picks up the form and smiles disheartened at his patient. "I will be back in two hours to collect you."

"Thank you, Doctor. See you." Tara replies un-phased.

Dr Hope exits the room. Willow looks at Tara – her eyes threatening to spill over with tears, once again.

"Willow?" Tara asks confused, her voice breaking as she sees the tears spill.

"I – I should be the strong one," Willow angrily states crying. "But I can't."

"Shhhh – Shhh." Tara says as she pulls Willow in close for a heartfelt embrace. "Darling."

"You – You are just so strong. I can't be strong, I can't be strong knowing – knowing that you may not come out of that room alive," Willow explains her eyes streaming like a waterfall as the tears splash down off her face.

"Shhh – darling," Tara repeats comfortingly. "I'm going to be fine; everything is going to be fine,"

"You – You don't know that," Willow retorts sorrowfully.

"I have hope... I have hope in Dr Hope..." Tara replies with a smile on her face.

Willow flickers a slight smile. "See!" Tara announces. "Come here," She insists pulling Willow in so that her head is leaning on Willow forehead. "I love you. You know it, I know it. Hold on to it and don't let it go, okay?"

"O-Okay," Willow promises. "Don't leave me." Willow whispers into Tara's ear, causing goose-bumps to arouse across her body.

Willow and Tara sit within each others company for the two hours, embracing one and other tightly. Dr Hope enters the room with two porters.

"Ready?" He asks.

"Ready as I'll ever be," Tara replies with half a congealed smile. Willow stands.

"You can come into the room where the anesthetise her," Dr Hope adds looking up at Willow.

The porters reach Tara's bed and they unlock the wheels and they wheel her out of the room, Willow and Dr Hope follow.

...

They reach a room, white and sterile – much like majority of the hospital. It has the nostril cleansing smell of disinfectant and there are four or five people in scrubs crowded around Tara in her bed.

"Okay, Tara. We are just going to administer the anaesthetic now, just count to ten," An unfamiliar voice announces looking down at Tara through scrubs.

Tara grips tightly on Willow's hand anxiously. There is a cold feeling crawling up her arm and she begins to count in her head.

_1_

_2_

_3_

Tara squeezes Willow's hand anxiously.

_4_

Willow squeezing back in reassurance.

_5_

_6_

"Don't leave me..." Are the final words Tara hears as her world falls into complete darkness...

* * *

><p><em><strong>What will be the fate of Tara? Who knows? If you enjoyed this chapter and want to pester me to update then review or even PM me, I don't bite - mostly. <strong>_

_**I have been going through a rough time at the moment, and I would like to thank Gimpy72 and Willara4ever for their support throughout this time, much appreciate ya'll. Peace. **_


	17. Expectations

**Sunnydale Hospital - Present Time  
><span>**  
>The room comes into focus slowly as I blink rapidly, my eyes fighting the light that permeates them – blinding. My head thumps in my ears. I can feel every ounce of blood pumping around my head, every sound agony. Am I dead? I feel as though if my I were standing my head would detach from my shoulders and fall to the ground – heavy as lead.<p>

"Tara? Baby?" I hear a familiar voice uttering softly, my eyes unable to pinpoint the origin.

I pry my eyes open for a second and glance at the Angel in front of me. "Willow?" I whisper, my own voice a hoarse strange to me.

"Hey, Baby," She replies softly, I can feel her smiling down at me.

She takes my hand within her own and lifts it gently; I feel her lips on it as she places a tender lingering kiss on my skin. Tingles run up my spine. "Hi," I smile back with a half pained expression, my head throbbing.

"How you feeling?" She asks cautiously.

"Hurting," I murmur quietly in reply.

"Baby," Willow whimpers placing the pad of her thumb on my cheek. Stroking softly.

"Kiss me," I demand politely.

"What?" Willow enquires confused and dumbfounded.

"Kiss me. It hurts so much, I need you," I reply honestly.

She understands my demands and leans into me, placing her soft lips upon mine.

For a second, just a short and blissful second everything seems to just fade away. The only thing I knew was Willow. The pain of reality gone.

"Thank you," I state with a smile. Thankful that even for a second, just a short second, I managed to escape reality.

There is a light tapping on the door before Dr Hope and Dr Bellsome enters.

"Hello, Tara," Dr Bellsome greets at he approaches the foot of the bed.

"Hi," I whisper back, addressing both Dr Bellsome and Dr Hope.

"How are you feeling?" Dr Hope asks pondering.

"My head hurts," I say quietly. "My ears are thumping."

"Okay, I'll top you up with a little morphine," Dr Hope states. "I'll also give you a button, if you feel uncomfortable or the pain in your head comes back then it will administer a controlled amount of pain relief."

I see Willow look between Dr Bellsome, Dr Hope and me and that is when it hits me. "It didn't work, did it?" I ask seeking the answer I already know.

Silence fills the air.

* * *

><p>Time passes in moments, moments that flash past and determine the path of a life – just as surely as they lead towards its end. How often do we sit back and examine the paths we have taken, are they paths we choose or are they paths that are determined for us by a higher power, nature choosing our course? But what if we could stop and take pause, take a moment to relapse in every precious moment that we spend before it passes, might we then see the outcome of our paths, and realise whether it is a higher power, the roads that have shaped our life. And seeing those choices would we choose to take the reigns from the benevolent force determining our paths and change the outcome for the future?<p>

Moments are said to change pace, moments race by when we do not want them to, or when we least expect them – moments of joy and happiness seem to rush past and we wonder where they escape to. However; in times of loss or mourning time is said to slow down, slowing time as every moment seems to last a lifetime – dragging. This moment here and now feels like clocks have stopped altogether and that time is no longer relevant, a lifetime passing in front of me. Everything around me moving in fast forward, yet I remain paused. Every heartbeat like time – fading. Fading away with every moment that passes timelessly.

* * *

><p><span><strong>Sunnydale Hospital - 10 minutes earlier<strong>  
>"Miss Rosenberg," Dr Bellsome chants hoping to wake Willow from her distant daze. "Willow," he says again this time snapping Willow out of her own world and back into reality. "Willow, Tara is out of surgery now, she is in recovery, you may go wait with her as she wakes up," He announces.<p>

"Okay, thank you," Willow whispers. "How did it go?"

Dr Bellsome looks at Willow , his face pondering and his eyebrows furrowed.

"It didn't work, did it?" Willow enquires. As scared as she seemed earlier, and for all the tears that had been shed, it was the answer to this question that she already knew. Taking it in her stride to become strong for the woman she loved she takes a deep intake of air and accepts the final outcome, so that they could spend there lasting moments together knowing they are there for one and other.

She stands, tall and strong, as though nothing in the world could stop her loving the only thing that she has ever cherished in the universe, Tara.

* * *

><p><span><strong>Sunnydale Hospital - Current Time<strong>  
>"It didn't work, did it?" Tara asks, asking a question she already knew the answer to.<p>

A silence engulfs the air, moments standing still, every second lasting forever.

"Unfortunately – no it didn't work. As it turns out the tumour is malignant and is inoperable – I am so sorry." Dr Bellsome states his condolences. "We will do everything in our power to keep you as comfortable as possible," He insists.

"How long?" Tara outbursts bluntly.

"Well, it's hard to pinpoint exactly, people are very dif –"

"How long?" Tara asks again, this time more persistent.

"Six weeks to six months, we can't be sure," Dr Bellsome states.

"Okay," Tara says calmly. "Can you go – I just want to be alone," She adds looking between Dr Bellsome and Dr Hope.

Dr Hope looks at Dr Bellsome and vice versa and they exit the room wordlessly.

Willow avoids eye contact, afraid Tara's delicate eyes would penetrate her newly found hard outer shell. "I guess – I guess I'll wait outside then." Turning Willow walks towards the door.

"Willow?" Tara calls over to her. "I can be alone with you."

Willow pivots on spot and makes her way over to Tara's bedside, and takes a seat next to her.

A sweet silence fills the air.

Willow breaks the silence, "Once you get out of here we can get away, just the two of us, what do you say? A future to look forward to?"

Tara eyebrows fall, her face stern and angry. "A future? What future? I have no future! We have no future! I am going to die!" She screams hysterically.

"Tara!" Willow pleads.

"What!? There is no sugar coating it! I am going to die!" Tara continues.

"Tara, please, stop." Willow begs, her eyes threatening to spill over with tears.

"I AM GOING TO DIE, AND THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT!"

Willow's face drops, knowing that Tara is right. Tara is going to die and there is nothing she can do about it – as much as she wants to believe she can – she can't. Willow stands looking at Tara, her eyes tearful, eyebrows furrowed together, and lips pursed tightly together.

"You're right!" Willow chokes, her emotions getting the better of her. "You're right – I can't do anything about it." Willow's lips tighten and her brow knits tightly together fighting off every means to cry, in fear of not being able to stop. She takes a deep breath, her whole body shuddering as she releases.

"But that doesn't stop me from being here, making you comfortable and love you – right up until – the very end..." Willow states boldly.

Tara watches and absorbs everything that is said, her eyebrows fall and there is sadness ebbed on her face. "Willow..." She whimpers mournfully.

Willow rushes over to Tara and wraps her arms around her – holding her tightly.

Tara enfolds within them and Willow continues to hold Tara comfortingly as the fragile piece of glass fractures within her arms, mourning the loss of her delicate short life.

"_She is going to die, and there is nothing I can do about it..."_

* * *

><p><strong>Hey guys! Sorry to leave this chapter so long, but I hardly ever have time to myself anymore as I spend six days a week at work. <strong>  
><strong>Hope this doesn't disappoint any fans out there...Tara is going to die - or is she... <strong>

**Because I probably won't update - Merry Christmas and have a happy New Year, I hope to be back next year with some kick-ass chapter that are going to knock the Christmas stuffing out of you! Peace. **


	18. Broken

It's time to say goodbye, since I heard the news it's like I've become so weak. I think it is just the time to turn off the light and leave this place I have come to call home for what feels like forever. It's scary letting go of the one thing that you have to hold onto, and not really knowing what comes after the transition. I have to seek comfort that I will be with loved ones in a place far from here. What if I don't like it there? What if I make a mistake in choosing to go? No, no. It's the right choice, I need to go, I need to leave whilst I can, whilst I can make the choice for myself – I need to go.

I stare around the room I have called home for the past three weeks and I let out an involuntary sigh as I recount everything that has happened to me. I hear footsteps approach behind me and they stop just next to me, I hear a sigh as I feel her eyes trace the room then land on me.

"You ready, Baby?" Willow asks haphazardly, unsure this is the right choice.

I look around the room for one last time. "Yeah, let's go home," I state grabbing Willow's hand in mine.

* * *

><p>I see the world in third person, as though watching through a television screen or from another's perspective. It feels almost unreal – surreal – like a dream or a nightmare that I can't wake up from, running but getting know here.<p>

The taxi pulls up outside a house, a typical suburban home with a path that leads up the front garden up to the front porch. Homely. I feel Willow grasp my hand as I peer out at the familiar house that beckons me.

"Baby?" I hear Willow utter soundlessly. "Baby?' She repeats this time with more clarity.

I turn around to face her, her eyes soft and scared as they stare at me like a delicate piece of glass that is going to break into a million pieces at any minute.

"Yes, Willow?" I ask, concerned by the look on her face.

"You know you don't have to do this. I mean – it's not like I don't want you here, goddess knows I do. It's just maybe too much for you and it has been so soon since you found out about everything." Willow babbles, the tears in her eyes making their way on her cheek as they begin to spill over.

"Willow, I love you. Just tell me if you don't want me here and I will go back to the hospital," I state knowing Willow would never say that to me.

Willow shakes her head as the tears roll off her cheeks. "It's not that," Willow takes pauses and breathes in, afraid to speak it. "What – What happens one morning when I wake up –" She takes pause again this time deeply affected by what she is about to say as the tears flow more rapid down her face. "What happens one morning when I wake up – and – and you don't?"

I peer at Willow, I hadn't thought that through, how selfish of me. "How about I make you a promise? If I ever feel weak – too weak – then you can take me back the hospital. However; up till that time I want to spend as much time with you as possible, I want to stay here with you." I grab Willow's hand with both of mine and raise it to my lips. "Okay?" I ask. Placing a soft kiss upon it.

"Okay," Willow agrees gingerly, still unsure.

"I just don't want my last moments being stuck inside of a hospital, just waiting to die. I want to go to nice places. Go to the beach, look up at the stars, go to the park. But most of all I want to be with you, because you are the only thing in this world that I am certain of anymore."

Willow bites her lip trying to stem the emotions but I can see it starting to overcome her. I lean in and place my lips on her, tenderly.

"I love you," I repeat, looking deeply into her soul.

"I-I love you so much," Willow confirms. She takes one of her hands from my grip and wipes the back of it across her eyes.

I spot a lone tear falling down her cheek and I wipe it away with the pad of my thumb and I smile as I touch her face. I am so lucky to have such an amazing woman to spend the rest of my life with.

"Let's get inside and get you comfortable," Willow speaks offering me a hand, and I take with within my own. She opens the passenger door and climbs out, still holding onto my hand as I carefully side across the bench and get out the car. We receive my bag from the trunk and then we pay the driver. I stand on the sidewalk staring at the large comforting home in front of me.

"You ready?" Willow asks not needing to look at me as we both gaze up at the large house in front of us.

I gulp loudly, my mouth suddenly dry and my palms sweaty. '_Why am I so nervous?_'I guess it is because I don't know what – or who is behind the door… "Ready!' I announce much more confidently then I feel.

Willow gives my hand a reassuring squeeze and we both make our way up towards the house. Unbeknown to what the future will bring.

As we get to the door Willow places her key into the lock, turns it and the twist the door knob, pushing the door open to reveal a quaint hallway. I enter looking around; trying to remember.

It's small and hazy bu it is there, memory of this home hiding deep within my mind.

"Willow?" I hear a somewhat familiar voice call out from another room. I hear footsteps approach on the hardwood flooring from the room next door.

"Willow, I was going to ask –" The voice stops as a teenager stands stunned in the archway that separates the rooms, her mouth gaping. "Tara – I though –" The brunette trails off, dumbfounded and lost for words.

I rack my brain trying to put a name to that familiar and comforting young face.

"D-Dawn?" I question, and by speaking out loud I feel memories flash back. "Dawnie?"

Dawn looks at me in elation, runs towards me and I wrap my arms around her, I feel her quivering but she told me tightly. _Dawnie, she lost her mom not too long ago, so I stepped up, me and Willow… but why? Isn't Dawn Buffy's sister?_

"It's so good to see you, I was so worried, I missed you so much." Dawn blurts out still holding me tightly. "I would have come to see you, but Buffy said that you needed to remember by yourself and that I shouldn't push you too hard."

"It's good to see you too, Dawnie." I reply knowing in my heart that it is the upmost truth.

Dawn releases me from her python like hug and I try to catch my breath feeling light headed and overwhelmed by this surreal feeling.

* * *

><p>It's beginning to get dark outside as the sun begins to fall out of the sky. The streetlamps are slowly turning on one by one as darkness begins to engulf the sky and nighttime approaches.<p>

Betrayal fills one of the residence in the Summer's household. Tara stands in her bedroom alone, staring at the wardrobe hoping that this day is a nightmare, that she will make up next to Willow and she will be unscathed by today – but it's not. Today is real and the love of her life betrayed her.

A lone tear falls down Tara's cheek and splashes down onto the carpet below. She takes a deep breath and shudders silently as she grabs the handle to the wardrobe and pulls it open. Wafting out of the wardrobe is the aroma of her lover – former lover – and it lingers around her nostril, once the smell of roses and happiness now stale and repugnant.

'_How could she have done this to me?' _Tara asks herself repeatedly as she takes one of her sweaters off its hanger and folds it neatly into a cardboard box. Questions bounce around unanswered as the wardrobe begins to look bare and the box full and weighty. Done. The wardrobe is empty of all Tara's belongings and she makes her way over to the chest of drawers. Sitting on top of the chest of drawers is a silver photo frame inside a picture of Willow and Tara on the night of Tara's twentieth birthday at the Bronze. Tara's sighs loudly, remember that night as clear as day, the night that she realized she was going to be with this woman for the rest of her life – oh how wrong she was. Tara stares at the photo one last time before placing the frame face down, unable to face the woman who broke her heart, the woman who betrayed not only her trust but also her mind. Tara opens the top drawer and finds a few of her shirts but her eye catches onto something, one of Willow's blue sweaters. On the morning that Joyce died Willow was searching high and low for it, distraught that she couldn't find it anywhere. So delicate and fragile in a time of crisis and great sorrow, '_what changed so much?'_ Tara asks herself as she begins to empty the other two drawers from her belongings, removing herself from Willow's life. Another cardboard box filled up and another place emptied of her. Tara looks around the room once more, careful not to forget anything behind. She spots one of her ornaments on the windowsill and packs it snug in one of the boxes. Empty – the room devoid of ever telling she was there. She picks up one of the boxes and take it downstairs onto the front porch. Xander should be here soon to help move Tara back into one of the dorms at UC Sunnydale, where she will live once again. She leaves the box on the front porch and makes her way back upstairs to grab the rest of her belongings from her former room. On her way down something catches Tara's eye, Willow. She is sitting on the floor of the bathroom her eyes looking into oblivion, sorrow and self resentment on her face and tears in her eyes. Tara turns and walks down the stairs to the front door and out onto the porch and stacks the box on to p the other one.

Dawn leans against the pillar, her arms folded in dismay as Tara looks at her apologetically, approaching for a hug, however; Dawn bolts inside angry and upset and races up the stairs and out of sight, leaving Tara alone. There is a sound of an engine coming down the street and Tara's can see Xander's car pull up just outside the house. Xander exits the car and heads up to the porch to meet Tara. There are no words exchanged between the two as they both pick up a box and head back over to the car. Xander reaches the car and places the box in the trunk as Tara walks slowly down the path, once she reaches the car she stares back longingly at the house making it last as long as possible, she looks away and places the box in the trunk.

Tara walks over to the passenger side and opens the door, taking a last look at the house before she enters the car. '_Goodbye'_ she thinks as Xander pulls off and drives down the street. '_Goodbye to you.'_

* * *

><p>"Tara?" Willow enquires staring down at me through worried eyes.<p>

I feel dizzy and confused and my head rings in my ears, my back against the hardwood floors. I had collapsed – again.

"Sorry," I apologize. "Just went for a little trip," I continue with a smile.

"Tara – " Willow utters, her voice about to crack.

"I'm fine, really, sweetie. I'm fine," I reply trying to get to a sitting position on the floor.

"Maybe – Maybe you should sit there for a while. Maybe I should call the hospital –"

"No!" I almost shout. "No, I'm fine. Really. I will go up and have a rest in the bed for a little while," I murmur trying to reassure Willow, not wanting to go back to the hospital so soon. If a minute in the house can cause me to remember a memory – no matter how bad it is – how many memory can I remember in this house?

I can see the worry embedded on Willow's face, but as much as I want to make her happy, I do not want to go back – not yet.

Dawn offers me one of her hands and helps me clamber to my feet. The world spins slowly into motion again and I take to the stairs, walking up slowly. When I reach the top, I stop.

"Where – Which one?" I ask staring down the corridor and then down the stairs at Willow and Dawn.

Willow looks up to me and then back at Dawn. "Dawnie, can you get Tara a glass of water, please?"

"Sure," Dawn replies going back into the room the came out of.

Willow ascends the stairs and meets me at the top. "Well, our bedroom is just in here," Willow states leading me to a large and familiar room, I had just been here – in my head anyway.

I peer over at the chest of drawers, the silver photo frame still there. I walk over to it and pick it up, examining it closely. "I loved you so much," I whisper inaudibly.

"Sorry, sweetie, I didn't quite catch that," Willow walks up beside me caressing my upper arm.

I move away from her touch, still moved by the memory of leaving still vibrant in my mind. I avoid eye contact, but I can feel Willow's eyes pressing down on me.

"Tara, are you okay, Baby?" She asks concerned.

I look at Willow, my eyes stern. "Honestly – I'm not sure," I state truthfully. "I think I am beginning to get some memories back."

"Oh, that's great – isn't it?" Willow enthusiastically retorts.

I scoff at Willow and avoid eye contact again afraid to get angry at her.

Willow sees my face and gets the hint. "What sort of memories?" She asks mellower.

"I left – I didn't want to, but I left you," I speak glaring back at Willow. "Why would I do that?" I ask, my eyes locked onto hers wanting an honest answer.

"Magic," Willow simply states. "I was obsessed with magic, so you left."

I look at Willow in disbelief, what is she saying?

"But you came back. I cut down on my magic and we became friends and then you came back," Willow expresses trying to reassure me, her eyes threatening to spill with tears again.

"I came back?" I press trying to restore confidence within Willow.

"Yes, two days before you got shot. You came back and we – we –"

"We what?" I snap demandingly.

"We made love," Willow exclaims grabbing my hand. "It was the best night of my life."

I pull my hand away from her grasp. "I can't, not now," I utter as I feel my eyes begin to fill with tears.

Willow stares at me through watery eyes, "What is it, Baby?"

I stare back at Willow, my eyebrows furrowed together. "I think I made a mistake coming back here," I assert making my way over to the bed and I sit down.

Willow rushes over and kneels in front of me. "You don't mean that – you – you just need a little time a settle in," Willow sobs.

Her face is tightly clenched trying to stem the flow of tears that are making their way down her cheeks, her eyebrows knitted together, tears spilling off her face."You don't mean it, please Baby. Don't go. Don't leave me." Willow cries hysterically. Her face falls into my lap and she hugs my legs, sobbing loudly.

As angry as I may have been, seeing Willow like this evaporates all anger inside of me as my hands caress her silky hair – whilst she releases wave after wave of tears.

I continue to stroke Willow's hair for five minutes, after that time Willow takes her head out of my lap and leans back onto her knees. I take my hand and cup her chin, lifting till out eyes meet.

"I'm not going anywhere. Not yet anyway," I state. "I care about you, I just need to figure a few things out first, okay?"

Willow nods her head in understanding, and looks deep into my eyes. I grab one of her hands and place it against my lips. "I just need you to do one thing for me, just for a little while whilst I figure things out," I request.

"Anything," Willow utters, stroking my face gently with pad of her thumb.

"Sleep on the couch for a little while, please?" I testify.

I can see her face and heart fall at this request. She gets to her feet and wipes her eyes dry with the back of her hand. "I'm going to make dinner." She states as she heads over to the door.

"Willow?" I whine out loud.

She turns to look at me, hurt on her face.

"I'm sorry," Is all that I manage to articulate with a half pained expression.

Willow acknowledges my apology with a nod and exits the room, leaving the door slightly ajar. I hear her descend the stairs and the consequences of the moment catches up with me. _'What have I done?'_

I am about to let the better of my emotion consume me when I hear movement out in the hallway that stops me. I hear footsteps approaching the door and Dawn enters with a glass of water. I let out a sigh of relief, afraid to start up round two with Willow.

"Hey, Dawnie," I greet, trying to mask my emotions with a smile.

"Hey," Dawn quickly replies squeamishly as she hands me the glass of water.

I place the water on the bedside table and I look back at Dawn. "What's the matter, Dawn?" I ask, concerned for the brunette.

"Are you breaking up again?" She asks, her fingers nervously entwined.

"No, sweetie. I just remembered a memory I didn't really like, I took it out on Willow. I'm sorry."

"It's just that it sounded like before, when you left," Dawn states remembering.

"Dawn I need to ask you something, seeing as my memory is a little peaky at the moment; can you tell me something just to clear it up?" I inquire looking deeply at the teenager.

"Sure, what do you need to know?" Dawn agrees with the intent to help.

"I did come back, didn't I? I mean before, when I left Willow, I did come back?"

"You came back," Dawn states straight away.

I let out a sigh of relief and Dawn can see this.

"Willow got better and you got back together, we were all happy again," Dawn reposes. "And then you got shot and everything happened."

"Thank you," Is all that I manage as I recap my last argument with Willow in my head.

"Do you remember it?" Dawn asks intrigued.

"Remember what?" I ask, unclear about the direction of Dawn's question.

"The break-up, do you remember it?" Dawn states boldly.

I furrow my eyebrows together. "No, just leaving. I brought my boxes down on the porch and Willow was sat in the bathroom. I went to give you a hug but you stormed off upstairs."

Dawn pushes her hair behind her ear, "I remember," she murmurs. "I was hurt. You and Willow were – are so perfect for each other. It upset me to see you two split up. Willow was sat in the bathroom staring at the wall all night till morning, I was afraid she was broken."

I look at Dawn, the young teenager clearly matured by all the events that had happened in such a short time in her life.

"I have a question, how come you remember me?" Dawn questions, a quizzing expression on her face.

"I could never forget you, Dawnie," I utter reassuringly.

"But you forgot Willow?" She asks me truthfully.

"For a moment, but I knew that she was special and when I looked into her eyes I knew deep down that there was something strong between that pulled us together," I honestly respond.

"It's kinda' romantic isn't it, even when you have no idea who she is, you still have feelings for her," Dawn states happily with a smile on her face.

"Yes, I suppose it is. Hey Dawnie, can you do something for me?"

"Sure, what is it?" Dawn says, absorbed by the task at hand.

"Can you go grab me my bag from downstairs? I want to change into something a little more comfortable for a quick nap."

"I'll be right back," She announces almost running out of the room.

I hear a loud thump of footsteps going down the stairs and brief silence before another loud thump of footsteps getting gradually closer. Dawn enters the room panting heavily and hands me my bag.

"Thanks, Dawnie," I thank as I grab the bag off her.

"No problem, I'll see you at dinner?"

"Sure, come and wake me when it is ready?" I insist.

"Tara?" Dawn looks at me solemnly.

"Yeah?" I look back at her.

"I'm glad you are back," Dawn replied full of solidarity.

"Me too," I say trying to convince myself.

Dawn smiles at this and gives me a small wave, I hold my hand up and she exits the room smiling to herself; closing the door behind her. Leaving me alone.

My eyes feel heavy and even though it is early afternoon I feel I am ready for a good nights sleep, but I ignore the need to sleep and rake through my bag; one thing in mind – my diary. I find it at the bottom and I pull it out, flipping to the front page where all the pictures are pasted in. I smile at myself, happy and content with my friend and lover. I take a last look at the the photos and I flick to my next diary entry. I has been a while since I last had the courage to look at it, afraid what's inside, but right now I need some questions answered. I begin to read…

_Dear Mom,_

_ ,Relationships seem to be just falling apart around me. I mean, two people who seem happily in love and destined to be together, and then it just falls apart. Buffy and Riley were so great together but everything changed and now Buffy is alone. I hate myself for even thinking it – but is this how me and Willow are going to end? Things just slipping away, and the constant use of magic?_

_Words can't really justify how much I love Willow, she makes me whole as a person and can make me forget about where I came from. I cannot remember a time before I had Willow, and I don't think I ever want to._

_At the same time as loving her, I hate her too. Hate is such a strong and powerful word, but magic is beginning to consume her body and wonderful mind. We did a spell on Glory and it worked fine, however; it completely wiped her out. I couldn't stand seeing her so weak, and it's only getting worse. I fear that one day the magic will become more important then me, and I won't be there to see that happen._

_ Thank you for listening, mom, I love you._

I look up from the diary, tears in my eyes. The break-up was a long time coming – the magic, what if it happens again…

I place the diary under my pillow and pull the covers up over me; I close my eyes and drift into the world of unconscious sleep…

* * *

><p><strong>AC: Many, Many, Many thanks to the wonderful Gimpy72, whom has helped me exponentially over the past couple of days <strong>

**AC+1: Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter and ya'll had a good christmas and new year. As I promised I offered an ass whooping of a chapter for you, and I hopefully made it. I hope to update again shortly, sorry for the inactive-ness :) **

**PS: PLEASE REVIEW, I REALLY WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU GUYS THINK!**


	19. Mind over matter

Tara opens her eyes and looks around the room, everything covered in the dark veil of night. She climbs out of bed and leaves the room, making her way downstairs to get a glass of water. At the bottom of the stairs she looks across to her right and sat on the couch she sees Willow; next to her are sheets and a blanket. Soundlessly, Tara walks into the living room; Willow concentrating on the darkness in front of her fails to notice her appearance. Tara looks over at the wall behind her and turns on the main light, snapping Willow to life instantly.

"Hey," Willow utters.

"Hey," Tara replies softly. "You didn't wake me for dinner," She adds standing looking at Willow.

Willow looks up at Tara, her eyes heavy and full of tiredness. "I didn't want to wake you," Willow says looking at the space next to her and then moves the bedding onto the floor, patting the spot next to her.

Tara walks over to the couch and sits down in the space. Once she is sat down she grabs one of Willow's hands with one of her own and holds it gently. "Why are you awake?" Tara enquires looking at Willow.

"Just can't sleep like I used to, I guess. Everything has changed," Willow mutters looking at the floor.

"Me?" Tara asks wanting an honest response from Willow.

Willow begins to shake her head then proceeds to nod slowly.

"I know," Tara murmurs. "I'm sorry. For everything."

Willow lifts her gaze from the floor up to meet Tara's eyes. "I get nightmares." Willow states brashly. "You die and I kill someone..." Willow whispers. "And what's worse, you're not there when I wake up."

Tara takes the pad of her thumb and rubs the back of Willow's hand comfortingly.

"I – I don't want to kill someone, not when you – not when you die,"

"Shh – Shh, don't be silly, Willow. That won't happen, you can be strong. You're my Amazon, remember?" Tara says soothingly giving Willow's hand a reassuring squeeze. With her free hand Tara begins to caress Willow's upper arm, trying to soothe the redhead sat before her.

Willow stares at Tara deeply, her expression changed, her eyes wild. Willow leans in and brushes her lips against Tara's briefly before leaning back to admire her. They both gaze at each other, breathes becoming heavy, heart's pumping. They both lean in closer and closer with every breath until their faces almost touch, both mouthing each other's cheek, ear, neck – before Willow gives in and kisses Tara on the mouth, deeply and full of passion. Willow brings her hands up to Tara's face and places them either side, deepening the kiss.

Tara takes her hands up to Willow's hair and entwines her fingers gently, taking her lips from Willow's and placing small butterfly kisses across her jaw and down to the nape of her neck and then stops. Tara pulls away, slowly gets to her feet, and walks over to the stairs.

Willow peers on in disbelief and defeat, afraid to see Tara disappear up the stairs, the smile fallen off her face as she turns away, pain held on her face and in her heart.

When Tara reaches the stairs she turns to face Willow, offering a hand and a come-hither look, only to see her lover turned away and uninterested. Tara walks back over to Willow and leans down to her ear. "Come upstairs with me," She whispers sensually, sending shivers up Willow's spine as Tara grabs one of her hands and pulls it till Willow is up on her feet. They exchange a lasting kill before slowly making their way upstairs...

* * *

><p>Tara opens her eyes, a huge grin plastered on her face as the light beams through the windows and the birds sing their happy song outside. She closes her eyes again and rolls onto her back, remembering the night before, it was – sensational, like nothing before. <em>Willow<em>.

Tara stretches an arm out next to her in hope to pull Willow in close to her; instead all she feels is an empty, cold bed. She turn her head around to look but all is confirmed – no Willow.

'_Had she felt embarrassed after last night? Was she ashamed?' _Tara asks herself wondering why her lover was not in bed with her.

Tara pulls the covers off her and sits up, still fully clothed as she was the day before – strange. She gets up and heads downstairs. When she hits the bottom of the stairs she peers into the living room to see the couch made up with sheets and blankets. No sign of Willow.

She wanders through the living room into the kitchen where she finds Willow standing at the sink and she lets out a sigh of relief at the vision of the redheaded beauty before her. Willow stands at the sink staring out the window at nothing outside, captured within her mind.

Tara walks up quietly behind Willow and wraps her arms around her waist, leaning her head on Willow's shoulder.

Willow stands silently, absorbing it all in, living the moment that her girlfriend actually wants to hold her close.

"Good morning, sweetie," Tara states kissing the nape of Willow's neck.

"Good morning to you too, baby. You feeling better?" Willow asks turning around to face Tara, her arms traipsing off Tara's shoulders.

"After last night, I am feeling much better. I've never felt anything so exhilarating in my life, thank you." Tara replies placing a kiss on Willow's neck.

Willow looks back at Tara her eye brows raised. "You're thanking me for an argument?" She asks confused, stepping back from Tara's touch.

"No, silly. Last night, when I came down to apologise and then we made up..." Tara states matter of factly.

"Last night? You've been asleep nearly sixteen hours. You made me angry and I stormed out..." Willow recites shaking her head.

"No-No, I felt bad for what I said so I apologised and then we started kissing, it got heated so I invited you upstairs... and you did," Tara insists angrily.

"Tara, are you feeling okay, sweetie?" Willow asks concerned for the blondes wellbeing as she places a tender kiss on her forehead. "You feel a little warm, do you want some water?"

Tara looks at Willow, her face full of sadness and her eyes tearing up. "It – It happened, we were together. It was special – you were amazing. We worked it out," Tara nearly screams breaking down in tears.

"Tara, sweetie." Willow exclaims. "You need to calm down."

From sorrow Tara's face turns to anger as her eyes transform into rage and her face turns red. "Liar!" Tara screeches loudly. "Liar!" She repeats, hatred sparked in her eyes as a stranger possess her soul. Tara looks around the room and grabs a large kitchen knife from the rack. "It happened, it was real!" She roars threatening Willow with the knife.

Willow peers at Tara, terror in her heart as her lover is hijacked by the tumour in her brain, threatening her with a knife. She takes a deep breath and thinks it through, trying to get out of this situation as safely as possible.

Willow takes a step towards Tara, keeping careful eye on the knife out of the corner of her eye.

Willow carefully takes her hand up to under Tara chin and pushes it up so that they are looking into one and others eyes. "It was real, baby, c'mon now," Willow lies, placing a reassuring kiss on Tara's lips. "See, all better!" Willow continues. "Why don't we go upstairs and lay down for a bit, just the two of us, what do you say?"

Tara nods her head slowly, giving Willow a half smile.

Willow carefully grabs the knife from Tara and put it back in its rack. "You head up and I'll get you a glass of water, try to get that fever down," Willow says with a smile that doesn't meet her eyes.

"Okay," Tara says walking out of the kitchen.

Willow faces the sink, grabs a glass out of the cupboard and fills it with water. In the draw next to the sink she pulls out a pot of pills and places one in the water.

"Sorry, baby." Willow whispers to herself as the pill dissolves into the water.

Once the tablet has completely dissolved into the water and there is no evidence of it left Willow heads upstairs to meet Tara.

She enters the bedroom and finds Tara sat on the bed awaiting her arrival.

She hands Tara the glad of water. "Drink up, sweetie," She adds with a smile.

Tara downs the glass of water and wipes her mouth on the back of her hand. She then crawls into bed, patting the other side of the bed for Willow.

Willow takes a deep breath and gets into bed, crawling up behind Tara she wraps her arms around her and kisses her on the neck. "I love you baby," Willow whispers.

"I – I" Is all Tara manages to say before trailing off as she submits to the sleeping pill.

A tear falls off Willow's cheek and lands on the pillow bellow. "I'm so sorry, baby." She sighs as she places a soft kiss on Tara's cheek.

Willow gently pulls her arm from underneath Tara's sleeping body and gets up from the bed, looking over her shoulder at Tara's sleeping form before exiting the room. Willow quickly rushes downstairs and picks up the phone from the hook and types a number in.

"Dr Bellsome, It's Willow –"

"She had her first episode; I had to tranquilise her –"

"Yeah, I understand. She threatened me with a knife –"

"Yeah, yeah, okay –"

"No – No! I want to keep her here with me; it's what she wants –"

"Well, if she tries to hurt anyone else I will bring her back – yes – yes –"

"She just want to die at home, you understand that –"

"No, she is not a psycho, she's just ill – I got to go –" Willow puts the phone back on the hook, everything rushing around, her head overwhelmed. She falls to her knees, her head in her hands as she fails to keep her emotions locked away any longer and crumples into herself as she hysterically cries.

* * *

><p><strong>AC: Many, Many, Many thanks to the wonderful Gimpy72, whom - as always - is keeping me going!<strong>

**AC+1: **_Hey all, sorry it's a short chapter, but I promise to update a more significant one shortly, it's already in the works!_****

**PS: Thank you to all those who review and follow this story, you all give me the inspiration to carry on!**


	20. Scarred Love

Tara opens her eyes, her head throbbing in her ears and she feels groggy. The sun is high in the sky as afternoon approaches. She stretches her shoulders out and yawns loudly as she gets out of bed. She sniffs the air, expecting it to be filled with the scent of dinner being cooked – nothing. Confused she exits the room and takes to the stairs.

Once downstairs Tara looks around, first the living room then back into the dining room before passing through to the kitchen where she finds Willow.

"Hey," Tara greets walking towards Willow."

"Hey," Willow replies, keeping her distance from Tara.

Tara gets the hint and stops. "I'm sorry about earlier, I was a little touchy. Everything that has happened, I just don't know what to trust anymore."

Willow looks over at Tara in silence.

"I mean, it's not like I wanted to think that you took advantage of me, but the last thing I remember is leaving you. I don't want to be the kind of person that thinks the worst of everybody – I'm just trying to understand it all," Tara add stepping into Willow. "I'm sorry. I want to trust you."

"It's okay," Willow states. "I need to accept that there are some changes that you need to adjust to, and you can do it on your own accord. I just miss you," Willow utters truthfully.

"I miss you too," Tara exclaims, stepping closer to Willow till she is stood in front of her. "I'm sorry," She whispers inviting Willow in for an embrace.

Willow opens her arms and holds Tara tightly, afraid to let go of this moment. She nuzzles her nose against Tara's neck and places a small kiss on it. She then moves her lips back up to meet Tara's again, capturing them with her own briefly. "You want some lunch?" She asks looking at Tara.

"What happened to dinner?" Tara enquires confused.

"Dinner?" Willow question a raising an sceptical eyebrow.

"Yeah, when I went up to have nap and we argued, you said you were going to make dinner. I asked Dawn to wake me." Tara states matter of factly.

"Last night?" Willow asks.

"No – earlier, we came in from the hospital and I went upstairs for a nap..."

Willow peers at Tara, her eyes wide in disbelief. "Tara, sweetie, that was yesterday," She adds gently, placing a comforting hand on Tara's shoulder.

"I've been asleep for nearly a day?" Tara questions with a worried look on her face.

"Well, you did wake up earlier, but you weren't yourself so you went back to bed..."

"Weren't myself?" Tara quizzes.

"You got angry and started shouting at me and –" Willow trails off, leaving the most significant part off.

"And - ? What else?" Tara presses, knowing Willow is hiding something from her.

"It's nothing to worry about," Willow says trying to reassure Tara.

"Well, then it won't hurt me to know, will it?" Tara insists looking at Willow intently.

Willow debates her options. "You pulled a knife on me," She simply states making no deal of it.

"It's nothing to worry about?!" Tara shouts erratically. "I could have hurt you – No, I could have killed you!" Tara adds pacing the kitchen.

"But you didn't," Willow says softly trying to soothe Tara.

"But I could have!" Tara shouts angrily back at Willow still pacing the kitchen.

Willow walks up to Tara and holds her arms out to stop her from pacing, looking deep into her eyes. "But you didn't."

Tara wraps her arms around Willow and holds her tightly, stroking her back with her hands. "I'm sorry," Tara whispers into Willow's ear.

"There's nothing to be sorry about, okay?" Willow says reassuringly, stroking Tara's hair. "Now, how about that lunch?"

Tara looks Willow and smiles softly, nodding her head.

"What do you want?" Willow asks opening the fridge and peering inside. "We've got – lumpy milk," Willow states and takes the carton of milk out of the fridge and puts it onto the counter. "Mouldy cheese, and beef so old it would probably kill you. Oh the choices!"

Tara smiles at this and dumps the carton of lumpy milk into the trash, along with the cheese and the hazardous beef.

"Sorry, how about we go out into the town for a quick bite?" Willow asks enthusiastically.

"I-I don't know," Tara nervously stammers.

Willow walks up next to Tara and caresses the top of her arm. "Not feeling well, baby?"

"No – I feel f-fine. W-What if I remember something else –" Tara states nervously.

"Remembering is good, you shouldn't be afraid to remember," Willow reassures.

"What if I remember something b-bad...?" Tara adds looking at Willow full of worry.

"I don't think anything bad has actually happened in town itself. Just remember for one bad memory there are ten good ones waiting to be discovered." Willow says placing a small kiss on Tara's mouth.

"Okay," Tara states. "Let's go to town."

"So, it's a date!" Willow shouts boldly.

Tara's cheeks flash with colour, her inner child surfacing. "I-I-I g-guess so," She stammers smiling.

"Let me get my jacket from upstairs," Willow utters closing her eyes and whispering something inaudible. Not a second later does a black jacket appear on the counter.

"Willow!" Tara shouts in shock and disbelief. "After everything!"

"I'm sorry, baby!" Willow tries to apologise moving close to Tara.

"No," Tara mutters. "NO!" She repeats sternly. "I trusted you, I thought you had changed!"

"I have changed, baby. It was stupid of me. I made a relapse in judgement. I'll put it back. I'm sorry!" Willow whimpers looking at Tara apologetically. "I'm sorry, baby. Please forgive me."

Tara shakes her head. "I trusted you!" She repeats.

"Please, baby! It will never happen again, I promise you," Willow pleads.

Tara glances at Willow her eyes cold her face stern. She breathes in and closes her eyes before letting out her breath. She opens her eyes again, they are warmer and her face lifts. "If you betray my trust again, I will leave and you will never see me again – is that understood," Tara retorts looking at Willow.

"But –"

"Is that understood?" Tara interrupts demandingly.

"Yes –" Willow utters caving in. "I understand."

"Good. I am going to go upstairs, shower, change and then we can go out," Tara dominantly states, a pit in her stomach from Willow's use of magic.

"Okay," Willow murmurs back, stunned and ashamed of herself.

Tara heads out of the kitchen door.

"Tara?" Willow asks after her.

Tara turns around, disappointment on her face.

"I love you," Willow states confidently.

Tara's eyebrows furrow together as though thinking of something to say, instead; she turns her back and shrugs her shoulders before walking down the hallway.

* * *

><p>Thirty minutes pass by; Willow sits on the couch recapping everything that has happened. Her girlfriend threatens her with a knife; she then drugs her girlfriend, then her girlfriend wakes up hours later with no recollection of anything happening. <em>"What a great day it has panned out to be so far..." <em>Willow thinks to herself. Her eyes begin to moisten but she slams the heel of her hand into her eyes and takes a long, deep breath through her nose as she hears footfalls coming down the stairs. She takes her hands away from her eyes and get gets to her feet.

Tara walks down the stairs, her blonde hair swept behind one of her ears – a pink hair clip holding it in place – whilst the other side dangles freely beside her face. She has little make-up on but what she does wear accentuates her piercing blue eyes. She wears a fitted shirt in the style of a corset and a pair of black pants with black boots. The style of shirt shows off her curvaceous body and the low front shows the top of her breasts.

Willow ogles Tara as she walks down the stairs, taken aback by the beauty before her. "Wow, you're beautiful," Willow whispers breathlessly. "I mean, it's not that you're not beautiful normally, because you are – just wow." Willow adds babbling.

"It's not too much, then?" Tara asks nervously tugging at the bottom of her shirt.

"Too much? – It's wonderful –" Willow replies admiring Tara's ensemble. "You're wonderful." She continues as she slips an arm around Tara's waist, placing a soft kiss on her lips.

"Thank you," Tara replies looking into Willow's eyes, noticing the redness of them. "Are you okay?" She says taking a hand to Willow's cheek.

"I am now, everything's great – no, everything's wonderful. You're here looking – magical." Willow explains with a smile grabbing one of Tara's hands and bringing it to her lips.

Tara looks at Willow, loved fuelled in her heart and passion in her soul. Nothing else was going to spoil today, she just knew it.

Willow and Tara take a slow stroll into town – hand in hand the entire time, talking and amusing one and other like all is right again.

Once they reach the centre of Town Tara looks around recognising her familiar surroundings. She looks at the coffee shop and peers at Willow. "There, I want to eat lunch in there."

"Okay," Willow states. They enter the coffee shop and sit down at a spare table.

"I know what you have, sit here, I'll be right back," Willow says looking at Tara giving her a beaming smile before she gets up from the chair and makes her way over to the counter.

In the queue Willow keeps peering back at Tara and giving her a teasing smile, as though on a first date again. Willow pays for their food and drinks and carries a tray with two cappuccinos over to the table.

"Didn't miss me too much I hope," Willow teases giving Tara her coffee.

Tara's face becomes serious as her eyes look into Willows, "Always," She whispers grabbing one of Willow's hands, giving it s teasing squeeze.

Willow cant hep but smile at this as a flash of colour creeps onto her cheeks the colour of her hair.

They sit down soundlessly, just admiring one and other as they stare lustrously into each others eyes.

A barrister walks up to the table, two places in hand. "So, I have a turkey, lettuce and mayo sub," He states looking between the two girls.

"That's mine," Willow states raising a hand.

"And a turkey, ham, mayo sub with lettuce, tomato and cucumber," the barrister announces placing the plate down in front of Tara.

"Thank you," both girls utter in unison before the barrister departs.

Tara looks down at the sub-roll in front of her and her stomach growls fiercely– not eating 24 hours can do that to you. She picks up half the sandwich and brings it to her mouth, taking a large bite out of it. The flavour tantalises her taste buds as the mayo moistens the turkey and the roll, with the coolness of the lettuce, she lets out a content 'mmm' as she swallows her first bite.

Willow swallows what she has in her mouth and licks her lips, smiling at Tara, "Nice?" She asks.

"Amazing!" Tara replies. "Almost orgasmic," She says in a deeper voice leaning into Willow with a cunning smile on her lips. .

Willow raises her eyebrows in shock. "Trying to turn me on?" She replies with a half excited smile.

"No, I'm saving that for later," Tara replies with a wink.

Willow looks at Tara, shocked and amazed by what Tara is hinting at.

Tara lets the moment pass as she takes another bite out of her heavenly sandwich.

Willow stays looking intently at Tara, not sure whether to accept the affection with open arms or to back away slowly, afraid to be scalded again.

"Something I said?" Tara enquires, looking back worryingly at Willow.

Focusing on Tara's face, Willow thinks of the perfect response. "No, just thinking how lucky I am to have you," she states through half a smile.

Tara looks back at Willow and grabs one of her hands gently, giving it a squeeze of appreciation.

From across the shop Tara notices a woman staring at her, although not directly into her eyes. She turns away and tries to ignore the feeling of a pair of eyes bearing down onto her. She self consciously looks at Willow. "Have I got something on my face or something?" She asks wiping her mouth with the back of her hand.

"No, you're prefect, why?" Willow asks stroking the back of Tara's hand with her thumb.

"Don't look, but a woman behind you is staring at me," Tara whispers, avoiding moving her lips as much as possible.

Involuntarily Willow turns around to look at the woman, who alerts her attention to something else away from Tara's direction.

"I said not to look!" Tara testifies.

"People need to know it is not right to sit and stare at people with scars – especially when they are so beautiful and radiant such as you," Willow denotes with a smile.

"Hold on," Tara announces abruptly. "What scar?"

"You had brain surgery nearly two weeks ago, remember," Willow says soothingly.

Tara brings her hands up to her hair line where she feels her wound starting to heal. Her eyebrows knit together in confusion, why hadn't she been aware of it earlier whilst she was getting ready. She gets to her feet and glares at the woman who was stating at her – who turns her attention back to Tara. A fury fuels inside Tara. "Have you never seen a woman with a brain tumour before!?" She shouts irately before taking off in the direction of the bathroom.

Willow looks over to the woman behind her who has puzzlement written across her face. she gets to her feet and rushes to the bathroom, following Tara.

Upon entering the bathroom Willow hears sobbing coming from one of the stalls. She walks over to it and knocks on the door.

"Go away!" A voice screams from the other side of the door.

"Baby, it's Willow," Willow affirms.

"You shouldn't have to see me – like this!" Tara shouts back.

"Like what, sweetie?" Willow asks unsure of Tara's meaning.

There is a loud metal clanging as the door unlocks from the inside and open slowly.

Sat down on the closed toilet seat Tara looks up at Willow, her mascara and make-up running down her face. "Like this, Tara exclaims quietly.

Willow gets down on her knees in front of Tara, placing her hands either side of Tara's face. "Hey now," Willow whispers calmly. "What's this about?"

"'I-I-I'm u-ugly! Th-Th-This h-h-horrible sc-scar. P-P-People st-staring at m-m-me. I-I-It's b-big and u-u-ugly," Tara stammers through her sobs.

"Shh-Shh –" Willow eases bringing Tara into her arms.

The blonde cries into Willow's arms, grabbing handfuls of Willow's shirt to make sure that she was still there.

Willow strokes Tara's back reassuringly, fighting back her own tears at the thought of her girlfriend thinking so less of herself. "You're beautiful –" She whispers into Tara's ears. "You're strong, and you are beautiful – and what's more, you're all mine," Willow murmurs a lone tear falling from her cheek as she kisses the side of Tara's head.

Tara pulls her head back from Willow's embrace and looks at Willow sadly, her eyebrows furrowed, the corners of her mouth trembling.

Willow places a soft kiss on Tara's forehead and then moves her lips down to meet Tara's. Willow leans back and wipes Tara's tears away with her thumb. "I love you," She announces softly.

Tara looks at Willow, unsure about most in this world, but sure about one thing. "I love you too," she replies, stealing a kiss from Willow's lips.

"Let's clean up that pretty face and finish our lunch, what do you say?" Willow states tossing Tara a sweet smile.

Tara looks at Willow and gives her a nervous smile before nodding her head.

Willow pulls some toilet roll from the holder and dampens the tissue in the sink. She passes the damp tissue to Tara and she places it over her eyes, trying to settle the redness.

After a couple of minutes Tara gets to her feet and walks over to the mirror. She sees in her reflection that her make-up has run so she damps another piece of tissue and wipes away the last of her emotions.

Willow walks up behind Tara and wraps her arms around her waist, holding her tightly she whispers something into her ear.

Tara looks at Willow through the mirror lustrously and gives half a cunning smile before turning round to embrace Willow. "Thank you," She speaks softly.

"You ready to face the world again?" Willow enquires.

"So long as I've got you by my side, I can do anything," Tara replies looking deep into Willow's eyes.

Willow gives Tara one lasting kiss before stepping towards the door and opening it for Tara. Tara takes a deep breath and exits the bathroom, walking over to her table and taking her seat. Willow follows swiftly.

Tara peers past Willow and notices that the woman had left and she releases a relieved sigh, afraid to trigger more emotions. She peers back at Willow.

Willow picks up the remainder of her sandwich and begins to eat it again. Tara copies Willow and soon they are both finished and drinking their coffee's. Once they both finish their drinks a barrister appears to collect their dirty dishes, he then comes up with two cakes – two triple chocolate muffins.

"We didn't order these," Willow states looking at the muffins then at the barrister.

"No ma'am, these are from the woman over there," He states pointing at the woman by the counter.

Tara turns around and sees the woman from the table behind Willow. Tara nods her head and holds one of her hands up in appreciation. There woman returns the gesture and exits the shop.

"Thank you," Willow thanks the barrister.

"Can I get you anything else whilst I am here?" He asks looking between the two girls.

"I'm fine, thank you," Tara utters.

"Yeah, me too, thank you," Willow states smiling at the barrister.

The barrister leaves the table and walks back to the service area. Willow grabs once of the muffins. "May as well if it's free!" She exclaims taking a large bite from the muffin.

Tara grabs the other muffin and takes a bite, the centre oozing with melted chocolate.

The two girls finish their muffins, get to their feet and leave the shop – bellies satisfied by good food – as they walk hand in hand down the street.

"Where do you want to go now?" Willow asks peering over at Tara.

Tara looks around the street. "Home," She replies complacently.

"Sure, yeah, okay. Everything's different and scary." Willow says. "Not saying that you are scared or anything, just that things are new and you not wanting to experience any bad memories."

"Willow," Tara replies soothingly giving Willow's hand a squeeze. "I'm just a little tired. "

"I pushed you – I made you walk, you had an operation on your noggin and I pushed you too hard too soon. Maybe we should stop for a while."

"Willow," Tara utters, stopping in her tracks to face Willow as she grabs her other hand. "I'm just a little tired, Will. I'll be able to walk back home, plus; we just sat down for about an hour." She adds placing a soft kiss on Willow's lips. "Okay?"

"Okay," Willow replies, turning so they can both walk down the street again, destination: home.

* * *

><p>Willow and Tara stand outside their home on Revello Drive.<p>

"Good day out?" Willow questions Tara shooting her a smile.

"Best day out," Tara replies. "Best date," she adds blushing.

"Well, I'm glad," Willow states with a smile that reaches her eyes. "Let's go home."

Willow opens the door and steps aside letting Tara enter first, once Tara has entered the house Willow follows and closes the door behind her. Tara stands on spot listening to the house. "It's quiet," She whispers.

"Its –" Willow is stopped by Tara's lips upon hers.

Tara pushes Willow into the door and presses her body against her, their lips locked together. Willow is initially taken back by this hold move, but goes along with it – kissing Tara passionately back. Tara brushes Willow's bottom lips with her tongue, pleading access into her mouth, Willow grants Tara access, greeting Tara's tongue with her own. Tara brings her hands to Willow's waistband as she moves her kisses down to Willow's neck, suckling upon her pulse point causing a purpling mark. This move causes a soft groan to escape Willow's lips. Willow gasps as Tara slides a hand down the front of her pants. Willow closes her eyes as a gasp escapes her mouth involuntarily, shocked but excited by Tara's actions as she lets her touch her so intimately.

There is a knock on the door and Tara looks up from Willow's now purple neck. Her eyes full of shame as though being caught by a parent.

"Don't worry about it," Willow whispers capturing Tara's lips with her own again.

Tara kisses back, full of power and passion, continuing to move her hand. Willow groans at this movement seductively as she thrusts her head back.

Tara begins thrusting her hand harder, causing mini convulsions to spark over Willow's body.

Both captured in the moment the world disappears around them.

Willow closes her eyes again, pleasure overwhelming her body as loud groans escape her lips.

There is a loud cough and Tara jumps away from Willow, pulling her hand out of her pants.

Both girls are red in the face as they turn to find the source of the interruption.

"Catch ya' at a bad time?" The voice asks with a half extinguished smile.

"Buffy?" Willow enquires both disappointment and excitement in her voice.

* * *

><p><strong>AC: Many thanks to the wonderful Gimpy72 for helping with this chapter, appreciate it :) <strong>

**AC+1: Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, I tried to make it a littler compared to the last chapter. And, I also hope you liked the intimate moment in this chapter too! **

**AC+2: I got a new job in a call center, but it is the happiest I have been in a good while. Life seems to be panning out for me, finally. **

**PS: PLEASE REVIEW, I REALLY WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU GUYS THINK!**


	21. Aftermath

"Buffy?" Tara repeats looking at the blonde stood in the archway separating the hallways to the dining room.

"I did knock!" Buffy defends looking between Willow and Tara. "Catch ya' at a bad time?"

"Buffy, you're back!" Willow exclaims catching up to the moment.

"Yep, I'm back," Buffy replies. "It's good to see you Tara, how are you feeling?"

"I-I-I-I'm f-f-fine," Tara stammers nervously.

"That's great! And you, Will? How are you?" Buffy enquires looking at the red-head.

"I-I'm good. So glad you're back. Did they discharge you?" Willow utters.

"Yep, the whole slayer healing helped a lot, although, I did get the flu again whilst I was in there. At least was there was no Kindestod to fight this time…" Buffy says rolling her eyes.

"Yeah, sorry I didn't visit you much," Willow announces guiltily.

"No big. You had a lot to deal with Tara and everything that has happened," Buffy exclaims shrugging her shoulders. Buffy looks across to at Tara – who is looking intently at the floor, her fingers entwined nervously.

"I caught you two kissing, there is nothing to feel ashamed about," Buffy announces. "We all know about you and Willow being gay. It's fine. I mean, it's more than fine, it's great, it's wonderful. That even after everything after has happened, you are still strong, and that's fine by me!"

Tara looks up to Buffy and gives her a shy smile. Buffy hadn't seen the full extent of her emotions and for that she was glad.

"I mean, you were only kissing, right?" Buffy enquires peering between the two girls.

Tara's face flashes brightly, her face a beetroot red as she averts her attention back to the floor, twiddling her thumbs in anxiously.

"In the hallway, really! C'mon guys, there are bedrooms for a reason! What if it was Dawn?" Buffy articulates loudly in retort, rolling her eye back seeing the embarrassment on the two girls faces.

Willow looks over at Tara to see the embarrassment on her face, so sweet and naïve. She coughs and tries to change the subject. "So, now that you are back, how about I made us all a nice dinner?" She states.

"Aw, that'll be great, Will!" Buffy replies excitedly.

"Although, I'm gonna' have to go shopping before I can do anything." Willow states. "Do you wanna' come, sweetie?" She asks looking in Tara's direction, meeting her eyes.

Tara looks deeply into Willow's eyes and shakes her head. "N-No thanks." She stammers. "I think I might have a nap."

"Okay," Willow states walking over and placing a kiss on her forehead. "I'll be back soon, get some rest, okay."

"Okay," Tara replies giving Willow a shy smile.

Willow exits the house, leaving Tara and Buffy still stood in the hallway. Tara looks at the floor then looks up at Buffy, capturing her eyes, a sense of warmth and trust within them.

"You want to talk?" Buffy asks looking at Tara, shrugging her shoulders.

Tara raises a shoulder in an attempt to shrug but proceeds to nodding her head.

Buffy walks over to the couch and sits down. Tara follows and sits next to her. "So, what do you want to know?" Buffy enquires looking into Tara's eyes.

"T-Tell me t-the l-last time you s-saw m-m-me and W-Willow t-t-together," Tara insists, her nerves in seeking the truth getting the better of her.

"Day before I – we got shot. You and Will were inseparable. I mean the break up was hard on both of you, especially Willow," Buffy states.

"How?" Tara asks, demanding more details.

"After you left, Willow went completely off the rails. She got addicted to the magic, so much so that she nearly killed Dawn. She was a junkie on the edge, and I wasn't sure if she was going to come back to us. Luckily, she knew what was happening before it was too late and put a stop to it."

"B-Because of Dawn?"

"Partly, but I know most of it was because of you. Once she started getting better you started to come around more. You obviously still loved her; she just needed to know what it was to lose someone you love." Buffy states looking at Tara solemnly. "As I said, you started coming around a lot more and you both started hanging out more. Then, three days before the shooting, you came back. I'd never seen Willow as happy as I did on that day, it was like the universe was align again and everything was right with the world." Buffy confirms.

There is a smile on Tara's face, happy to hear the story from third person.

"Does that answer your question?" Buffy affirms looking at Tara with a comforting smile.

Tara nods her head reassuringly.

"If Will had lost you – the day we got shot – I'd dare think about how she would have reacted, I mean, you're her whole world, I've never seen her love anyone more. She would have been devastated," Buffy states matter-of-factly, looking through Tara as though envisioning what could have been.

"S-She lied to me, s-s-she betrayed me," Tara utters remembering.

"She loves you, she really does. Only someone who truly cares about you would take the time to care for you, to help you try to remember."

"W-What if I don't want to remember?" Tara questions looking seriously at Buffy.

"Then I think maybe you made a mistake in choosing Willow over your father. Maybe you should have chosen an evil vindictive, vile man above someone who sees the world in you, who has a heart of gold that made mistakes. Who hasn't made mistakes; I certainly have, as have you. If you want to go, I'm not going to stop you, just know that you will leave a heartbroken Willow here in your wake, after losing you once already," Buffy states coldly, looking at Tara intently.

"I-I'm n-not going anywhere," Tara stutters determinedly.

"Good choice," Buffy retorts.

"I-I-I love W-Willow," Tara admits. "Sometimes not in here," She expresses by moving a hand to her head and pointing. "But a-always in here," She states moving the same hand to the centre of her chest.

"We love you, Tara. Dawn, me Willow, we are a family. If you ever need to talk, I'm here for you, like you were for me." Buffy explains placing a comforting hand on Tara's forearm.

"Thanks," Tara replies with an appreciative smile.

* * *

><p>"Anytime," Buffy offers, giving Tara a comforting hug.<p>

There is life the other side of the door and the front door opens. Willow enters struggling with numerous shopping bags filled with different essentials, but most importantly was the food that she was going to cook tonight. Buffy and Tara rush to her aid.

Both reach for a bag to help. "Hands up here who got shot," Willow utters looking between the two girls in all seriousness. "I got this," she adds walking through to the kitchen and dumping the bags on the side, Buffy and Tara in tow. "And, may I also remind you that you had brain operation not too long ago as well…" she finishes, placing her index finger on the tip of Tara's nose – bopping it playfully.

Buffy and Tara stare at the bags on the side. "See, now that the hard strenuous work has been done by moi, you can help me unpack – the easy job!" Willow chuckles.

Tara looks into one of the bags and pulls out a batch of eggs, peering around the kitchen and then back at the eggs in hand.

Willow spots Tara's actions and notes, "Sweetie, don't worry, me and Buffy will do it."

"No!" Tara snaps back loudly, taking both Willow and Buffy by surprise. "No – " she repeats more calmly. "I want to do it," She mutters insistent.

"Okay," Willow replies soothingly standing back from Tara. "The eggs go in the basket over there," She adds pointing to an empty metal basket shaped like a chicken.

Tara opens the box of eggs and put the half dozen into the basket, heading back to continue unpacking. Next, she picks out some herbs from the bag and peers disappointingly over at Willow who catches her expression.

Willow holds her hand up innocently, "They are just for cooking with, rosemary and chives. I promise." Willow insists, a note of honesty in her tone.

Tara looks back at Willow apologetically and continues to unpack the shopping. Eventually each bag is emptied and all the food is put into its allocated place. Tara smiles at herself, proud that she could help under the circumstances.

Willow takes a peek at her watch. "Time to cook!" She exclaims excitedly. "Buffy this meal is going to be a surprise for you. So, if you wouldn't mind vacating the kitchen it would be greatly appreciated."

"Fine," Buffy retorts throwing her arms in the air mimicking a small child. "I'll go watch TV," She finishes exiting the kitchen. "Play nice, children," She teases from the hallway.

"And you," Willow indicates stepping into Tara. "You're going to help me," She says pressing her lips against Tara's.

"Mhm, maybe we could continue where we left off from," Tara whispers seductively pressing Willow against the cupboards, placing her fingers through her belt loops.

Willow pulls away from Tara reluctantly, "I gotta' cook dinner now, sweetie." Willow states patiently, catching the disappointment on Tara's face.

"Fine," Tara retorts stepping away from Willow. "What do you want me to do?"

"Can you prepare the salad?" Willow enquires getting two chopping boards out of a cupboard, placing one on the side in front of her and the other in front of Tara.

"W-With a knife?" Tara whispers looking tentatively at the knife rack.

"I trust you, baby," Willow murmurs truthfully, looking into Tara's eyes before giving her a quick peck on the mouth.

Tara walks over to the fridge and grabs out a head of lettuce, a pack of six large tomatoes and a cucumber – placing them all next to the chopping board. She takes the lettuce out of its plastic wrap and shells the first layer of leaves off, tossing them into the garbage. She then cuts the base off and discards it into the trash too; finally, she begins to chop the lettuce into manageable pieces and places them into a large salad bowl. Next, she destalks the tomatoes before setting three aside for another day before slicing them into quarters and placing the quarters into the bowl to join the lettuce. Finally, she chops the cucumber in half and sets half aside with the remaining tomatoes for another day. She takes the remaining cucumber and removes the plastic wrap and continues to chop them into thin slices, adding it to the tomato quarters and lettuce. "Do we have any saran wrap?" She enquires peering over at Willow who is busy cutting some chicken.

"Not sure – I don't think so," Willow states peering up from her chopping board over at Tara.

Tara shrugs her shoulders and places the salad bowl into the fridge as it is. She walks up behind Willow and wraps her arms around her waist, leaning her chin on Willows shoulder.

Willow jumps surprised at Tara's touch – edgy after yesterday's event – and accidently lets the knife slips from her hand, causing it to gash her other hand. "Tara!" She shrieks angrily, completely caught off guard.

Tara pulls away from Willow and Willow turns around to apologise. Tara's eyes catch onto Willow's hand and all she sees is blood, her eyebrows knit together, guilt ridden on her face. "I'm so sorry," she sobs rushing out of the kitchen, followed by a loud clad of footsteps up the stairs.

Willow takes a deep breath and closes her eyes, resisting the urge to follow Tara. She opens her eyes and walks over to the sink to wash away the blood. Once the cut has been cleaned Willow gets the first aid kit from under the sink and bandages up her hand. She checks the chicken and luckily finds it blood-free as she continues to dice it into small chunks.

* * *

><p>An hour passes, and two pans simmer on the stove, one with water boiling with rice, and the other, Willow's chicken surprise. Willow dips a spoon into the rice and tentatively takes a taste of the boiling food. <em>Perfect!<em> Four plates have already been laid on the side by Willow and she drains the rice in the sink with a colander, serving onto the four plates. Next, Willow gives the chicken surprise a quick taste before serving on top of the rice.

"Dinner!" Willow hollers as she enters the dining room holding two plates.

Dawn rushes into the dining room and sits down at the table followed shortly by Buffy who sits down next to her sister.

"Did you see Tara?" Willow questions looking at the door.

"No, Will – I thought she was with you," Buffy states.

"She was – until she wasn't, I think I scared her," Willow announces guiltily holding up her bandaged hand.

"What happened?" Buffy requests demandingly, concerned over her friend.

"Well, I was chopping the chicken up and she came up behind me and caught me off guard, the knife slipped a cut my hand. I shouted at her. I didn't mean to, it just slipped out, so she apologised and ran upstairs without giving me chance to apologise to her," Willow admits, a look of dismay on her face. "I'm going to see if she is alright and bring her down for dinner if she is up for it."

"Yeah, she'll be fine, probably just a little shaken up," Buffy utters.

Willow sets the two plates in front of Buffy and Dawn and exits the dining room, climbing the stairs in search of Tara.

Willow raps on the bedroom door lightly, "Baby?" she exclaims turning the handle and pushing the door open. Upon looking around the room Willow's heart breaks at what lies in front of her. There, obvious to the human eye stands the wardrobe, open and empty. Willow slowly encroaches the wardrobe noticing it isn't just her mind playing tricks on her she falls to her knees, tears falling down her face. "No baby," she whimpers sorrowfully.

From behind Willow Tara opens the bathroom door and rushes to Willow's aid. "Will, baby. What's wrong?" She utters softly, embracing Willow's crumpled form.

"T-Tara?" Willow enquires peering up at Tara. "Tara!" She exclaims, the sadness replaced by pure elation, her frown replaced with a smile.

Tara gets down to her knees and wipes away Willow's tear with her thumb. "What – What ha-happened?" She solicits soothingly.

"I-I saw the wardrobe empty. A-And –"Willow replies, afraid to utter her last words.

"A-And you thought I left," Tara adds continuing on for Willow, reading her mind. "See, now that is where you are a doofus. I'm not leaving you, I'm just having a wardrobe malfunction."

"R-Really?" Willow asks her eyes full of relief.

"I wanted to wear something n-nice for dinner –"

"Anything you wear is great!" Willow exclaims matter-of-factly.

Tara leans in and kisses Willow, "Thank you," She adds getting to her feet and offering Willow a hand. Willow gets to her feet and looks down at her own shirt. She pulls it off over her head and discards it onto the floor.

Tara looks on, her eyes wide as they trace over Willows previously unseen features. Willow peers over to Tara who's mouth is gaping wide in astonishment as her eyes trace Willow body. "Oh, I'm sorry," Willow announces grabbing a sweater from the drawer, covering herself up.

Tara steps forward and places her hands on Willow's hips, hands upon soft skin. She latches her lips onto Willow's neck and moves her kiss down her sternum till she reaches Willow's bra, mouthing upon the fabric just above the nipple.

Willow weaves her hand through Tara's hair and releases a soft moan, making Tara's lips curve into a smile as she mouth harder.

"Willow!" Dawn shouts from downstairs.

Tara instinctively jumps back from Willow, peering at the door, a blush creeping on her face in embarrassment. Willow slips the sweater over her head and puts her arms through, smoothing it out as she puts it on. She grabs Tara's hand and gives it a reassuring squeeze. "Ready for dinner?" She asks.

Tara nods her head and walks over to the door, letting go of Willow's hand. She exits the room and descends down the stairs, Willow follows. At the bottom of the stairs Willow and Tara entwine fingers again as they walk into the dining room.

Still sat patiently with full bowls in front of them, Buffy and Dawn look on as the couple enter, eager to get started on their dinner.

"I'll grab the dinner," Willow ensures, reluctantly letting go of Tara's hand before disappearing into the kitchen and then reappearing seconds later with the two remaining dinners in hand. Placing the two bowls opposite Dawn and Buffy, Willow goes back into the kitchen and brings the salad from the fridge and sets it down in the middle of the table, preceded by her taking a seat next to Tara and opposite Buffy.

Tara places a hand on Willow's thigh, caressing it gently wanting to keep the connection between them alive even as they ate.

"So, how are you doing Tara?" Dawn asks taking a spoonful of dinner into her mouth.

"I-It's g-getting easier," Tara expresses lightly, scooping some chicken onto her spoon.

"That's great!" replies Buffy.

"We went out to town today, it was nice," Willow adds giving Tara a smile.

"A-And h-how are you, B-Buffy?" Tara enquires looking at the blonde-haired girl opposite.

"Yeah, I'm good, feeling fit and healthy. I guess it beats the alternative, again – again." Buffy responds furrowing her eyebrows together and nodding her head as though agreeing with herself.

"A-Again – Again?" Tara replies confusion in her words, still resting her hand on Willow's thigh, wanting to keep that connection alive.

"When I died, twice." Buffy utters un-phased. "But no big," She shrugs. "Will, brought me back – the second time anyway."

Tara removes her hand from Willow's thigh, denying the contact between them any longer. She puts her spoon down and stops eating, paused in her tracks she reflect deeply on Buffy's words. _'No big – Will, brought me back – the second time anyway.' _She gets to her feet. "Excuse me," she utters leaving the table abruptly.

Tara rushes up to her bedroom, angry, she feigns the temptation to chuck something against the wall, or punch it. Instead, she settles down on the bed and pulls out her diary from under her pillow.

_Dear Mom, _

_ ,Today has been endless, horrible and very emotional. Earlier this morning me and Willow got a phone call from Giles saying that Joyce (Buffy's mom) has unexpectedly passed. Buffy had found her, cold, alone. It hit everyone like a lead balloon – but most of all Willow – I'd never seen her like this before, so emotional. I didn't exactly know Joyce too well, but after a couple of Scooby meetings at Buffy's I met her, and she was just a genuinely lovely woman. _

_Seeing Willow so helpless and frail, but knowing there was nothing I could do or say to help mend her heartache, but I tried. Once we got home from the hospital she broke down, all I could do was hold her whilst she wept, but it still didn't seem enough. She ended up crying herself to sleep in my arms, but not before she made sure to call her mom, making sure she was fine and reassuring her love for her. I know how hard it is to lose a parent – I lost you. But, as living proof I know that it gets better, although it may sting every now and then. I gets better. _

_ Until next time, Tara. Xx_

_PS: Please take care of Joyce._

* * *

><p><strong>AC: Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, and sorry it took so long to update! I have been working on a new story which has consumed a lot of my spare time.<strong>

**PS: PLEASE REVIEW, I REALLY WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU GUYS THINK!**


	22. Forgiveness

**Willow POV**

Tara places her hand on my thigh and caresses it gently, the hairs on my neck standing up at the connection between us.

"So, how are you, Tara?" Dawn asks taking a large spoonful of dinner into her mouth.

"I-It's g-getting easier," Tara replies with a slight stammer, also scooping some chicken onto her spoon and into her mouth.

"That's great!" Buffy almost exclaims. I catch her eyes with mine and pass her a thankful smile.

"We went out to town today, it was nice," I state giving Tara a soft smile and with this she squeezes my thigh gently.

"A-And h-how are y-you B-B-Buffy?" Tara questions averting her attention to Buffy sat opposite.

"Yeah, I'm good, feeling fit and healthy. I guess it beats the alternative, again, again." Buffy replies knitting her eyebrows together and nodding to nobody in particular.

"Again, Again?" I hear Tara asks confusion on her face.

"When I died – twice," Buffy states matter-of-factly. "But no big," she adds with a shrug. "Will brought me back – the second time at least anyway."

I feel Tara pull her hand away from my thigh, the connection deflated between us as I look towards her, her face stern and deep in her own thought. She pushes her chair back and gets to her feet. "Excuse me," She utters. Determined not to make eye contact with anyone she turns around and heads for the stairs.

I get to my feet and am about to follow her when I feel someone grab my wrist.

"Don't," Buffy threatens, releasing her strong grip. "She wants to be alone, let her figure things out, not everything in her world is rainbows and butterflies."

I reluctantly listen to her. "She's just going to hate me more," I utter in a whine.

"Yes, but that is up to her to decide on her own. You can't just follow her every time something bad is brought up from your past. Let's face it, you have made some mistakes in the Tara department previously, she just needs to make judgement for herself." Buffy states.

"I know, I just hate not being able to do anything for her – I hate it!"

"I know," Buffy states placing a comforting hand on my shoulder. "I know," she repeats.

Buffy and Dawn finish their dinners and the room falls into silence as I push the remains of my dinner around my plate. Once dinner is finished I place Tara's dinner in the microwave and Buffy volunteers Dawn to do the washing up. I tip my wasted food into the trash and add my plate to pile of dirty dishes next to the sink. I look around, not really wanting to be in the company of anyone I retreat to the living room – the walls a burnt orange as twilight approaches – and I sit down on the sofa.

**Tara POV**

_I peer on helplessly at Willow as her mind is taken with grief, a green shirt in hand stood motionless as the news consumes her. Silence fills the room. I hear a car roll up outside and reluctantly avert my eyes from Willow. "I think they're here," I announce recognising Xander's car now double parked outside. _

_I revert my attention back to Willow. She takes a lasting look at the shirt in her hand before discarding it onto a growing pile of clothes on the bed. She walks over to her closet and pulls out a purple top, "What do you think?" She asks holding it up to herself. "Cause – Cause it's sober?" She questions herself. "No-No, it's too depressing. It's like I'm a funeral guy." Tears line her eyes and I feel useless that I can do nothing to help. "Well, this is – this is cheerier," Willow adds holding up a yellow top with a quirky picture on the front. "Maybe, I wanna' be cheery, like – like everything is normal. No, that's – that's rude, that's – that's disrespectful. LaLaLa – I don't care," She mocks tossing the two shirts to join the pile. "If I had that blue one –" She utter longingly walking over to the closet and searching again. "Joyce – Joyce really liked the blue one, she told me one time. You-You sure it's not in your room?" She asks me, determined for her blue sweater. _

"'_I-I-I can look again," I offer hopelessly. _

"_No. no I-I should, I should wear the purple," She states picking the purple shirt off the bed and gives it a once over. "The purple, I-I think the – the purple," She look over it a second time, not really convinced with her opinion. "I-It's just that it's so – I don't know. It doesn't mean something bad?" She asks turning to me. _

"_I think it's Royal. Purple means Royalty –" I reply not really helping. _

"_Well, I can't see Buffy at the morgue, and be all Royal, 'Oh, I'm the king of everything, I'm better then you'. I have to be supportive. Buffy needs me to be supportive." Willow weeps; the anguish on her face is heart-breaking as the tears roll down her cheeks. She turns towards the bed and picks up a handful of shirts. "Oh God. Why do all my shirts have to have stupid things on them? Why can't I dress like a grown up? Can't I be a grown up?" _

_I have had enough of sitting on the fence as Willow struggles; I take a step towards her and break the distance between us. "Shh," I whisper placing my hands on her upper arms, rubbing them comfortingly. _

"_Tara," She musters up a sob. _

"_Darling," I offer bringing my hands to her hair, rubbing her ears gently. _

"_I can't do this," she snivels. _

_I reach up and kiss her on the forehead before bringing my lips to her mouth, kissing her tenderly. "We can do this," I state resting my forehead against hers, my hands resting supportively on her shoulders._

"_Okay, we can be there for Buffy – and Dawn. Little Dawn," Willow cries thinking about the young teenager. _

_I nod my head reassuringly, "We can be strong," I assert. _

"_Strong like an Amazon?" Will questions. _

"_Strong like an Amazon, right," I reply with a smile. _

_The pain in her eyes is unbearable, knowing that there is really no way of soothing the sorrow to make her feel better. Feeling so guilty for not being able to hold her close and ease her pain, I would take the pain of a million deaths so that I never had to see Willow upset or hurt, the pain from watching not being able to say everything is going to be alright is insufferable…_

I wake up feeling groggy with my head pounding in my ears. I lift my head off the pillow and peer around the silent room, a glow of amber filtering through the window as the sun sets in the summer sky. I pull the covers off , clamber out of bed and stretch my arms out beside me. I see the notebook laid open on the entry about the death of Joyce – Buffy and Dawn's mom and remember the dream I had – maybe even the glimmer of a memory. Remembering back to the dream/memory my heart still breaks every time I see Willow full of sorrow and not being able to do anything about it. I breathe in deeply trying to collect my thoughts as I head off out of the bedroom about to descend the stairs.

**Willow POV**

I am sat staring off at nothing particular as my mind wanders. The only thing my mind has ever fallen to these past couple of weeks is Tara. I am so lucky to have had her in my life and I love her more than words, I would switch places with her in a heartbeat.

I fail to notice Buffy approach me as I live in my head. "Hey," I hear, my attentions brought back to reality. I look up and see Buffy stood in front of me, her hands in her back pockets. "You want to talk?" She asks lifting a questioning shoulder.

"I guess," I reply. At this Buffy takes a seat next to me.

"Okay, so how are you feeling?"

I shrug, not really sure how to explain my feelings. "I'm fine."

Buffy turns to me and I see the look on her face. "Biggest lie ever – " She states. "I know it must be really tough for you. I've been watching you and I know you hardly eat anymore and you don't get much sleep and at times I have heard to crying in the middle of the night." She adds, grabbing one of my hands and giving it a reassuring squeeze. "I'm worried about you, Will."

I try my best to avoid eye contact with her, trying and failing to keep my emotion in tow. I feel the tears spilling over my eyes, the last few days finally taking its toll, both physically and mentally draining as I fall into a chasm of emotion. I finally look at Buffy, the barrier between us buckles as I fold into her and begin to break down. "I'm going to lose the person I love most in this world," I whimper woefully, knowing that the love of my life was going to die, and soon.

**Tara POV**

I stand at the top of the stairs and stop in my tracks as I hear muffled voices coming from the living room. I silently descend the stairs and hold back before entering the room, listening to carefully who is talking.

"I know it must be really tough for you. I've been watching you and I know you hardly eat anymore and you don't get much sleep and at times I have heard to crying in the middle of the night." I hear Buffy speak from the other side of the wall. "I'm worried about you, Will." I hear the concern in her voice for her friend.

There is silence in the room for a moment before I hear someone begin to cry. "I'm going to lose the person I love most in this world." I recognise Willow's voice even through the sobs, my heart aching in my chest as I resist the urge to walk into the room and take her into my arms – I am weak to her pain.

I hear some clattering in the kitchen and I wipe a tear from my eye; I take a deep breath and quietly investigate, taking my mind away from Willow's anguish. Upon entering I see Dawn stood at the sink in a desperate attempt to wash the dishes.

"Hey," I utter in almost a hoarse whisper.

"Oh, hey Tara," Dawn replies turning on the spot and beaming me a smile. "Are you feeling okay now?"

"Yes, I am okay now thank you," I reply. "I just needed a little lie down to help clear my head. Do you need a hand?" I offer.

"I you grab a towel, can you please help dry up?" Dawn asks motioning her head towards a towel on the side next to the washboard.

I head next to Dawn and begin to dry the dishes. We're stood in silence for a moment before Dawn breaks it. "You and Willow aren't splitting up again, are you?" She asks, her hands dipped in the soapy water.

"I don't know," is all that I manage to say. "I hope not." I add.

"I've never seen two people more perfect for each other," She says grabbing a plate and scrubbing it clean. "Do you love her?" She asks turning to me.

I feign a pause. "Yes – Yes I love her, but things are a little complicated."

" – Is it because of the magic, because she has cut down loads," Dawn defends.

"No, it's not just the magic – It's others stuff too. I don't know how to describe it but every time I think about Willow my heart beats a million times a second. Every time I hear her name a circus of acrobatic butterflies perform summersaults in my stomach. Every time that I touch her skin I feel the buzz of electricity the connection between us is unlike anything I have felt in my entire life. I feel that I love her more than anything in this world –" I sigh and look back at Dawn. "But things are complicated because of my illness – I don't know if I want to let Willow, Buffy – _you _see me deteriorate from my condition. I don't think that I can allow myself."

"You – You can't go!" Dawn almost shouts angrily.

"Shh-Shh, hey. Didn't say that I was going. It's just going to be very hard watching you watch me waste away and deteriorate into the shell of the person I am now. I know what it's like, seeing the person you love become thin and weak not being able to do simple tasks on their own because their body is slowly dying in front of your eyes. What's worse is my mind will not be the same, moments of lucidity will become fewer and fewer as the tumour takes over –"

Dawn takes her hands out of the sink and dries them down the front of her pants before unexpectedly wrapping her arms around my neck. "I love you," she whispers in my ear. "You are part of this family, we will be here for you till the very end," She announces as I feel a lump in my throat.

I hear shuffling coming from the hallway and peer to see Willow leant against the door frame, a half-cocked smile on her lips.

"Hey," I utter nervously stepping away from Dawn.

"Hey," Willow replies. There is silence in the room and Dawn quickly excuses herself to go finish her homework.

We both look on at Dawn as she leaves the room and then we look at each other.

"Listen –" We both say in unison. We both smile, taking a step closer, bridging the distance between us. I nod toward Willow allowing her to speak.

"Listen –" She says again taking another step forward closing the distance till there is a foot between us. "I'm sorry for everything I ever did to you. I did some stuff that I am not proud of and I know it hurt you the first time, I don't know what it's like discovering everything again all the emotions that you are going through trying to discover your life again. I'm sorry for putting you through it for the first time, let alone a second." Willow rambles; the distance between us non-existent as we stand inches apart.

"Hey," I reply softly. "If I managed to forgive you the first time, then the past is the past. I forgive anything and everything that you did to me previously. If I don't get my memories back then I don't want my life to be full of arguments about silly things that happened before. I want to make the most of my life as it is and I want you to be in it by my side – until the end.

Willow takes my hand in hers clasping it softly, gently bringing it to her lips she places a delicate kiss on my knuckles. "I love you so much," She states staring deeply into my eyes.

I am overwhelmed with emotion to the point where I feel I cannot catch my breath. No – really, I can't catch my breath. I gasp for air unable to fill my lungs and begin to panic collapsing to the floor – describing it only as a fish out of water.

"Tara!" I hear Willow shout panic stricken. "Tara, baby!" Are the last words I hear before falling into darkness…


End file.
